So after some time to heal and relax and go on a couple of lame dates that aren’t even worth the story I decided it was time to get myself back out there, into the big scary world of dating. I chose the same online dating site I went to last time, the oh so glorious POF. Only this time I chose some normal and natural pictures: A nice one of just me, one of me out having fun, one of me balancing on a car tyre (I had started an exercise class using all car and lorry tyres, besides it was me looking my worst and people need to see me and love me that way) and one of me and a friend. I chose pictures that were plain and simple. I wrote my profile out, I didn’t tell my life story but I summed up who I was shortly and sweetly.
Being a female on these sites means that your are pretty much guaranteed to have messages pouring in. Again a lot of them will be hopeless: ‘Hi’, ‘Hey babe’ ‘I heard there is a party in your pants this weekend and I have a VIP ticket’, you know the usual rubbish you wouldn’t reply too. I had decided that I was going to be a bit fussy and wait to find someone polite, respectful and nice. I have a rule on these sites to never message first. Maybe I am a bit old-fashioned but I think it’s nice for a man to approach a woman, kind of the natural order of things. So I would look through the messages and if someone had bothered to show me they had read my profile or say something nice or funny I would check out their profile.
One guy had sent me a message about my tyre balancing picture. I looked at his profile, it was clear he was in the army and his pictures were all nice and respectable, there were photos of him in his uniform, out with friends, being active – all acceptable images. So we had a bit of conversation about my class and he told me he was a PTI – which basically means he was a personal trainer for the army.
There wasn’t too much excitement through our messages and often I wouldn’t reply simply because there was nothing to reply to but he was polite and did make an effort. Eventually he asked me out for a drink and I accepted, why not, he was nice enough.
He lived quite far away and he suggested we meet somewhere a lot closer to me than to him which I thought was sweet, he found a bar, sent me the website link for it and we arranged a time.
I always get pre date nerves, it’s a feeling I quite enjoy now, those butterflies in your stomach as you fret about the first meet. I found the bar and found parking. I was a little bit early so I waited nervously in my car. I rang him on the way into the bar and he said he was walking in, I looked around and couldn’t see him. I told him I was at the bar and he said he was also at the bar……well why can’t I see him then???? He wasn’t being very helpful on the phone so I asked the barman what road we were on and told him to do the same, there were three of the same bar in close proximity to one another and we had turned up to two different ones. He tried to make a joke that he had sent me the link as if to blame me…..Really? Don’t you think I used that link to get this address??? I followed your instructions! Of course it is my fault!!!! I told him to wait where he was as I knew the area better (my sat nav did anyway) and I would be there soon.
I finally turned up at the right place and he was waiting at the bar for me. He was a good-looking guy and dressed nicely. Ok this could be good. He got us both a drink and we went and sat down. He wasn’t very talkative and seemed a little bit shy so I went straight into rambling mode and fired questions at him. He was a sweet guy, he had some fun stories and his job was quite interesting. He kept going back to my tyre class and giving me suggestions for different exercises I could use in it. ‘Ok, great thanks’ it was really nice of him to help…..he had lots of different ideas ‘Yes I already have that exercise….and that one….and that one…..oh sod it just pretend you have never heard of these exercises before, he clearly doesn’t think you have a clue what you are doing’………..he really wanted to help me with my class……’oh man I have written out this class and been teaching it just fine, I didn’t come here for research’. I think it was down to his nerves that he spoke so much about fitness with me, it was a safety net for him and something we could both relate to but it was boring me to the ground. He was talking to me like I had no idea what I was doing, telling me what I could do rather than actually finding out anything about what I was already doing – if he had then he wouldn’t be suggesting all the ideas I was already using. I wasn’t here doing market research so I was starting to drift off in to my own thoughts.
I couldn’t spend the evening listening to this so I decided to steer the conversation in a new direction (one really effective tool to do this is to ask a man a lot of questions about himself and then seem impressed any chance you get. This is fun for you too as you get to put your acting skills to the test and have some fun) It was easy to seem impressed with this guy’s stories because he had been in the army for a very long time, so all I had to do was ask him about things he had been through and then seem worried or scared by the story followed by a ‘your so brave’ facial expression or response.
Still, after some time even that was boring me, I looked at my watch and figured I could get out of there within 30 minutes without looking rude, he started to tell me about where he was stationed now and that he often gets to meet the royal family and how everyone acts around them (oh no Rach, just keep acting like an impressed female), I was bored and couldn’t be bothered to entertain this boring guy anymore so it was time to be me again “I could never do what you do, I could never act extra polite to someone just because they are ‘royal’, to me everyone is the same, like I am about to curtsey just because someone wears a crown…..” and I went on and on about how no life is more important than another and how no other human can really tell another what to do. He was looking at me with one of two looks:
Look A – Wow this girl is rebellious and fun, I kinda like how crazy she is it’s really impressive, she is bringing my soul to life right now. Thank you God for sending me on this date, please let me be worthy of more time spent basking in her greatness.
Look B – Is this girl for real, my life is spent taking orders and I am disciplined and organised, this girl is a liability and sounds like she could do with a good dose of discipline herself, wow if she was under my order she wouldn’t last 5 minutes, she can’t be serious, get me the hell out of here.
I am going to assume it was Look A, but, considering we didn’t speak again after that evening I am willing to accept that I could possibly be mistaken. I wasn’t upset though, that guy was so boring. Being able to control a conversation so easily doesn’t interest me. Being able to manipulate a situation isn’t fun when it is with a potential partner. We were just completely different people and that was that.
Often it is easy to take it personally when you don’t hear from someone again, we can question why and wonder what is wrong with us. It is so important to remember that what will be will be and what isn’t meant to be, won’t. It is as simple as that. The universe has its own little way of making sure that we have exactly what we need and it takes away what we don’t. Accepting this will save you from a heap of self-doubt and mouse-type thoughts. If someone is meant to be in your life they will, don’t try to force it.
So I definitely need a nap now after remembering that soul sucking evening and then we have to cover our next topic on our dating do’s and don’ts because there are a lot of topics that desperately need covering.
Until next time pride!