So many of us live in fear of being hurt. We push people away and we close ourselves off to so much joy in fear that we will feel pain, humiliation or heartbreak. We attach ourselves to people who do not deserve our time because we are scared of being alone, scared that no one else will want us. This is my topic today.
When we tolerate behaviour from others that is less than we are worthy of, we might as well hold up a big sign saying ‘I am not worthy of being loved’. You have to first truly understand your worth before you can expect others to see it, and even then, if others do not value themselves to the same degree, they may still be incapable of treating you to the standard you deserve.
It’s so easy to say isn’t it? If someone isn’t treating you right then get rid of them! When our emotions are involved logic seems to go out of the window and our heart wants to hold on to a person we care about now matter what. So what can we do?
Well first of all you have to set your standards. You have to ask yourself what you are worth and how you should be treated. If you struggle with answering this then answer this question:
How would you treat someone you were in love with?
Do you shower them with kisses? Tell them how gorgeous they are? Cook for them? Dress up for them? Send them nice little messages during the day? prioritize them? Want what is best for them? All of these?
Well now make sure you demand at least the same for yourself and do these same things for yourself too. If you don’t put yourself first then why should anybody else? Most importantly you probably won’t feel worthy of this behaviour even if it is shown to you, if you don’t believe it is the minimum you deserve.
If someone shows you anything less than this you cannot be afraid to demand it or walk away from this person.
Every single time I have let someone disrespect me or undervalue me I have been worse off for it. I have been left feeling unimportant and neglected. I have had my heartbroken and not felt good enough. Scared that nobody will love me. All because I have put that person higher than myself. However, every time I have demanded more or walked away from someone who didn’t treat me as good as I deserved to be treated, I have received someone better in my life. I still had to go through a period of hurt. I have still missed that person for a while. Cried a little on my own or to my friends, checked my phone in case they tried to contact me and felt lonely and miserable. But after that time passes – which it always does – I have met someone better than the last.
I have come to look at pain as a good thing. When any type of relationship ends there is a sort of ‘mourning period’. We have to say goodbye to someone and accept that they won’t be in our lives anymore. But I believe this time should also be spent saying goodbye to the mouse inside of us. That time spent feeling sad can be redirected to feeling sad that we have ever tolerated anything other than the best. Spend the time feeling sad for that person who will lose us. Feeling sad that they will forever remember they lost something beautiful whilst we gain self-respect and self-love. I often end up feeling so sad for the person who wronged me that I wish for them to find happiness in hopes that they can understand how to properly treat someone and really accept happiness into their lives. I hope that for them so that maybe it will also spare the next girl feeling even remotely how I was made to feel.
Once you accept that pain is inevitable in life and doesn’t last forever you can use it much more effectively. Allow the pain to wash through you, feel it and use it. Be gentle and patient with yourself. The more you try to fight pain or fight for someone who doesn’t deserve you the longer you are punishing yourself.
Let me ask you a question….
If you are holding a diamond the size of your fist, are you willing to put it down and walk away from it in the middle of a crowded place, in hopes that it will still be there when you return?
I didn’t think so. You are that diamond. If someone is willing to risk losing you by walking away, don’t be there when they come back. Someone else will see your value and never risk letting you go. Just have faith.
Let’s use our pain, be honest about it, cry through it and perhaps eat a little extra chocolate during it. Be true to your feelings and authentic in feeling them. Fight for your worth and understand always that – you are as good as the next and better than most! That, fellow pride, is the truth.
Kisses to you all x