Every time we enter conflict we are so quick to focus on the other person’s part. ‘She said this behind my back’ or ‘He hasn’t even tried to apologise for what he did’. Ever heard the saying ‘it takes two to tango’? There is always some truth to that. Even if you decide you ARE in the right you need to acknowledge your part in the conflict. Doing this allows you to understand the other person better and dispel some anger. It also prevents you adding fuel to a fire next time. Reality is only what we perceive it to be so we must respect that our actions and words may be perceived differently by others.
So, I hear you ask, what do I suggest you do? Next time you have any kind of conflict with someone instead of stewing over what the other person has done take responsibility for your part first. Analyze your own actions as if you were the other person. Understand what they might be feeling. Think about your actions and words and try to consider how they might make the other person feel. You might be able to see that you could have handled things differently or that you were both at fault. You might see that you actually handled things very well and the other person is victimizing themselves through projections of their own insecurities. Even if that is so you will get an understanding of that persons pain and this should at least help rid you of the anger the conflict has caused.
Anger never makes anyone feel good, bearing this in mind you can appreciate that whoever you argued with is feeling pain too, whether they admit it or not. Nobody feels good after putting someone else down, despite what they say, strength isn’t proven by attacking people. Putting others down is a need to feel more important than others and the only reason we need to feel that is if we don’t believe already that we are in fact, as good as anyone else. When we focus on other people’s actions rather than our own we distract ourselves from self growth and self-analysis and this benefits no one and drags out an upsetting situation. Always know your part in any situation and be present in your reality.
Can you think of a time that you could have handled something better?