So before i give you some more frogs for the blog (by the way Mr Disaster makes a return next week) I have to cover another topic for our dating do’s and don’ts. The one and only, very important, first message. Now traditionally I believe that the man should send the first message, just because it goes back to the natural way of animals approaching each other – but that is just my opinion, it doesn’t make it right or wrong. So today’s post is aimed at you guys sending that first message.
Lets cover some of the Do’s first of all today:
- Do use a lady’s name – this is a basic technique in building rapport with anyone, it makes the message more personal.
- Do ask a question – it gives us something to reply to. Simple.
- Do comment on something you have seen or read on our profile – this shows us that you are actually interested in learning about us – women love to be listened to and cared about – just as men do, so this is definitely a thumbs up.
Actually making sure you have covered all of these points in your first message gives you the best chance of an interested reply and a way to start conversation.
For example, ‘Hey Rachel, how are you? That picture of you sitting on the floor with that old man is so cool, where was that?’
Unless you are unfortunately not my type at all then why wouldn’t I reply to that? So simple yet so effective. Oh and if you want to know more about that picture…well…I’ve just taught you how to find out!
Now for the Don’ts:
- Don’t use a pet name i.e. babe, baby, darling, sweetheart and my most hated of all time ‘luv’.
- Don’t simply write ‘Hey’! Stop being so lazy and add ‘how are you?’ at the end of it at least!
- Don’t comment on the fact that you are the one to message first – If you are going to be bitter then don’t message at all, otherwise, get over it, that is the way it should be!
- Don’t copy and paste a message – we can tell!
- Don’t say ‘I don’t usually do this’ or ‘I’m new to this’ – stop being embarrassed about being online. We are there too, just get on with the message and accept your online dating presence!
I understand that maybe you are having to write a lot of first messages that don’t go anywhere but you don’t have to write an essay, just put a tiny bit of effort into each one, it will pay off eventually.
My friend had a message sent to her at lunch time once saying ‘hey babe you in bed?’ – Excuse me? At lunch time? In the week? Why on earth would you ask that and what business is it of yours. It is safe to say he never got a reply.
Now understandably on tinder there is a lot less information than on other sites so your first message may seem a little more limited but just use your brain. You can still string a polite first sentence together as I did above. I have had several great messages on Tinder that refer to one of my pictures and it is always a great conversation starter. On some of the more complexed dating sites such as Match.com and Plenty Of Fish there is a whole load of information you can choose from. Just pick something that interests you and incorporate it into that first message you send.
Ladies, back to you, if a man sends you a shoddy first message, don’t reply, or at the very least make sure his second message has a bit of substance. If he is not willing to make more of an effort than ‘hey’ or ‘hi babe’ what is the point. People are always their best at the beginning so don’t settle for pure shod (yes it is a word because I used it in a sentence). If you are willing to make an effort for a guy, make sure he is making an effort for you.
I had some more great ‘about me’ sections sent to me this week. It was great to give you all some advice. If you want advice on yours you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and don’t worry it will stay completely between us!
Good luck Pride and let me know what ghastly things you are coming across on your online dating journey’s!