YOU WANT MY ADVICE?

Advice – noun

an opinion or recommendation offered as a guide to action, conduct, etc.: I shall act on your advice

We all turn to our family, friends or colleagues for advice at times. Sometimes we need a few suggestions on how to handle a situation we are faced with and other people can really help us out.

Somehow, with some people and all too often, this advice turns into instruction. A way you ‘should’ be doing something. A lecture.

I hear about this all the time and witness it myself. You start talking to someone about an aspect of your life and almost instantly regret it as you begin to be instructed on exactly what you should do, how and why based on nothing other than that person’s preference or belief. You are no longer considered into this equation of ignorant advice/instruction and you end up trying to look like you are interested whilst thinking of ways to stop this person talking. I have listed below the most popular topics that people often feel like they are instructed on (the list on how to stop them talking can be sent upon request):

  • Pregnancy – All of my friends that have had children have said that one of the worst parts of pregnancy is everyone telling you what you should and should not do with your body. Can you imagine? Forget the labour, swollen ankles or the peeing every 5 minutes being so bad, it is the other people around you that can make it so tiresome. It seems that when you fall pregnant a majority of the people you will come to communicate with will be ready and waiting to share their ‘expertise’ with you. And will they all have the same advice? Oh no, of course not, but they will ALL know best and make sure you know it. If you happen to be pregnant at the moment and are suffering through this torment I feel for you. Nobody really knows best and everyone has their own way of doing things so I think it is important for you to listen to your body and the people you feel happy listening to and tune the others out. Perhaps use the extra need to pee to get the hell outta there and stop them talking…..unless of course they follow you to the toilet and talk outside the door, then, failing you and bump being able to squeeze out of the window, proceed to sticking toilet paper in your ears until you can no longer hear them.
  • Relationships – Well we all like to discuss our relationships with friends when we need to but, there are those certain friends that you instantly regret opening your mouth too. You know the ones, they tell you what you did wrong and what you should be doing instead. They advise you on what you need in your life and it sounds strangely similar to either their current ‘successful’ relationship or similar to the person they think they are but in fact, are not. I’m not talking about the friend that kindly suggests something thinking that referencing themselves may inspire you, I’m talking about the friend who proceeds to lecture you on exactly what you need, what you are ready for, what age you should be, where you should be at in your relationship and how you should feel about it. The phrases ‘you shouldn’t want to settle down yet, you are too young’ or ‘you are mad wanting to meet someone, if I was single I would love it’ or of course ‘he’s a nice man, don’t end it hastily, your feelings will grow’ all because they liked him the one time they met because he complimented her dress. These are the times when it is fully acceptable to think about what you will eat for dinner instead. Nobody knows what is right for you and telling you what you should want or what you should do based on what they want and think they would do isn’t helpful. Suggestions are of course helpful but only when a person considers who you are as part of that, not who they are. If they want to go at it from that approach then the following should be said in that sentence ‘I can only tell you what I would do’ and it should not become an instruction for what you should do.
  • Careers – This is the one I suppose I feel most strongly about. I grew up being told that a ‘real’ job was working for somebody else, that following my dreams was a fairytale and would never get me anywhere. That working part-time in my twenties was me refusing to grow up and that £8 an hour was good money. I have had to battle a lot with other people’s judgements and my own to continue to work towards my dreams. And now, finally I have fully accepted that my life is made for living and dream chasing. It may not be for everyone and their dreams will be different from mine so I say to anyone – do whatever makes you happy and do whatever you feel is right for you. To anyone telling me, you or any other soul how and what they SHOULD be doing in regards to working a ‘real’ job that isn’t, in fact what YOU want to do, I say IGNORE THEM. They don’t have the courage to believe in themselves otherwise they would be encouraging you to believe in yourself too. These negative people want to soul suck you down into their pit of fear and misery so that they are not left alone there. They believed the people who told them the same thing. I want to say I BELIEVE IN YOU, ALL OF YOU. If it doesn’t work the first time, it can work the second or the third or even the three hundred and seventy-fifth time. You can be anything you want to be and do anything you want to do. At least the journey towards doing that will be one hell of an adventure.

It is also good to consider the advice you give others, where does it come from and is it in the best interests of the person you are giving it too, or yourself?

To all of these people who want to give you the rules and instructions for these above mentioned parts of your life and any other parts of your life, I want to share with you a visualisation technique (a practical exercise if you are around those it won’t offend). I was with two of my favourite people on this planet yesterday, Ciara and her husband Dan. Dan was telling us a story about a group of kids driving past his boss and in slow motion one of the kids raised his middle finger at him, his boss shrugged and carried on walking. That was it. It was actually pretty funny by the sounds of it too. But it got us laughing at the idea of using this method when someone is really butting in to your life and telling you what to do. Imagine it, hold up your closed fist and as slowly as you can with a blank expression on your face, raise up your middle finger. I think it makes the perfect point. We named this ‘The slow flip of the bird’. Anyone who starts telling you the ‘rules of life’ or instructions on how you ‘should’ do something, just give them ‘The slow flip of the bird’, perhaps in your head if it is inappropriate to physically do this but do it. Slowly. All the while remember that you can make your own choices and your own decisions about what is right. Listen to your instinct. Your gut is your guideline, always.

Slowly flippin’ the bird at all the preachers and rule-tellers out there, have a great week pride!

HATE YOURSELF BEAUTIFUL

So there seems to be this worldwide phenomenon, a way of working towards the ideal you. You can reach utter perfection just by following this simple tip. All you have to do is hate yourself perfect. How on earth can I reach the perfect me I hear you ask? Well I will tell you:

  • Feel too fat? Just hate every inch of you that you think is fat!
  • Feel too thin? Just hate all the skinniest parts of you, look at each rib in disgust!
  • Feel too tall? Look at all of those that are shorter than you and put them higher up than you in worth!
  • Feel too pale? Look at yourself in the mirror and point out how disgusting you are
  • Feel you aren’t smart? Easy, envy all those that you think are clever and tell yourself you are stupid!

Does the above work well for an advert? No? There is something wrong with this tactic? Are you telling me you wouldn’t go and see a ‘hate yourself perfect’ life coach????? Well there goes that money-making scheme!

The thing is though, nearly everybody uses this technique in some part of their lives to motivate them to change. Here is the thing though:

YOU CANNOT HATE YOURSELF TO IMPROVE!

This means:

  • You cannot hate yourself healthy
  • You cannot hate yourself happy
  • You cannot hate yourself beautiful
  • You cannot hate yourself to success

For a start each of these goals listed above mean something different to everyone. What you think is beautiful is the complete opposite of beauty to someone else. What you think it means to be healthy is the complete opposite to someone else. What you think it means to be happy is the complete opposite to someone else. What you define as success is the complete opposite to someone else.

Do you see the pattern here?

Truly happy, successful, healthy and beautiful people have certain traits in common:

  • They appreciate themselves
  • They are attracted to themselves
  • They recognise their strengths
  • They acknowledge changes they want to make and enjoy working to change.
  • They don’t compare themselves to others
  • They don’t try to fit in

Hating yourself does one thing – It makes you feel bad. So stop!

Easier said than done right? I mean hating any part of yourself has required work and dedication. It has taken a lot of time and effort. So how can we change this?

We have to start recognising this behaviour as it happens and then we can start to change it. So here is a simple exercise to start doing this. Standing in front of the mirror I want you to look at yourself and say:

I am amazing. I am perfect. I am smart and I am beautiful. I love me.

Now I know that this can be particularly hard to do especially if you don’t believe any of this so if you find it a struggle I want you to imagine you did believe it, imagine how you would feel if you believed all of these. Imagine how you would stand, how you would smile, how you would brush your hair. How you would adjust your clothes. How you would walk past the mirror. Just imagine and then pretend you are that person JUST while you say those statements.

One more exercise I want you to try is one where you can call upon your ILV (Inner Lioness Voice). This one takes a bit more effort in recognising your own thoughts. Every time you hear yourself wishing you were different or putting yourself down I want you to stop and say to yourself

Excuse me, don’t say those things about me, I am wonderful and amazing and shame on you for thinking anything else. Get out of here!

Not only that but I want you to feel annoyed with that other voice, as if it is a person. How dare it try to put you down. That is not a kind thing to do and you won’t stand for it.

Now you are either excited to try this or worried about the amount of voices in my head but just give it a try. Print this out or write down the exercises and just try them. If they don’t work at all then you have lost nothing but you should demand the very best for yourself because you are worth it (sorry Loreal for stealing your tagline).

Admiring your greatness Pride!

THE PERMISSION TO HAVE THE FREEDOM OF SPEECH

You have the right to say whatever you want.  You are free to speak your truth….right? That is in fact what we are told, yes? How many of you actually have the courage to say what you really feel without being judged or ‘told off’ for it?

In the workplace for example, a more senior member of staff holds a meeting and is talking about new ideas to improve the company, he/she gives a spiel about a brand new idea to improve a current system and you feel that it is a bad idea, do you speak up? If you speak up do you feel you will be listened to or is it likely you will be penalised for speaking against them? I am actually referring to a story I was told recently. A friend of mine spoke up and gave her reasons why she didn’t agree that the new idea would make staff feel valued or happy in their job. The senior member of staff then went on to ‘acknowledge’ what she said by saying in a not-so-direct way that they didn’t want people like her in the company. She was left feeling worried that there would be repercussions for her input and that she could get into trouble.

I can almost understand, in a workplace, if you were to get up for example in a meeting and say ‘oy baldy, you are talking an absolute load of crap, this is rubbish’. But to actually be made to feel like you will lose your job for questioning a new idea and considering the effects it would have on the employees of the company is just unacceptable to me.

I work for myself and many people who have worked with me before almost laugh and joke that I am ‘unemployable’. As an employee I can be difficult. Why you ask? Because I cannot keep my mouth shut. Too many companies employ staff that get away with treating other employees badly and most importantly illegally. I was never someone who liked to lose an argument so I would always know my rights. I would speak up for myself and I would always speak up if I witnessed someone else being treated badly. Yes, it can be scary and many people wanted to get me out of the job because they didn’t like me standing up to them. They never succeeded though because I wasn’t just shouting and screaming aimlessly or through anger. I was standing up for what I believed in.

Now I am not suggesting you should all go and shout at your bosses but, I do believe in this world you should never be afraid to say what you feel is right. You should approach it calmly and with reason behind it but you should never be bullied into silence. By anyone. The rude next door neighbour, the friend who always lets you down, the manager that tries to belittle you, the policeman/woman who think they can speak down to you because they have a badge or even the Queen. Nobody is better than you and nobody can actually own your freedom. They can just convince you they do and make it scary to take control of it yourself. So pick your battles wisely and always be true to yourself and stand strong. We all enter this world the same way and we all leave it the same way and we all survive on food and water. That is that. Don’t put anyone on a throne higher up than you.

The same goes with relationships and dating. I have seen and experienced far too many times one person ridiculing the other for their beliefs or preferences. It seems that this tactic of mocking someone is in hopes that they can sway the opinion of the other person to give in to the THEIR way of thinking. Well it is not on. If you want someone to agree with you and do as you say then go and pay for it, there are services that provide that. It’s not real. If someone laughs at you or mocks you for not being ready for something or thinking a certain way, stand true to yourself. Their way of persuasion is not an intelligent one or a correct one. It is an immature way of belittling you and manipulating you to give in. Laugh it off and simply say ‘you don’t have to agree with me but there is no point in trying to push me to feel another way, that is how I feel and that is that.’ You will be amazed at how powerful you feel when you stand up for yourself.

The truth is we do have freedom of speech, no one can stop us talking. They can only scare us or bully us into believing we can’t speak up. You are the one that gives you permission to talk freely. Nobody else. So own it. Know that you are free and entitled to say and think whatever you want. Just choose wisely when, why and what you are saying and always remember words that hurt others don’t define the other person, they define the person saying them.

Speak loud and free Pride!

Bye bye!



Isn’t this great?  Let go of that which serves you no more.  Let go of those who do not deserve you.  Let go of things that pull you down.  Let go of anything that does not feel good for you!  Let it go.  That which you deserve, is fiercely looking for you, make room for it.

The Degree of Life.

How often does someone know what is best for you?

– You should leave him

– You shouldn’t quit your job

– You will never make it to Hollywood

How often do they tell you how things should be done?

– You should find a nice man who is older and knows what he wants

– You should find a job that pays well and offers good incentives

– Life is not a movie, dreaming is fun but it wont’ get you anywhere

Society itself tells us how things must be done:

– You must go to school

– If you do not have an education you will never be anything

– Life is hard

– You should get a job, get married and have children

– You need to pay your bills in time or you will have bad credit

Even science:

– The world is flat

– The world is round

– Stay away from foods high in fat

– Fat is good for you sugar is the problem

– Pluto is a planet

– Pluto is only a dwarf planet

My point? Not one person I know has received their Degree of Life. Not one person has completed one life, left it, come back for another and remembered the full process of what happened when they died and how they got back here (see how I cover those who remember past lives here too – I know, I’m good right!)

This means not one person can know with absolute certainty what is right and what is wrong. What we are really here for. What we are meant to be doing. What is the right path for us to walk.

There is only one way of knowing if what you are doing is right and that is to listen to your gut instinct. Feel it in yourself. You know deep down whether something is right for you or wrong for you and you must learn to trust yourself. Sometimes you might be destined to make a mistake so that you learn a valuable lesson and if that is the case, the people around you should support you not tell you ‘I told you so’. They don’t know what is right for you so they cannot tell you. Them feeling victorious that they were right over you about YOUR life shows that they have a lot missing from their own life.

This world is big, it’s huge and fascinating and full of any possibility you can ever imagine. Society encourages us to be part of a flock of sheep, that way we are easier to herd. Be whoever it is you feel you are, be the person that is true to you. If things don’t work out, guess what, you can start from scratch again. A friend of mine wrote a great post the other day and at the end of it he said:

‘I’d rather be at the bottom of my ladder than at the top of someone else’s’

I loved this. This life is YOUR ladder. YOUR mountain, so climb it and don’t apologise to anyone for being true to yourself. There is no right way of living, only a way of living that is true to you. Nearly every great mind was once thought of as crazy, but they carried on doing their thing and ignored the people who hated on them, judged them and laughed at them, and what happened? We remember them and praise them and quote them to this day.

We are all heading off of this planet the same way so let’s try to do everything we can do, for ourselves and for others, before we leave.

Be everything you ever dreamed of Pride!

Food for thought.

I came across this today and thought it was something to really think about.

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We never know what pain someone is hiding, what insecurity someone is covering up or what someone’s life is really like behind closed doors. It is not for us to judge them or their behaviour. It is for us to lead by example. To treat others the way we want to be treated. There is always time to help someone out, the universe will make sure of that. So take that time, you might change someone’s life.

Have a good week Pride and if there is anything I can do to help any of you, just let me know!

Let’s hope so!

We all have hope don’t we? We hope for the best, we hope for each other, we hope to win the lottery, hope to be successful and we hope to find love.

Without hope where would we be? Hope leads us, fuels us, makes us strong and keeps us going through dark times. Until hope is lost we don’t give up. We can’t.

Let’s take it down a scale. Think about a friend of yours who has or is wasting all her time on a guy that just does not deserve her. Think how you feel hearing how he treats her bad and she excuses him, justifies his behaviour, cries over him or works out a way to change the situation. Frustrating isn’t it?

Now think of a time that you have lowered your standards for someone who didn’t deserve it…..come on we have all done it. Think about how you kept trying to find a way to make it work. How you told everyone and yourself he wasn’t like the rest of them and you were meant to be. How much the idea of losing him hurt. I am sure you can now sympathise with that friend you just thought of a little more can’t you?

I want you to think about what it was that got you out of there. Made you walk away. I then want you to think about the moment you finally got over them. Moved on. The moment you no longer dreamed about them returning on a white horse and making everything ok again. Why did that happen?

One of the reasons…..because hope was gone.

Not all hope was lost, I am not saying that for a second. We always have hope, but what we hoped for changed. In order for us to move on we have to hope for something else, something better and through that we develop the faith and motivation to seek nothing less.

Every ending can be hard. It can leave us feeling lost, lonely and scared but until we lose the hope, we will still be attached to the situation. So how do we lose hope for a bad situation? If only it were that easy to switch off. Well the answer is quite simple. We will lose it, when we lose it. The quickest way is not to fight it. Allow yourself to pine for someone, cry over someone and wish things could be better, but, acknowledge that it is hope doing that. Hope has to run its course. It has to try out every road and possible way of making things right again.

Give yourself targets. Know that one week from now you will have less hope and therefore feel better. You will also start putting your hope on better things. A sort of ‘hope-transer’ if you will. Let yourself feel every emotion that comes with it but be firm in your decisions. If someone is bad for you don’t give your time to them because you feel alone without them. Let the pain wash through and trust that the hope you have for them will leave and go towards hoping for better things for you. This will motivate you to take better action for yourself.

I have hope for me. I have hope for all of you.

Hoping you have a great week Pride. x

Why believe anything else?

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Life is sure to have its dark days and we know that nothing lasts forever so why not trust there is always light waiting to shine. Light that takes away the darkness, for a second, a minute or perhaps the entire day. Beautiful, exciting, warm and hopeful light.

Isn’t the thought of thinking that wonderful?

Enjoy your weekend pride!

Shine bright like a diamond!

You are everything! Everything you need, everything the world needs and everything beautiful in this world. You are full of greatness, let some of it spill out, go on, even just a pinch. It will change the world.

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