THE SECRET TO CONFIDENCE….

Think about the most confident people you know, the people you aspire to be as confident as. Think about the way they do ‘terrifying’ things with such ease. Nothing phases them. They don’t fear other people or situations and are comfortable in their surroundings. Ever wondered how they do it? How they have so much confidence? How you can have the same?

Well, it’s completely possible for every one to gain access to as much confidence as they want to by adding the following ingredients into your daily life:

A sense of self-worth:
Confident people understand that they are worthy of their place in the world. They give themselves respect, love and appreciation. They know that they are entitled to be here just as much as the next person. They are kind to others and kind to themselves. They don’t need to ‘trample’ on others to feel worthy, they know that it was their birthright to hold a seat in this wonderful show called life! This attitude allows them to set standards and boundaries. They do not tolerate these being disrespected because they will respect the standards and boundaries others also set for themselves, so they can only accept the same from others.

If you feel you lack self-worth then start changing this today. Look at yourself in the mirror and say the following:

‘I am as good as the next person and better than most’.

Say it everyday, 10 times a day, 100 times a day until you believe it. You are at least as good as the next person and you have to believe you are better than most to take risks and believe you deserve to receive opportunities and good fortune.

Basic acting skills or the ‘show and tell’ tactic:
Something that is so important to know is that even the most confident looking person will suffer with nerves, feel embarrassment and on occasion, even feel a little shy. The trick to overcoming this is to act as if you don’t feel this way. A phrase I have grown to love is ‘fake it ’till you make it’ . They say smiling when you are sad actually helps to cheer you up and it is the same with confidence. Pretending you are not shy when you meet someone quickly gets you past your shyness. Acting like you are not nervous quickly helps you overcome your nerves. Acting like you are not afraid of embarrassment means you quickly realise it doesn’t need to stop you from doing something and that you soon feel more comfortable in those surroundings. It is a case of ‘grabbing those balls’ and doing it anyway. In fact, you can probably start to see signs of this from the people you consider as confident. Quietly observe them in situations and look out for them calling upon the ‘confident character’ within. Try using this technique for yourself too.

The other tactic is what I call the ‘show and tell’. I myself use this one quite often in more informal situations. If I am feeling nervous, embarrassed or shy ever (yes it happens often) I highlight it. I make a joke that I am shy and slightly exaggerate the ‘shyness’. This always leads to a friendly laugh about why I am shy and it is quickly moved on from with me feeling more at ease. I also never hide my embarrassment. I have one of those faces that can’t hide embarrassment, I immediately blush. So, instead of trying to hide this I will make a joke or a statement about me going red or being made to blush. I embrace it. As soon as I do that I have taken away the ability for anyone else to point it out and embarrass me further. I own my embarrassment, I don’t hide from it. The reason for this is simple. We are human, sometimes we get embarrassed so why should it be a problem? What we resist persists so just be who you are. It is exactly the same as feeling nervous, tell someone and you reduce the feeling. Being nervous means you are excited, you care about what you are doing and you face a fear. Imagine never feeling nervous. How incredibly dull would that be? If you are thinking now that you don’t ever feel nervous go and do something that scares you right now so you can enjoy the feeling!

The choice to make decisions:
Making decisions are a must for the confident person. Getting what you want isn’t a bad thing. Doing it your way might be fun or helpful for other people too so let them try it. Recognising that you want something and asking or choosing it is a way of displaying your self-worth. Why shouldn’t you ask for what you want? We are all different so we like different things. Sometimes it is nice to compromise but not at the expense of you doing something you don’t really want to do. When we make decisions for ourself it doesn’t matter if they are the right or wrong ones, the right ones are pleasing and the wrong ones give you something to learn from. At least you are willing to make choices and deciding to lead your life. If someone doesn’t like your decision then it is THEIR responsibility to communicate that with you and that is when you can aim to compromise.

BEWARE OF FAKE CONFIDENCE
Fake confidence is a dangerous quality that stems from ego, pride, self-doubt and a lack of self-worth. The fake confident person usually displays the following behaviour:
⦁ They speak over people and tell them what to do.
⦁ They rarely listen.
⦁ They put others down and are intimidating or ‘scary’ in their approach.
⦁ They do not take criticism well.
⦁ They see disagreement as a personal attack.
⦁ They can’t admit when they are wrong.

This kind of person is not truly confident. They lack self-esteem and self value and therefore need to feel more important than others to feel worthy. Although they have strong characters they will not easily lower their pride to see that there could be a more beneficial way of doing things. They therefore keep themselves stuck in a vicious circle of false confidence.

One thing I feel that is important to say is that although I refer to people being confident/not confident and falsely confident, in reality we are all made up of ALL of these qualities, we might have more of one and only a trace of another but we all have strengths and weaknesses, simply the amount and where they are is different. It is just easier to explain these qualities as separate and complete people. Also we all have certain things we are more confident and comfortable with. Bearing this in mind we can see that we all have a way of helping and also empowering each other. We are complexed beings and are made up of so many challenges, strengths, weaknesses and experiences that sometimes it is good to break it all down and simplify it and then add the simplicity to a complex situation. Ironically that last sentence was far from sounding simple but hopefully you get my point! 😉

So, be you, be proud to be you, be proud to like the things you like the way you like them. No one has the right to TELL you what you should and shouldn’t do, think, or be so take on board advice that you think is helpful and let go of anything else….if you want to of course!

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