WB

Ok, so as you know I wasn’t wasting tears on the Running Man and I was speaking to several other guys from my online dating site and had set up two dates for the weekend. Friday night’s date was with an investment banker I had previously been speaking to around New Year. I had cancelled because things were going so well with Running Man and I wanted to see them out. He invited me to go for a drink around Canary Wharf. I agreed, normally I would meet someone halfway but I just decided to go, it was only an hour on the train. I had been very clearly warned about ‘wanker bankers’ by my friend Unice and had been given some key points to look out for and remember. I was told the following:

  • Their job is to manipulate people so they will be very good at conversation and selling themselves as a nice person.
  • They are very flash so watch out for any kind of bragging about material posessions or anything too impressive.
  • You will be treated very nicely and taken somewhere extremely nice.
  • They are not so good with criticism and are very well aware that investment bankers are referred to as ‘wanker bankers’.
  • They need to be in control and are very arrogant.
  • They typically drive Audi’s.

Now I know it is not fair to tarnish everybody with the same brush but it is also my experience that some stereotypes have developed for a reason. So I was ready.

He came and picked me up from the station in his nice blue Audi convertible, he never mentioned he was driving. He took me to a Radisson Hotel for drinks. He was charming and had very good conversation skills. He threw in a story of his favourite footballer being at one of his parent’s parties growing up and how much it meant to him. He had been through his fair share of pain growing up too and had some real moments of opening up. He didn’t like my friend warning me away from investment bankers and had no idea that investment bankers were given a bad rep, he was quick to belittle her with an assumption of why she would say that too. He led the conversation and very much used my lack of knowledge on a subject that I wasn’t good at against me, which, didn’t work so well for him, I am not afraid of not knowing something.

The evening was lovely and I had a lovely time with him, at the end he was paying for our drinks and I let him, he had been a perfect gentleman and then he turned towards me, not really looking at me and said ‘thanks for offering to pay for the drinks by the way’. I wanted to laugh, a nice way to imply I was in his debt, I replied ‘thanks for meeting me halfway’. He had no reply. This is the instance you know a man is not serious about you. We got into the car and he asked me if my train was still running. I hadn’t even thought about it, it was gone midnight, I normally drove everywhere so I had no idea. I looked on my phone and was trying to read what it was saying when he took the phone from me to have a look (erm I can read thanks) ‘looks like you will have to get buses, well for a small fee of course you are more than welcome to stay at mine’. I laughed and explained that I would be fine getting home even if I had to get buses and said he could just drop me off at the station (thanks for offering to take me somewhere closer – NOT). The next thing I know he is driving through electric gates into a block of flats and into a sheltered car park. ‘What the hell are you doing?’ I asked. He was barely responding and it wasn’t until he had practically parked he asked ‘aren’t we going upstairs to continue talking?’ ‘No we absolutely are not, this is a first date I am not coming into your house’. He didn’t really say much so I was filling in the gaps ‘erm why are you parking, I need to get to the station, smooth move by the way but I am a traditional girl’, he responded ‘I don’t really know what you mean by that but ok……..do you mind if I at least go up to get some water first?’ He asked me in a tone that made me feel like I was being such a complete pain in the backside. ‘By all means YOU can go and get water if you want to.’ I said in a matter of fact tone, he then asked ‘you are really going to stay here while I do that?’ ‘Yes I am, I have told you I am not going into your house.’ What an arsehole, he was trying to make me feel so uncomfortable. Girls should not be guilt tripped into going into a mans house on the first date…or any date for that matter. This was really unacceptable behaviour. He started to drive out of the gates and muttered an apology sulkily under his breath which I made him repeat by pretending not to hear. He was in such a sulk I actually asked him if he was annoyed. Not because I cared if he was but I was intrigued in case he dared to be – he of course said no. He asked me where I wanted him to take me in that same ‘I can’t be bothered to deal with this’ voice and I just told him Canary Wharf station, I didn’t know where else was near. He knew full well there were no trains running and that I didn’t know the area but he wasn’t getting sex so what did he care. It was raining. I had no umbrella. I thanked him for the evening and politely said goodbye even though I was seething, he told me to call him if I got stuck in a tone of voice that let me know he was just being polite. Screw you for your help, I will be just fine! I had to get a bus to Trafalgar Square, when I got there I couldn’t find my next bus stop so I jumped in a black cab to Leicester Square (a whole 5 second journey). From there I got the N20 back to North London so I could walk to get to my car at Totteridge & Whetstone station so I could drive home. I started my journey at about 12:30am and I got home at 3:00am. Thank god for my friend for keeping me company over whatsapp and Aretha Franklin for playing in my ears. I got home and actually laughed at the evening. It had been so eventful that I couldn’t be angry and I had gotten myself home all by myself. I didn’t need a stupid man to take me to a stupid closer station.

I had been thinking of the Running Man the whole way home and how I missed him (stupidly I know). If he had never been such an idiot I wouldn’t even be on this stupid date…..03:20 whatsapp message…..Running Man. What the hell? I thought that chapter was over…………….

 

Well I am sure we will find out Pride. Until then…have a wonderful New Year and be safe, stay merry and have so much fun! I wish you all the chance to learn, grow and make your dreams come true in the year ahead! xxxx

 

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DATING DO’S AND DON’TS PART 5

FIRST MESSAGE:

So now we need to talk about actually meeting up with someone and being on a real date. This doesn’t just apply to someone you have met off of Tinder or online dating sites. This applies to anyone. The first message is in regards to setting up the date. So you arrange a day to meet and possibly a time….what then? Well, again there are several do’s and don’ts that you fellas need to learn and that you ladies need to tolerate and not tolerate.

Do:

  • Arrange a venue and let us know where we need to be.

 

  • Let us know a time well in advance – we need to plan getting ready.

 

  • Follow up on the day and confirm the details.

Don’t:

  • Arrange a day and time and leave it to the day for us to chase you about a location.

 

  • Leave it to us to arrange.

 

  • Make us travel further than you.

This is such a simple one but so many of you seem to get it so wrong. The fact of the matter is that most of you ‘men’ want a real woman yet you don’t want to be a real man. It’s not a one way street. We are different gender’s and therefore we have differences. Yes yes there are equal rights now set in place by a government that tells you how to be and yes society has messed up our roles in our own gender but if you want the real deal you have to BE the real deal – and this goes for women too!  This is a whole new topic for a later date though.

Fellas, just choose a nice location halfway – or even one stop closer to her as this will give you extra brownie points for being so considerate. Look up a bar that you can go to for a couple of drinks. It doesn’t have to be the Ritz for a 7-course meal followed by ballroom dancing all night. Just make simple arrangements and tell us a time and place to meet you. This will be noted by us and will impress us from the get go. You are making your work so much easier from this simple effort.

Telling us a time in advance is important because we like to plan our day according to our grooming. Women like to take their time to look nice for you and letting us know when we have to be there in advance means we can make a proper effort, which, after all, is mostly for you anyway.

We don’t want to get to the day of the date and not hear from you until half an hour before. Just send us a little message in the morning or the night before to confirm everything is still ok. It will show us you are thinking about us and put our minds at rest.

All of these simple things will give us a great first impression of you and help to start things off on a really good note. You are not going above and beyond or having to break the bank either, just showing us that you use your head and are a man – which is what a woman wants.

So many times I have complained to my friends or vice versa that we have arranged a day and then nothing is mentioned until we chase up on the day – by then we have pretty much lost interest anyway. The other one that turns us off quicker than you can actually press send on a message is ‘where do you want to go’ – euuurrggghhh just take control. A woman is quite capable of organising a complete household with one hand, a full-time job with the other and several of her friend’s emotional issues with her big toe so we want the chance to switch our multi-tasking minds off and be taken out and treated – you can do this simply by organising the date and messaging her the details – not too much to ask for is it?

If it is too much to ask for then you are not looking for anything serious and ladies – run for the hills – he is just not worth it.

Set your standards higher and you will meet someone who respects standards!

Woohoo – Lioness fever is spreading…….

THE RUNNING MAN

So I was actually talking to a couple of guys off of an online dating site. One day I received a message from a guy saying:

‘Fancy running away with me and making a load of babies together?’

I of course rolled my eyes as I read this, normally I would ignore someone like this but I was in an upbeat mood so instead I replied:

‘Are you actually sending messages like that to people?

‘Well it got you to reply didn’t it!’ He replied

I actually found out that he had sent one of my friends a very similar first message online – this was clearly his pick up line, I felt ashamed with myself for even responding!!!!! Not even an original message – tut!

He did have a point though, it did get me to reply. I entertained his conversation just a little longer and was actually surprised. He was quite funny and had interesting conversation. In my head I laughed and said to myself ‘this guy is nothing but trouble’ but he seemed harmless enough and was at the very least, for the time being, entertaining.

*Now I am looking back at this I am very well aware that I should have run as fast as I could the other way, however, I have made my fair share of mistakes with men and there’s no point hiding my mistakes now is there, they were all very important lessons….some that I was a little…..ok VERY slow in learning!*

We talked online for a while longer and he asked for my phone number. So I gave it to him, I was very aware that this would go nowhere but for now it was fun conversation with someone who seemed like a laugh.

We started talking all day long, we were actually getting to know each other and apart from him being a little bit cheeky he seemed like a very nice guy so when he asked me out I said yes, I mean, why not, people can surprise you right? We arranged a day for just after New Year and then as we were talking more and more he told me he didn’t want to wait that long and, still keeping our original day, he also arranged a day sooner.

We went for a drink and ended up staying out for hours talking. He was good-looking and interesting. The night had been great. Maybe I had this guy a little bit wrong.

We continued to talk and see each other, he was very respectful and even when he invited me round to his house didn’t push any boundaries. I let myself start to trust him and for the first time in a very long time things were moving forward with a guy AND looking hopeful.

So it had been a couple of months and I was going to go round to his after work. Things were looking like they may be moving forward yet again and so I was nervously excited about going to his that evening.

We talked all day long as normal, he kept telling me to hurry up and finish work. He was excited for me to get there. I had one more client to see and then I would be on my way.

After work I went to return a message to him to say I was on my way, I noticed that I couldn’t see his ‘last seen’ on Whatsapp, I thought this was a bit odd but this was back when sometimes Whatsapp liked to do this so it wasn’t completely abnormal. I tried to call him but it was going straight to voicemail. Never mind, I will just go and get ready.

So I went home and was ready to leave and still hadn’t heard back, he still wasn’t showing on Whatsapp either. I messaged him and told him that I was going to my friend’s house who lived on the way to his and to message me when he got this. I wasn’t going to sit around waiting, besides, she was like family to me so at least I could pop in for a cup of tea.

My other friend was messaging me asking if I had heard from him when she suddenly said ‘Rach give me his number’ I thought it was weird but I gave it to her anyway. A couple of seconds later she messaged me saying ‘Rach, he’s blocked you, he’s online right now on Whatsapp’. My stomach rose to my throat….WHAT????????? I picked up my other phone and went on there to check – yep, he was online. I messaged him asking what was going on and he immediately blocked me on that number too. I sent him one text asking what the hell he was playing at knowing I wouldn’t get a reply. So I instantly erased him. I was seething but my friend was talking to me about some serious stuff so instead of making the evening about me I poured a glass of something quite a bit stronger than tea, threw it down the back of my throat and refilled. I pushed this idiot to the back of my mind and listened to my friend.

By the next day I had two dates lined up for the weekend (cue Mr WB…now that’s a good story) and had completely forgotten who the hell he was. That was the last of him in my life!!!!! Of course…..as you will soon know, it wasn’t. I do know how to pick ’em don’t I?

Happy Monday Pride!

DATING DO’S AND DON’TS PART 4

CONVERSATION

This is of course, one very important part of online dating, it is the only thing we have to build an idea of what the photograph of you is actually like as a real person. There seem to be quite a few patterns in many conversations online, some of them are good, many of them are bad.

So for our lists:

DO –

  • Ask questions – Take an interest in getting to know who we are.

 

  • Pay an occasional compliment – We are women after all and we enjoy being adored….just a little.

 

  • Make jokes – Every woman loves a man who can make her laugh.

 

  • Ask us out – We are not looking for a pen pal, having said that don’t ask us within half an hour of chatting, give it a few days at least to make sure we get on.

These may seem like obvious points but believe me, so many men could do with a course in how to do just these few. I have actually gotten to a point now where I do not reply to someone if they do not ask a question or say something worthwhile, if you can’t be bothered to make good conversation then be very assured, neither can I! Ok, now the don’ts:

DON’T –

  • Be too proud – so many of you are so proud that you can’t take a joke or loosen up enough to have fun in a conversation, it’s boring and you look insecure and yes, we can see you have too much pride, it’s not a secret. Dating is fun so enjoy it.

 

  • Talk only about yourself – if this is all you are interested in may I suggest a conversation with a mirror instead?

 

  • Shower us with compliments – It becomes uncomfortable, saying something nice every now and again is sweet, saying something nice every other message becomes awkward.

 

  • Bring up sex too soon – If you want a lady then treat her as such, don’t make crude suggestions before you have, at the very least, learnt her boundaries. You might be making her feel uncomfortable.

 

  • Make assumptions – You are just reading words, please remember that, you are CHOOSING what tone and voice goes with those words. Too often you fellas can be very uptight and sensitive to our jokes and don’t actually get that we are having a laugh with you, please realise this is your pride getting defensive, it is such a mood killer when you then tell us to ‘calm down’ or ‘loosen up’ when, in fact, we are joking. This is your own assumption, more than likely based on women you have experienced before. Why don’t YOU lighten up a little and assume we are not being miserable. Most girls know how to handle a bit of ‘banter’ you know!

 

  • Pressure us for our number – This is my pet hate on online dating sites and I am sure many of you girls have heard this so many times mid conversation with a seemingly decent man: ‘Anyway I am deleting this profile tonight so perhaps I can have your number’. Why on earth would you delete a profile midway through a conversation WITH SOMEONE YOU ARE GETTING ON WITH???????? I think I am more frustrated with the fact that you think we are stupid enough to believe your stupidity! Girls, please, please, please don’t give them your number if they ask like this, tell them you don’t like handing your number out too soon, don’t explain it, just say that and nothing more. Watch most of them keep that profile they were ‘oh so desperate to delete’ just a little longer.

 

  • Lie – Seems obvious I know but guys you do it so often, most of you suck at lying and on top of that what is the point? Lies are always found out and it is no way to start a relationship of any kind. Also, most of the time we can tell you are lying and you are only kidding yourselves. This goes for both men and women too, lying only harms yourself, live truthfully.

It needs to be remembered that meeting someone online is the same as meeting them anywhere else. You still need to stick to your own personal morals and principles and the fact of the matter is that it is even easier for a man to approach you and talk to you online, it takes less effort than being face to face and is a lot less nerve-racking, so make sure they are worth it!

Next I do believe it is our first introduction to The Running Man.

Happy chatting pride!

Are you wearing yours?

I have seen cats fight off crocodiles and buffalo fight off lions…..because they believed they were strong enough! Believe you are bigger than your dreams, go get them!

IMG_0076.JPG

(photo from anonymous source)

Mr Disaster – Part 2

Life was going pretty smoothly when Mr Disaster decided to message me again. He was inviting me out for a drink and somehow I read his message to mean that a few people from the gym were going out. I assumed it was his excuse to message me so I thought why not, I didn’t have feelings for him anymore so let bygones be bygones. Turns out it was just him and another friend and I completely read the message wrong – IDIOT!!!!! Maybe I was meant to read that message wrong who knows. I went anyway and had a good time catching up, I didn’t give him an easy time by any means but it was all very friendly and nice! He did try to message me again after that but I pretty much ignored him. I had no intention of getting back into old habits with him and yes, he was still with his girlfriend.

 

A few months later I was in Thailand in my dorm in a hostel in Krabi when I received a message – MR DISASTER – I laughed because I always hear from him at a strange time in my life when things are going really well. So I replied saying I was away and he said that him and our friend wanted to see what I was doing so we could all meet up again. When I got back from Thailand he got in contact with me and we started talking again.

 

With Mr Disaster it was a very tricky situation. We were just connected. I wanted to be respectful of his relationship but at the same time they were clearly not in love, they were clearly together for the sake of it and I had been in that situation and gotten out of it. It’s hard to take a relationship like that seriously. Having said that I would never get involved with someone who was in a relationship so friendship would be as far as this could ever go.

Pretty soon we were messaging all the time again, mostly about nonsense but making each other laugh. He started calling me again and we would be on the phone for ages talking rubbish and making each other laugh. We would talk seriously too and he would entertain my whole day. One evening we were on the phone and all of a sudden the call cut off – I knew 100% that his girlfriend has just come home – I called back, no answer, he messages me saying ‘I don’t want to argue with this girl’ I reply ‘excuse me?’ ‘my girlfriend’ he replies. I told him that we shouldn’t talk if it was a problem and he assured me it wasn’t and then went on to tell me that the phone just cut off and there was a problem with the network – Yeh sure genius, because I am a fricking idiot aren’t I!!!! – I called him the next day and explained that we weren’t friends, we spoke all day every day and I felt like I was doing something wrong and didn’t like it. He tried to convince me otherwise but I just wouldn’t have it. That was that. He wished me luck with a guy I had recently been on a first date with – our very own Mr Angry PT guy – and said that I deserved happiness and we left it there.

 

Over the next week I still heard from him and I would tell him to leave me alone, it was the usual routine where he ignores me and messages anyway. I was at a bit of loose end. The guy I was due to go out with again turned into a bit of a weirdo – as we know so I got rid of him. – I was feeling a little bit lost with my work and my life and now I had to deal with saying goodbye to Mr Disaster AGAIN! Why am I punishing myself, we are only talking to each other, I don’t know his girlfriend, I don’t owe her anything, I’m certainly not going to be the other woman so I’m not doing anything wrong. Why do I always have to do the right thing for everybody else. Right now it isn’t hurting me to talk to him so why do I have to make myself suffer by stopping. So I did something that I never expected to do and Mr Disaster certainly didn’t expect me to do it. I sent him a message, just a confused face, that was it but I knew that was enough. He hadn’t been on his Whatsapp on this phone for a couple of days but the second he saw the message he responded. I had a go at him – ‘why did you ever have to message me again, why couldn’t you just leave me be?, I was fine before you came back into my life and now I have to say goodbye to someone I get on with and I haven’t even done anything wrong!’ He simply replied ‘would you like to go for a drink tonight?’ We arranged to meet up somewhere local to both of us, I was actually secretly a bit excited – only because it had been so long, not because I had feelings…of course….because we are just friends.

We ended up having a really nice catch up and…..no, you should know me better than that by now! We didn’t stay out too long and we just had a nice friendly time. He messaged me straight after saying he had a nice time and we went back to talking as normal.

I kept saying I didn’t have feelings for him but the only person I was fooling was myself and to be honest, I wasn’t doing a very good job of that either. Mr Disaster was something else in my life. He was refreshing, he didn’t hide that he cared about me (unlike many of the other bad apples), he fought for my attention, he listened, he joked, he was serious. I felt so relaxed talking to him, I didn’t feel like I was bugging him – I couldn’t really he always bugged me – I didn’t feel like a nuisance to him, it wasn’t too serious and there was no pressure. We just got on like a house on fire, we could talk about nothing all day every day and we did. People like that don’t come into your life everyday and when they do it means something. We were like magnets, the closer we got the more powerful the force. I knew that this couldn’t last. Truth was he was no way going to be brave enough to leave his girlfriend and setup on his own, he was too proud and way too afraid. I knew that I wouldn’t tolerate this ‘friendship’ going nowhere for much longer. With him it was easy to fall and I knew he had fallen too.

A couple of weeks later it was my friend’s birthday party and he had again asked me if I wanted to go for a drink so my friend suggested I invite him to the party instead. I was excited that he was coming but in general I just wanted to go out and celebrate my friend’s birthday. I had still been a bit stressed at that time and had been feeling anxiety creep its way back into my life. I just wanted to go and have a few drinks and let my hair down.

I had more than a few drinks and was quite drunk quite quickly. Mr Disaster turned up and looked….well…..like himself and I was very drunkenly happy in my little world. The problem was I wasn’t happy and me getting drunk was a nice little escape from my crazy head. Somehow a conversation was triggered by my friend about the two of us and she was warning him to treat me nicely, the next thing I remember he is talking about how I wouldn’t be able to trust him if he left his girlfriend and got with me. I was saying something along the lines of my usual jargon ‘you have missed out on the best thing you could have’ – please be assured this isn’t a ploy to get him to leave his girlfriend, I would never want that kind of pressure on me. Imagine it didn’t work out, I would feel responsible for the whole thing…..no way, I don’t need that on my head. – So then the worst thing in the world that I could imagine doing happened…I got upset and…  yep, I fricking started crying – IDIOT…IDIOT….IDIOT!!!!!! Another friend saw me upset and asked me if he should tell Mr Disaster to go and I said yes, the last thing I wanted was for anyone else to see me upset so I just concentrated on looking normal (yeh right). He wouldn’t go without talking to me and seeing if I was alright. He took me outside and I wasn’t really interested in talking to him, I didn’t want him around while I was upset. I shouted at him and he left. My friend got me back to his to sleep it off. I later found a message on my phone from him that said something along the lines of:

I hate that I am the reason you are upset. A man should know a woman’s worth and you are worth a lot. It’s time for me to step up and do the right thing so I will leave you alone forever now.

To the best of my memory that is what he wrote. Ok so underneath the cosmetics of pretty compliments all I hear from this is that I am going to let you go. Someone willing to let you go is never worth it, just for future reference.

 

I was so confused when I woke up. Why did it always get like this between us. A big final cut off, why couldn’t we just enjoy our friendship. I rang him and told him straight that I didn’t want him to leave his girlfriend for me, I didn’t want to be in a relationship with him and that I was only interested in being his friend (why I was hanging on here I do not know).  I don’t think he liked hearing that, not that he would ever admit it. A couple of days went by and something really didn’t feel right. My head was all over the place. I spoke to one of my closest friends and she told me to stop beating around the bush and just deal with the situation once and for all. So I did. I asked him how he felt about me and he told me ‘I like you and I think you are an amazing individual but I can’t be with you at the moment because I have a girlfriend’. This is exactly the type of message I expected and I simply needed to hear it. I said to him ‘Mr Disaster I like you too, I can pretend I don’t but I do. If this isn’t going anywhere then I need to walk away for good this time. You saying you can’t be with me at the moment means you want to hold me there and I deserve better.’ He tried to say life was a bitch but I told him that life is exactly what you make it.

I used my anger that day to face my fear of doing my first handstand….ok so it was against the wall but I still did it, it was something I had been trying to do for so long that all of my colleagues were even desperately trying to help me do it. It may sound silly but it was something I was too scared to do so I asked myself ‘am I going to live a life of fear like this fool? Hell no!’ So I did something I was scared to do – even if it sounds small I felt great afterwards.

 

I have ignored him since. I erased his numbers and all of our messages. He messaged me but I ignored him. He called me once and I didn’t recognise the number since I erased it, I very quickly got off of the phone. I was done with him. It still hurt, I carried on with everything as normal but I did have feelings for Mr Disaster and you can’t control feelings. He was someone who was in my life morning until night, non stop. Someone I really connected with and someone I could not hate. The truth is I just love me more now days and I won’t be second best to anyone. Show me that you see my worth or I will show you nothing. Simple as. Still doesn’t stop the pain of walking away from someone you care about but it sure as hell makes it easier! Goodbye Mr Disaster, forever and ever…..or….until Part 3 – Great!