In the last week this topic has come up several times so I thought it was a bit of a sign to write a post about it.
During times when someone is experiencing emotional pain I often hear people say as a form of reassurance ‘there are people worse off in the world’. Whilst to the eye this may be true does it make the pain they feel any less real? Does it help that person deal with their pain? Could it actually make their pain worse because they are being encouraged to not acknowledge their pain as important?
All humans feel the same feelings and emotions. What triggers these may all be different because our souls are all unique, but the machine that carries us is the same. If someone is feeling pain then they are feeling pain. It is not for us to judge whether or not they have the right to feel that pain. Knowing that someone else in the world is suffering ‘more’ is not going to ease our suffering. It will not ease the suffering of that person elsewhere in the world either. I am not saying we should dramatise our problems or dwell upon things, simply that pain is pain, it feels the same to each of us no matter what the capacity is. It is not nice and when someone is in pain we should empathise.
The other thing I hear people say to comfort those that are experiencing pain is ‘don’t worry you will be ok.’ While this is kindly reassuring it avoids the problem at the present time. It would be better to say this after listening to someone’s worries or troubles and after you have given them some advice or reassurance about their current situation otherwise it can sound dismissive.
We have to start taking each other more seriously and stop judging. Don’t compare people’s problems to other’s. Be there and listen. Just as you would want someone to do the same for you and likewise make sure you do the same for yourself.
‘Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant with the weak and wrong. Sometime in your life, you will have been all of these.’ Guatama Buddha.
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A very good friend of mine recently sent me the following text:
The Lion is the King of the Jungle but even the Lion King retreats in the face of the angry Lioness. Life on earth can be a Jungle but the Lioness in anger can make the most feared opponent step aside so proving that no one is your superior.
What amazing words. How empowering to think that we have access to that power. The Lioness is the commander. When she is confident and self-assured she is the most feared being on earth.
(photo from anonymous source – Facebook)
Quote by RK
So many of us feel that we are not worthy of this power but that is absolutely not true. You have to kick those thoughts straight out of your head. If you are not respected as you should be then command more respect. If you are not worshipped as you should be then start worshipping yourself, soon enough you will tolerate only the same from others. Kick out these ‘mouse’ thoughts of negativity. You were not created to be a mouse, otherwise we would enjoy being mice, not use it to describe weak behaviours. You have an inner Lioness, do not cage her.
Did you know that after a Lioness is held in a cage for a long period of time and then released back into the wild she will often pace back and forth in a small amount of space because that is what she was used to living in? How sad to think of a Lioness in a circus cage pacing up and down and then being set free only to pace within invisible walls either side of her. Thankfully in time she breaks this habit as she is no longer confined.
What a great way of looking at the journey of our own inner Lioness suppression. It takes time to free her and even when she is free it takes time for her to accept complete freedom. It is not natural to hold your inner Lioness captive, to hide her from the world, to stop her living free. You owe her the help of living the life she was designed for. Make a start towards that today. Let her voice guide you, not the voice of fear. Take a step, even a small step, one that you might not think is that life changing straight away but that you know will go towards a greater sense of self-worth and courage. Push on those boundaries and make a change, each small hurdle is an achievement so celebrate and be proud of yourself. You can do it!
Have you ever noticed that some people love to talk? Have you ever noticed that for every sentence you speak about yourself the person you talk to replies with a sentence about themselves. That sometimes it turns into – You: ‘I bought the nicest pair of shoes yesterday.’ Friend: ‘I bought a great handbag!’ You: ‘Oh did you where from?’……..HANG ON, WHAT ABOUT YOUR DAM SHOES?????? Sometimes people listen just for the sake of their reply. Well you know what, just listen to them. They obviously want to hear their voice so much, so let them do the talking. You can do the listening. Listening is the part where you get to learn and observe a lot about that person. You can learn about them AND you can learn about yourself. Look for similarities, do you like all of the things you have in common with that person? What kind of person are they really? Who are they in your life? When you have a problem does that person TELL you what is best for you or do they actually try to explain different ways to tackle a problem taking into consideration who YOU are? Some people just need to be heard and they are not the kind of people who can offer you any personal advice or actually listen to you. It is best to let these people speak. Often they raise their voice over yours because they don’t feel like they are listened to in their life, or they want to show you that they too have good or nice things in their life. So listen. They need it at that time obviously. If it continues then maybe it is best to address the issue with them because it is important that they value your words too, but, if it is not 100% necessary at the time just sit back and observe. It is far more educational than you could ever imagine!
We all have those times when someone we know steps up and does something amazing for us. It might be some great advice, a shoulder to cry on, an understanding hug. It may even be a very generous birthday present, an impromptu gift, a silly song sung together. Whatever it is, that person deserves your gratitude. So often we are grateful for someone but scared to show them how much we appreciate them. More than likely this is based on assumptions of the future and a lack of self confidence. Don’t be shy. So what if they turn out to be an asshole next week or they disappear out of the country two months later, in that moment they brought joy, hope or happiness into your life. Celebrate that. Tell them how they made you feel. ‘You did something really nice for me and I am so thankful for you’. Just do it. Send a message, write a letter or make a phone call. It doesn’t matter how, it just matters that you do, without any expectation or thought of what comes next. Feel and show appreciation, gratitude and love for those that are there for you.