THE RUNNING MAN

So I was actually talking to a couple of guys off of an online dating site. One day I received a message from a guy saying:

‘Fancy running away with me and making a load of babies together?’

I of course rolled my eyes as I read this, normally I would ignore someone like this but I was in an upbeat mood so instead I replied:

‘Are you actually sending messages like that to people?

‘Well it got you to reply didn’t it!’ He replied

I actually found out that he had sent one of my friends a very similar first message online – this was clearly his pick up line, I felt ashamed with myself for even responding!!!!! Not even an original message – tut!

He did have a point though, it did get me to reply. I entertained his conversation just a little longer and was actually surprised. He was quite funny and had interesting conversation. In my head I laughed and said to myself ‘this guy is nothing but trouble’ but he seemed harmless enough and was at the very least, for the time being, entertaining.

*Now I am looking back at this I am very well aware that I should have run as fast as I could the other way, however, I have made my fair share of mistakes with men and there’s no point hiding my mistakes now is there, they were all very important lessons….some that I was a little…..ok VERY slow in learning!*

We talked online for a while longer and he asked for my phone number. So I gave it to him, I was very aware that this would go nowhere but for now it was fun conversation with someone who seemed like a laugh.

We started talking all day long, we were actually getting to know each other and apart from him being a little bit cheeky he seemed like a very nice guy so when he asked me out I said yes, I mean, why not, people can surprise you right? We arranged a day for just after New Year and then as we were talking more and more he told me he didn’t want to wait that long and, still keeping our original day, he also arranged a day sooner.

We went for a drink and ended up staying out for hours talking. He was good-looking and interesting. The night had been great. Maybe I had this guy a little bit wrong.

We continued to talk and see each other, he was very respectful and even when he invited me round to his house didn’t push any boundaries. I let myself start to trust him and for the first time in a very long time things were moving forward with a guy AND looking hopeful.

So it had been a couple of months and I was going to go round to his after work. Things were looking like they may be moving forward yet again and so I was nervously excited about going to his that evening.

We talked all day long as normal, he kept telling me to hurry up and finish work. He was excited for me to get there. I had one more client to see and then I would be on my way.

After work I went to return a message to him to say I was on my way, I noticed that I couldn’t see his ‘last seen’ on Whatsapp, I thought this was a bit odd but this was back when sometimes Whatsapp liked to do this so it wasn’t completely abnormal. I tried to call him but it was going straight to voicemail. Never mind, I will just go and get ready.

So I went home and was ready to leave and still hadn’t heard back, he still wasn’t showing on Whatsapp either. I messaged him and told him that I was going to my friend’s house who lived on the way to his and to message me when he got this. I wasn’t going to sit around waiting, besides, she was like family to me so at least I could pop in for a cup of tea.

My other friend was messaging me asking if I had heard from him when she suddenly said ‘Rach give me his number’ I thought it was weird but I gave it to her anyway. A couple of seconds later she messaged me saying ‘Rach, he’s blocked you, he’s online right now on Whatsapp’. My stomach rose to my throat….WHAT????????? I picked up my other phone and went on there to check – yep, he was online. I messaged him asking what was going on and he immediately blocked me on that number too. I sent him one text asking what the hell he was playing at knowing I wouldn’t get a reply. So I instantly erased him. I was seething but my friend was talking to me about some serious stuff so instead of making the evening about me I poured a glass of something quite a bit stronger than tea, threw it down the back of my throat and refilled. I pushed this idiot to the back of my mind and listened to my friend.

By the next day I had two dates lined up for the weekend (cue Mr WB…now that’s a good story) and had completely forgotten who the hell he was. That was the last of him in my life!!!!! Of course…..as you will soon know, it wasn’t. I do know how to pick ‘em don’t I?

Happy Monday Pride!

DATING DO’S AND DON’TS PART 4

CONVERSATION

This is of course, one very important part of online dating, it is the only thing we have to build an idea of what the photograph of you is actually like as a real person. There seem to be quite a few patterns in many conversations online, some of them are good, many of them are bad.

So for our lists:

DO -

  • Ask questions – Take an interest in getting to know who we are.

 

  • Pay an occasional compliment – We are women after all and we enjoy being adored….just a little.

 

  • Make jokes – Every woman loves a man who can make her laugh.

 

  • Ask us out – We are not looking for a pen pal, having said that don’t ask us within half an hour of chatting, give it a few days at least to make sure we get on.

These may seem like obvious points but believe me, so many men could do with a course in how to do just these few. I have actually gotten to a point now where I do not reply to someone if they do not ask a question or say something worthwhile, if you can’t be bothered to make good conversation then be very assured, neither can I! Ok, now the don’ts:

DON’T -

  • Be too proud – so many of you are so proud that you can’t take a joke or loosen up enough to have fun in a conversation, it’s boring and you look insecure and yes, we can see you have too much pride, it’s not a secret. Dating is fun so enjoy it.

 

  • Talk only about yourself – if this is all you are interested in may I suggest a conversation with a mirror instead?

 

  • Shower us with compliments – It becomes uncomfortable, saying something nice every now and again is sweet, saying something nice every other message becomes awkward.

 

  • Bring up sex too soon – If you want a lady then treat her as such, don’t make crude suggestions before you have, at the very least, learnt her boundaries. You might be making her feel uncomfortable.

 

  • Make assumptions – You are just reading words, please remember that, you are CHOOSING what tone and voice goes with those words. Too often you fellas can be very uptight and sensitive to our jokes and don’t actually get that we are having a laugh with you, please realise this is your pride getting defensive, it is such a mood killer when you then tell us to ‘calm down’ or ‘loosen up’ when, in fact, we are joking. This is your own assumption, more than likely based on women you have experienced before. Why don’t YOU lighten up a little and assume we are not being miserable. Most girls know how to handle a bit of ‘banter’ you know!

 

  • Pressure us for our number – This is my pet hate on online dating sites and I am sure many of you girls have heard this so many times mid conversation with a seemingly decent man: ‘Anyway I am deleting this profile tonight so perhaps I can have your number’. Why on earth would you delete a profile midway through a conversation WITH SOMEONE YOU ARE GETTING ON WITH???????? I think I am more frustrated with the fact that you think we are stupid enough to believe your stupidity! Girls, please, please, please don’t give them your number if they ask like this, tell them you don’t like handing your number out too soon, don’t explain it, just say that and nothing more. Watch most of them keep that profile they were ‘oh so desperate to delete’ just a little longer.

 

  • Lie – Seems obvious I know but guys you do it so often, most of you suck at lying and on top of that what is the point? Lies are always found out and it is no way to start a relationship of any kind. Also, most of the time we can tell you are lying and you are only kidding yourselves. This goes for both men and women too, lying only harms yourself, live truthfully.

It needs to be remembered that meeting someone online is the same as meeting them anywhere else. You still need to stick to your own personal morals and principles and the fact of the matter is that it is even easier for a man to approach you and talk to you online, it takes less effort than being face to face and is a lot less nerve-racking, so make sure they are worth it!

Next I do believe it is our first introduction to The Running Man.

Happy chatting pride!

Are you wearing yours?

I have seen cats fight off crocodiles and buffalo fight off lions…..because they believed they were strong enough! Believe you are bigger than your dreams, go get them!

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Mr Disaster – Part 2

Life was going pretty smoothly when Mr Disaster decided to message me again. He was inviting me out for a drink and somehow I read his message to mean that a few people from the gym were going out. I assumed it was his excuse to message me so I thought why not, I didn’t have feelings for him anymore so let bygones be bygones. Turns out it was just him and another friend and I completely read the message wrong – IDIOT!!!!! Maybe I was meant to read that message wrong who knows. I went anyway and had a good time catching up, I didn’t give him an easy time by any means but it was all very friendly and nice! He did try to message me again after that but I pretty much ignored him. I had no intention of getting back into old habits with him and yes, he was still with his girlfriend.

 

A few months later I was in Thailand in my dorm in a hostel in Krabi when I received a message – MR DISASTER – I laughed because I always hear from him at a strange time in my life when things are going really well. So I replied saying I was away and he said that him and our friend wanted to see what I was doing so we could all meet up again. When I got back from Thailand he got in contact with me and we started talking again.

 

With Mr Disaster it was a very tricky situation. We were just connected. I wanted to be respectful of his relationship but at the same time they were clearly not in love, they were clearly together for the sake of it and I had been in that situation and gotten out of it. It’s hard to take a relationship like that seriously. Having said that I would never get involved with someone who was in a relationship so friendship would be as far as this could ever go.

Pretty soon we were messaging all the time again, mostly about nonsense but making each other laugh. He started calling me again and we would be on the phone for ages talking rubbish and making each other laugh. We would talk seriously too and he would entertain my whole day. One evening we were on the phone and all of a sudden the call cut off – I knew 100% that his girlfriend has just come home – I called back, no answer, he messages me saying ‘I don’t want to argue with this girl’ I reply ‘excuse me?’ ‘my girlfriend’ he replies. I told him that we shouldn’t talk if it was a problem and he assured me it wasn’t and then went on to tell me that the phone just cut off and there was a problem with the network – Yeh sure genius, because I am a fricking idiot aren’t I!!!! – I called him the next day and explained that we weren’t friends, we spoke all day every day and I felt like I was doing something wrong and didn’t like it. He tried to convince me otherwise but I just wouldn’t have it. That was that. He wished me luck with a guy I had recently been on a first date with – our very own Mr Angry PT guy – and said that I deserved happiness and we left it there.

 

Over the next week I still heard from him and I would tell him to leave me alone, it was the usual routine where he ignores me and messages anyway. I was at a bit of loose end. The guy I was due to go out with again turned into a bit of a weirdo – as we know so I got rid of him. – I was feeling a little bit lost with my work and my life and now I had to deal with saying goodbye to Mr Disaster AGAIN! Why am I punishing myself, we are only talking to each other, I don’t know his girlfriend, I don’t owe her anything, I’m certainly not going to be the other woman so I’m not doing anything wrong. Why do I always have to do the right thing for everybody else. Right now it isn’t hurting me to talk to him so why do I have to make myself suffer by stopping. So I did something that I never expected to do and Mr Disaster certainly didn’t expect me to do it. I sent him a message, just a confused face, that was it but I knew that was enough. He hadn’t been on his Whatsapp on this phone for a couple of days but the second he saw the message he responded. I had a go at him – ‘why did you ever have to message me again, why couldn’t you just leave me be?, I was fine before you came back into my life and now I have to say goodbye to someone I get on with and I haven’t even done anything wrong!’ He simply replied ‘would you like to go for a drink tonight?’ We arranged to meet up somewhere local to both of us, I was actually secretly a bit excited – only because it had been so long, not because I had feelings…of course….because we are just friends.

We ended up having a really nice catch up and…..no, you should know me better than that by now! We didn’t stay out too long and we just had a nice friendly time. He messaged me straight after saying he had a nice time and we went back to talking as normal.

I kept saying I didn’t have feelings for him but the only person I was fooling was myself and to be honest, I wasn’t doing a very good job of that either. Mr Disaster was something else in my life. He was refreshing, he didn’t hide that he cared about me (unlike many of the other bad apples), he fought for my attention, he listened, he joked, he was serious. I felt so relaxed talking to him, I didn’t feel like I was bugging him – I couldn’t really he always bugged me – I didn’t feel like a nuisance to him, it wasn’t too serious and there was no pressure. We just got on like a house on fire, we could talk about nothing all day every day and we did. People like that don’t come into your life everyday and when they do it means something. We were like magnets, the closer we got the more powerful the force. I knew that this couldn’t last. Truth was he was no way going to be brave enough to leave his girlfriend and setup on his own, he was too proud and way too afraid. I knew that I wouldn’t tolerate this ‘friendship’ going nowhere for much longer. With him it was easy to fall and I knew he had fallen too.

A couple of weeks later it was my friend’s birthday party and he had again asked me if I wanted to go for a drink so my friend suggested I invite him to the party instead. I was excited that he was coming but in general I just wanted to go out and celebrate my friend’s birthday. I had still been a bit stressed at that time and had been feeling anxiety creep its way back into my life. I just wanted to go and have a few drinks and let my hair down.

I had more than a few drinks and was quite drunk quite quickly. Mr Disaster turned up and looked….well…..like himself and I was very drunkenly happy in my little world. The problem was I wasn’t happy and me getting drunk was a nice little escape from my crazy head. Somehow a conversation was triggered by my friend about the two of us and she was warning him to treat me nicely, the next thing I remember he is talking about how I wouldn’t be able to trust him if he left his girlfriend and got with me. I was saying something along the lines of my usual jargon ‘you have missed out on the best thing you could have’ – please be assured this isn’t a ploy to get him to leave his girlfriend, I would never want that kind of pressure on me. Imagine it didn’t work out, I would feel responsible for the whole thing…..no way, I don’t need that on my head. – So then the worst thing in the world that I could imagine doing happened…I got upset and…  yep, I fricking started crying – IDIOT…IDIOT….IDIOT!!!!!! Another friend saw me upset and asked me if he should tell Mr Disaster to go and I said yes, the last thing I wanted was for anyone else to see me upset so I just concentrated on looking normal (yeh right). He wouldn’t go without talking to me and seeing if I was alright. He took me outside and I wasn’t really interested in talking to him, I didn’t want him around while I was upset. I shouted at him and he left. My friend got me back to his to sleep it off. I later found a message on my phone from him that said something along the lines of:

I hate that I am the reason you are upset. A man should know a woman’s worth and you are worth a lot. It’s time for me to step up and do the right thing so I will leave you alone forever now.

To the best of my memory that is what he wrote. Ok so underneath the cosmetics of pretty compliments all I hear from this is that I am going to let you go. Someone willing to let you go is never worth it, just for future reference.

 

I was so confused when I woke up. Why did it always get like this between us. A big final cut off, why couldn’t we just enjoy our friendship. I rang him and told him straight that I didn’t want him to leave his girlfriend for me, I didn’t want to be in a relationship with him and that I was only interested in being his friend (why I was hanging on here I do not know).  I don’t think he liked hearing that, not that he would ever admit it. A couple of days went by and something really didn’t feel right. My head was all over the place. I spoke to one of my closest friends and she told me to stop beating around the bush and just deal with the situation once and for all. So I did. I asked him how he felt about me and he told me ‘I like you and I think you are an amazing individual but I can’t be with you at the moment because I have a girlfriend’. This is exactly the type of message I expected and I simply needed to hear it. I said to him ‘Mr Disaster I like you too, I can pretend I don’t but I do. If this isn’t going anywhere then I need to walk away for good this time. You saying you can’t be with me at the moment means you want to hold me there and I deserve better.’ He tried to say life was a bitch but I told him that life is exactly what you make it.

I used my anger that day to face my fear of doing my first handstand….ok so it was against the wall but I still did it, it was something I had been trying to do for so long that all of my colleagues were even desperately trying to help me do it. It may sound silly but it was something I was too scared to do so I asked myself ‘am I going to live a life of fear like this fool? Hell no!’ So I did something I was scared to do – even if it sounds small I felt great afterwards.

 

I have ignored him since. I erased his numbers and all of our messages. He messaged me but I ignored him. He called me once and I didn’t recognise the number since I erased it, I very quickly got off of the phone. I was done with him. It still hurt, I carried on with everything as normal but I did have feelings for Mr Disaster and you can’t control feelings. He was someone who was in my life morning until night, non stop. Someone I really connected with and someone I could not hate. The truth is I just love me more now days and I won’t be second best to anyone. Show me that you see my worth or I will show you nothing. Simple as. Still doesn’t stop the pain of walking away from someone you care about but it sure as hell makes it easier! Goodbye Mr Disaster, forever and ever…..or….until Part 3 – Great!

 

The perfect logic!

This was an actual conversation I had today, I laughed when she said it, not because it was funny, but because it was the most beautiful truth and it was said in the most beautiful way.

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DATING DO’S AND DON’TS – PART 3

FIRST MESSAGE:

So before i give you some more frogs for the blog (by the way Mr Disaster makes a return next week) I have to cover another topic for our dating do’s and don’ts. The one and only, very important, first message. Now traditionally I believe that the man should send the first message, just because it goes back to the natural way of animals approaching each other – but that is just my opinion, it doesn’t make it right or wrong. So today’s post is aimed at you guys sending that first message.

Lets cover some of the Do’s first of all today:

  • Do use a lady’s name – this is a basic technique in building rapport with anyone, it makes the message more personal.

 

  • Do ask a question – it gives us something to reply to. Simple.

 

  • Do comment on something you have seen or read on our profile – this shows us that you are actually interested in learning about us – women love to be listened to and cared about – just as men do, so this is definitely a thumbs up.

Actually making sure you have covered all of these points in your first message gives you the best chance of an interested reply and a way to start conversation.

For example, ‘Hey Rachel, how are you? That picture of you sitting on the floor with that old man is so cool, where was that?’

Unless you are unfortunately not my type at all then why wouldn’t I reply to that? So simple yet so effective. Oh and if you want to know more about that picture…well…I’ve just taught you how to find out!

Now for the Don’ts:

  • Don’t use a pet name i.e. babe, baby, darling, sweetheart and my most hated of all time ‘luv’.

 

  • Don’t simply write ‘Hey’! Stop being so lazy and add ‘how are you?’ at the end of it at least!

 

  • Don’t comment on the fact that you are the one to message first – If you are going to be bitter then don’t message at all, otherwise, get over it, that is the way it should be!

 

  • Don’t copy and paste a message – we can tell!

 

  • Don’t say ‘I don’t usually do this’ or ‘I’m new to this’ – stop being embarrassed about being online. We are there too, just get on with the message and accept your online dating presence!

I understand that maybe you are having to write a lot of first messages that don’t go anywhere but you don’t have to write an essay, just put a tiny bit of effort into each one, it will pay off eventually.

My friend had a message sent to her at lunch time once saying ‘hey babe you in bed?’ – Excuse me? At lunch time? In the week? Why on earth would you ask that and what business is it of yours. It is safe to say he never got a reply.

Now understandably on tinder there is a lot less information than on other sites so your first message may seem a little more limited but just use your brain. You can still string a polite first sentence together as I did above. I have had several great messages on Tinder that refer to one of my pictures and it is always a great conversation starter. On some of the more complexed dating sites such as Match.com and Plenty Of Fish there is a whole load of information you can choose from. Just pick something that interests you and incorporate it into that first message you send.

Ladies, back to you, if a man sends you a shoddy first message, don’t reply, or at the very least make sure his second message has a bit of substance. If he is not willing to make more of an effort than ‘hey’ or ‘hi babe’ what is the point. People are always their best at the beginning so don’t settle for pure shod (yes it is a word because I used it in a sentence). If you are willing to make an effort for a guy, make sure he is making an effort for you.

I had some more great ‘about me’ sections sent to me this week. It was great to give you all some advice. If you want advice on yours you can email me at mountainess1@gmail.com and don’t worry it will stay completely between us!

Good luck Pride and let me know what ghastly things you are coming across on your online dating journey’s!

We ALL got that boom boom!!!!!

Ok so this has been bugging me for a little while now and I am bugged enough that I want to write about it.

I am sure you have all heard Meghan Trainor’s song ‘All about that bass’. Now, whilst I love girls who are promoting self-love I just can’t get down with any kind of ‘empowerment’ that is achieved by the need to be better than someone else. First let’s have a look at her lyrics:

“All About That Bass”

Because you know I’m all about that bass ‘Bout that bass, no treble

I’m all about that bass ‘Bout that bass, no treble

I’m all about that bass ‘Bout that bass, no treble

I’m all about that bass ‘Bout that bass

 

Yeah, it’s pretty clear, I ain’t no size two

But I can shake it, shake it Like I’m supposed to do

‘Cause I got that boom boom that all the boys chase

And all the right junk in all the right places

 

I see the magazine workin’ that Photoshop

We know that shit ain’t real C’mon now, make it stop

If you got beauty, beauty, just raise ‘em up

‘Cause every inch of you is perfect From the bottom to the top

 

Yeah, my mama she told me don’t worry about your size

She says, “Boys like a little more booty to hold at night.”

You know I won’t be no stick figure silicone Barbie doll

So if that’s what you’re into then go ahead and move along

 

Because you know I’m All about that bass ‘Bout that bass, no treble

I’m all about that bass ‘Bout that bass, no treble

I’m all about that bass ‘Bout that bass, no treble

I’m all about that bass ‘Bout that bass

 

Hey! I’m bringing booty back

Go ahead and tell them skinny bitches that

No, I’m just playing. I know you think you’re fat

But I’m here to tell ya Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top

 

Yeah my mama she told me don’t worry about your size

She says, “Boys like a little more booty to hold at night.”

You know I won’t be no stick figure silicone Barbie doll

So if that’s what you’re into then go ahead and move along

 

Because you know I’m All about that bass ‘Bout that bass, no treble

I’m all about that bass ‘Bout that bass, no treble

I’m all about that bass ‘Bout that bass, no treble

I’m all about that bass ‘Bout that bass

 

…………….and it goes on to repeat itself several times.

 

Now first of all everyone has the right to express their opinion, after all that is exactly what I am doing too. I just think she has such a great framework of a song and has ever so slightly ruined it by creating a divide with women.

The main reasons for this are the following lyrics:

 

Yeah, it’s pretty clear, I ain’t no size two But I can shake it, shake it Like I’m supposed to do ‘Cause I got that boom boom that all the boys chase And all the right junk in all the right places

 

Girls, if you happen to be a healthy and happy size 2 then that is what you are supposed to shake. We are not ‘supposed’ to be anything but healthy and happy. Girls with a bit of ‘junk’ are not on another team to extra slim girls. We are all on team ‘Girl’.

All boys like different things so not all boys will chase that ‘boom boom’, besides, most ‘boys’ (men if we raise our standards slightly) will be most attracted to a woman who is confident in herself and strong minded. You should work on your body for you and only you, a guy will chase you more so for putting yourself first.

 

She then goes on to bring up such an amazing point and absolutely smashes it with the next verse:

 

I see the magazine workin’ that Photoshop We know that shit ain’t real C’mon now, make it stop If you got beauty, beauty, just raise ‘em up ‘Cause every inch of you is perfect From the bottom to the top

 

Absolutely! I couldn’t agree more. What a great message. Every inch of you is perfect, so love yourself and treat yourself with nothing but love and respect. This is irrelevant of being bigger or smaller.

 

Then the bridge is simply her opinion on people who are trying to fit ‘perfect’, it’s just saying move along if you are looking for a human barbie, which is fair enough because she is simply saying that isn’t her.

 

So my last piece of song to dissect is:

 

I’m bringing booty back Go ahead and tell them skinny bitches that No, I’m just playing. I know you think you’re fat But I’m here to tell ya Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top

 

To nitpick ever so slightly, booty has been brought already, long ago by the likes of J-Lo and Beyonce and then of course Nicki Minaj (real or not). Booty is around and in fashion so….are you bringing it back? I am not so sure. Now, she says she is just playing after calling slim girls ‘skinny bitches’ but, come on, you are saying every inch is perfect and then again separating slim girls from curvy girls.

 

All of us are amazing. Skinny, Big, Curvy, Straight, big on top, big on bottom, small on top, small on bottom. I love that the world is starting to highlight that the perfect body comes in all shapes and sizes but that doesn’t mean we should tarnish any other shape by doing so just because it was the last in fashion. What we should aim to do is preach the importance of empowering each other for being true to ourselves and loving ourselves and each other. We do NOT reach empowerment by being better than someone else, we just stay in a vicious circle of low self-esteem.

 

So, I ask all of you beautiful Lionesses and of course Lions, look for the beauty in others and praise them for it, by doing so you will find even more beauty in yourself.

 

Meghan Trainor has released a great song with what I am sure was great intent, I just think we need to make ourselves one big massive group, or pride if you will, of perfectly, beautifully different and unique Lionesses.

 

What do you think Pride?

A little bit of crazy!

So I actually had some fun this week helping some of with you with your profiles, some really great ‘about me’s’ coming together and some really funny reads. Most importantly you are sounding like Lionesses. Keep them coming!

So on to our next disaster. As I do on occasion I decided to disappear for a month and go and see Thailand and Bali with a friend. The week before I left I started taking to a particularly nice looking guy who was a personal trainer (normally I keep away from PT’s having worked as one myself but this one was very pretty). He was polite and charming and asked if we could meet up the following week. I told him I was away for a month and he asked if we could keep in touch while I was away which was sweet.

Whilst I was away he would send me the occasional message asking how I was getting on and asking for some pictures of the landscapes. This was a nice request because it was something he was interested in and enjoyed seeing, he was taking an interest in my trip and he wasn’t asking me to send a load of pics of myself – which would have completely put me off of him.

I didn’t overhear from him either which was just as well because I was living in paradise but he was in contact enough so I looked forward to a message from him. I had something nice to look forward to going back home.

When I got home he didn’t waste any time arranging a day for us to go and have a drink. We met up and managed to park next to each other. He was even better looking in real life and greeted me with a hug. We walked into the bar and he got us a drink and we sat down. He didn’t once take his coat off which was a bit strange but it was winter.

The conversation just flowed which was nice, he actually had depth and substance and asked a lot of questions. We were laughing and talking so much that before we knew it the place was closing. We walked back to our cars and he hugged me goodbye – most importantly he didn’t try to kiss me on the first date! He messaged me later on saying he had a nice time and we arranged to meet again at the weekend. Amazing, a date that actually went well!

That weekend he messaged me to tell me he wouldn’t know for sure if he was free because his Uncle was in hospital and being moved to a hospital further away, he didn’t know what time he would be back and asked to let me know. We didn’t meet up. He messaged me to rearrange. You can never question a hospital visit – even if they give you that suspicious feeling you just have to accept it, but it was giving me a suspicious feeling.

So we came to the next day we were supposed to meet up. I didn’t hear anything from him. Nothing. Irritated, I messaged him nearer the time – something a woman should NOT have to do. I heard nothing. So I made other plans and went to see a friend. It was so strange, he didn’t contact me or reply, had he just lost interest?

The next day I received a message ‘so I had the worst day yesterday’. ‘Great do I care?’ Is what I should have said but I was unfortunately alot nicer at the time so I asked what happened and he called me. He explained how there was a load of stuff that happened at work and that he was trying to be pushed out of the gym and people were blaming him for stuff that he didn’t do and his manager was trying to set him up and he was just so angry after it all and bla bla bla bla bla bla bla! I AM SORRY, YOU WERE JUST SO ANGRY YOU FORGOT ABOUT ME????? I was not impressed at all. After him going on and on about his ‘woe is me’ story he said ‘I need to make it up to you, what happened wasn’t cool, are you free tomorrow night so we can meet up?’ I reluctantly agreed (idiot) and said I would give him one more chance (idiot again). We set a time and place to meet.

So the next day came and again I hadn’t heard from him, so I messaged him to confirm. He said could we make it an hour later he needed to get in the bath he was so tired he had slept. WHAT???? I said to him if he was so tired we could always give it a miss. He responded by telling me that it would probably be best as he was so angry from more issues at work he felt like he just wanted to punch and smash things up……! I instantly pictured our wedding and a life of happiness with this man……..or rather I rolled my eyes with boredom – what on earth? You just want to punch and smash things up? Do you expect sympathy? I never spoke to him again. I actually judge myself for giving him a second chance and wish I could say it was the last time I tolerated such poor behaviour from a male, thankfully for you guys it isn’t so there are still some very ridiculous stories to tell you.

One thing I have learnt ladies, is that when a man is truly interested in you he will make the effort and do everything he can not to let you down. If you find yourself hearing excuses and being messed around just cut him loose. You are better than that and deserve more. He should be trying to impress you and show you how valuable you are. If he isn’t then he isn’t invested and you are setting yourself up for misery. Always remember – when the heart wants something it finds a thousand ways, when it doesn’t it finds a thousand excuses’. That is the most truthful thing I have learnt.

Another extremely valuable lesson I have learnt and will at some point go into greater detail about is to always trust your instinct. Our intuition is there for a reason. Listen to it and let it guide you. Don’t give away too much too soon, time will tell you everything you need to know but never ignore your instincts. They are there for a reason and are never wrong – paranoia can be wrong but your instincts – never!

DATING DO’S AND DON’TS – PART 2

About Me section:

Ok so I realise for today’s topic there can’t be too many restrictions because the ‘About Me’ section of one’s profile is very personal and we are all very different, but I have to highlight at least some of the definite faux pas’ I have seen on online dating profiles.

First I would like to highlight my Tinder ‘find of the week’. Yes pride, this was my favourite, short but sweet, headline on Tinder:

‘Ride it like you stole it’

Well as you can imagine I immediately swiped right in hopes that I get to meet this Prince Charming and introduce him to my nearest and dearest…..OK so maybe I didn’t but it definitely got a good chuckle and a mention so good for him.

Now we have to remember that dating is supposed to be fun and exciting. We don’t want to put anything negative in our profiles because that is starting off on the wrong foot completely, so fella’s, comments in your profile such as these may not be the charming words your new lady wants to hear:

  • ‘If you ain’t gona say hi don’t bother swiping’
  • ‘Don’t wait for me to message you, come and say hi, I don’t bite’
  • ‘No negative people please’
  • ‘If you are not planning to meet up don’t waste my time’

In fact comments such as these can make girls dismiss your profile immediately. We are all aware that there are some time wasters on online dating sites, just as there are rude and vulgar people, even several outright crazies, but, there are some nice and normal people out there too so forget about the ones that are no good. Hanging on to them so much so that the frustration of them is included in your personal profile shows that you hold a grudge – an unattractive quality in anyone.

These two comments are also a visual display of your insecurities:

  • ‘If you don’t look like your pictures, your buying the drinks until you do’.
  • ‘We can say we met on the train’

Guys, come on. What kind of lady is going to be reeled in by the top comment, and why on earth would you sit and get drunk with a liar? Your paranoia is not going to have us falling into your arms. You may aswell write ‘I’m really scared that you will be ugly and I am going to look like an idiot’, you don’t need to worry about looking like an idiot, that comment has done that for you. The second comment just implies you are embarrassed about online dating, again, that gives us an impression that you are overly bothered by what the rest of the world think of you, indicating nothing but low self-esteem and fear – I don’t know about the rest of you ladies but those are not on the top of my list for favourite qualities in a man.

Look at this one I found earlier on POF:

Have a few mates on here and they said its good so I’m giving it a go. Looking for a genuine girl with a good sense of humour who does not think she’s the best thing in the world.! I’m think of myself of being quite funny, always up for a laugh and doing something different, I’m into all types of music and I enjoy drinking and socialising with my mates. If your reading this then send me a message. :)

Ok there are 3 things wrong with this

  1. ‘who does not think she’s the best thing in the world!’
  2. I’m think of myself.
  3. If your reading this then send me a message.

The overall statement is not that bad, it’s quite short and sweet but why do you have to highlight that you don’t want someone who thinks she’s the best in the world? Firstly you should want a woman who values herself – yes I know what he means but this Negative Nancy could have just left it out. It implies that you are going to see any self value as shallow and egotistical. No one has time for an emotionally unstable, over proud man – sorry!

Just go back and read your profile out loud to yourself – ‘I’m think of myself’, I am almost certain that he wouldn’t say that in a sentence so just proofread your words would you!  (I really hope I haven’t made any errors in this post – haha the shame!)

Change the 3rd one to something like ‘If you like what you are reading then it would be great to hear from you’ – that sounds nice. Just because I am reading your profile it does not mean that I will want to message you, just think how the words will sound to someone who doesn’t know you, (am I being too picky now?).

Just be you, write a bit about what you enjoy, places you have been, the things you consider good about yourself. The right kind of people will find you and the wrong ones will soon disappear anyway. What you think about you bring about so don’t project negativity on your profile.

Ladies, I can’t simply give the guys a good telling off when I have seen some frightful things from you too. My favourite read of all time was a profile of someone I know. Their profile was great, it really summed up who they were, it was classy and sweet and witty…….and then it was ruined by one sentence:

 

‘Yes, in case you couldn’t tell I do prefer a chocolate man’.

 

Are you kidding me? It’s fine to have a type, when you are searching through profiles you can select your type down to every nitty-gritty detail, but come on really, putting that you prefer ‘a CHOCOLATE man’ on your profile? That gave me a laugh if nothing else. Oh and in case you were wondering, it did not invite a string of perfect suitors into her life, quite the opposite.

I came across this statement on a woman’s profile earlier:

Hey, been here before came back as im bored,not gonna ramble for ages about random rubbish,im pretty chilled and love relaxing, i work hard yea im boring myself already so ill shut up aha x

You are here because you are bored? I don’t know if this is just me but someone who is bored in life is not living. Your world is a reflection of you. If you are bored get up and live. To then say ‘yea im boring myself already so ill shut up aha’ – I mean, seriously, what? That translates to ‘I really don’t like myself so I am hoping someone else will like me to make me feel worth something’. You cannot advertise how much you dislike yourself and expect someone to respect you when you are publicly disrespecting yourself.

I could go on about this subject for a very long time. Your profile is similar to a CV. You wouldn’t write the following in your personal statement on your Curriculum Vitae to impress a potential employer:

 

‘Yeh I only work because I have to, sometimes I call in sick because I fancy a day off. I will try to do as little as possible. But I am fun to go out drinking with’.

 

You just wouldn’t do it would you. You need to set your standards high and publicly declaring (even in disguise) your lack of self value instantly sets low standards.

Anyone who would like help with their profile is more than welcome to contact me. You can email me confidentially at mountainess1@gmail.com.

Next we can go on a date with the hot personal trainer, who wanted to meet me but I was leaving the country for a month, so he kept in contact, was very polite, very interested in me and full of anger issues…..Great!!!!!

Until next time Pride!

Yes Miss!

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Inspire others to shine their light. By you living a life of truth and happiness you help give others the courage to do the same. You are a teacher and your actions are lessons to the world. Think about what you are teaching others.

Are you everything you want to be? If not, start being, you got this!