This, in theory, should be a topic that doesn’t need covering. However, it does need covering….very much so….for both genders.
Good conversation is essential for a date to be considered successful and although nerves can come in to play a bit it is really quite simple to avoid any awkward ‘mind-blanking’ silent moments.
It is also very obvious to avoid being vulgar or emotional…or so I thought. Apparently too many people are unaware of what shouldn’t be talked about on a first date.
So below are some of those beloved Do’s and Don’ts.
- Ask questions – It is important to make an effort to get to know the person you are on a date with. Take an interest in who they are.
- Listen – Do not interrupt (unless it is relevant to what they are talking about and cannot wait another two minutes). Listening is so important. Too often people try to simply compete with each other. It is not a fun conversation when it goes along the lines of ‘I did this’ ‘well I did this’ ‘and I like this’ ‘well I like this’. Each time you open your mouth remember it is not a chance to brag about what or who you are in comparison the other person. Enjoy listening.
- Be honest about what you are looking for – you don’t have to inform someone that they need to marry you or show them the condom in your wallet, but, being open about what you are looking for ensures you are both on the same page and not wasting each other’s time.
- Be genuine – you don’t need to act or be a certain way. Let someone get an idea of who the real you is.
- Talk about sex – Learn someone’s boundaries before making possible inappropriate comments. It is important to show a lady you respect them and pushing through those boundaries too fast could be fatal. Likewise ladies, it is important to show a man you respect yourself.
- Act like you are with your friends – Whilst it is important to be comfortable with someone you are considering as a partner it is important to consider that you are not ‘chilling with a friend’ you are in fact, on a date. A little charm goes along way as does a little grace and elegance. It is nice to have a joke and be able to have fun and relax but remember you are playing man and woman not Tweedledee and Tweedledum. Save that for your actual friend’s. Speak politely, keep your jokes clean and be kind. I actually have a friend who went on a date with a guy that spoke about his toilet activities for a good while. He didn’t pick up the disgust on her face or the confused and nervous laugh. He just carried on with the subject. I will let you guess whether or not she met up with him again. I have been on a date where the guy told me all about his recent first experience with LSD. I hadn’t once mentioned drugs or implied that I would find anything of the sort impressive. I was completely unimpressed by his story and my face clearly showed this but he went right on talking and laughing at himself. I have endless stories of shocking conversation topics from myself and my friends that still leave us jaw dropping-ly gobsmacked.
- Put down the other person. The person sitting opposite you is exactly who you see. If you don’t like what they say or think then accept that they are not the person for you. Do not criticise the way they are simply because you are different. Accept it or move on. The amount of men that have thought they can manipulate me into changing who I am by belittling my principles and beliefs is astonishing….and guess what…..not one of them managed to succeed but they were all completely shocked that I didn’t want to see them again. The other side of this is that you can make someone feel bad about themselves and that is not on, no matter who you are.
- Excuse behaviour that you won’t tolerate down the line – If you are spoken to in a way you do not like then make it clear. You cannot simply brush it off and then have a problem with it at a later date. Be clear on what is acceptable and unacceptable from the beginning.
- Be too emotional or negative – Yes you want to meet someone you can eventually share everything with but you are not an open buffet. Save some personal problems for down the line – or try to resolve them before hand. Nobody wants to hear all about your debt, your horrible boss, your Ex’s, your health worries or your miserable outlook on life. Your personal problems are exactly that – personal. Unless it is a fun story or you gently touch on the subject because you have been asked, nobody wants to save someone from the victim river so wear your armbands and a rubber ring. That damsel in distress act is not to be confused with a Negative Nancy!
People are so different that you cannot put too many rules on conversation but you can follow some basic and courteous guidelines. Prepare some questions before you arrive and that way if conversation does run out a little bit you can try to spark it off again. I have included some nice easy questions you can use below:
- Do you have brothers or sisters?
- Have you always lived in the area?
- What kind of films do you like?
- Have you ever had any pets?
- Have you travelled to many countries?
These are some easy questions that can spark off a whole new conversation with tons of sub topics.
In the meantime pride I would love to hear some of the most shocking things you have had to listen to…..