You!

What do you believe?  In the very core of your being what feels right?  Does the world you live in back up those beliefs?  Or does it contradict those beliefs?

 

Sometimes you can look around you and realise not a lot makes sense.  Money doesn’t make sense.  Stuff doesn’t make sense.  Working as a pawn in someone else’s dream doesn’t make sense.

 

Sometimes it does make sense, sometimes you are in harmony with how you feel and the world’s very rotation is comfortably making sense to you.

 

Where does it make sense?  Where does it not make sense?  Can you feel where inside of you that happens?  Do you understand that you are being shown what is right and wrong right from inside of you?  Or do you ignore it as nonsense?

 

We have only one way of knowing what is right and wrong and sometimes that is buried deep down underneath our thoughts, our insecurities, our stresses and our busy lives.  But it is there.  Every answer you ever need from the most knowledgable source we have access to is inside of us.  Let it confuse you, let it help you, let it freak you the hell out but LISTEN TO IT.  Trust yourself.  Making mistakes is all part of it.  One day it just won’t matter but it will matter if you avoided yourself in case it mattered.

 

Listen and Live.

 

We are amazing Pride!

It’s coming to the end of another year and many of us will think about our New Year’s Resolutions soon.  We will decide what it is we want and how we are going to get it, then come January 1st it’s all go, go, go.

 

This year I have a different approach for you all.  Think about what it is you want to change, think about the promises you want to make for yourself.  Write them down, imagine them and pretend they are real. Feels great right?

 

Now I want you to choose just one of your resolutions and I want you to write down or think of 5 actions that will help you achieve these.  For example, you want to lose 6kg by May.  5 actions could be:

  • Go to the gym/exercise 3 days a week.
  • Cut out chocolate 6 days a week.
  • Eat more vegetables.
  • Buy a dress a size smaller.
  • Take a picture of yourself as you are now for your before and after photo.

 

Now, notice that all of these are actions.  They all require your doing.  Now instead of picking the easiest one and doing it and then ignoring the rest I want you to pick a day, this week, and commit yourself to taking action on this chosen day toward your goals, using at least 3 of your ‘harder’ actions.  For example, on Thursday you could commit to the following:

  • No chocolate after 3pm.
  • Each meal must include a vegetable of some sort.
  • You will walk up the escalator on the way to work.

 

That is it.  That is all you have to commit to.  Just one day.  If you find it easy perhaps add in the action of taking that picture of yourself, or browse dresses online and see what you would like to buy.  Then don’t force yourself to do anything else until the following week….unless, you want to.  Know that the other days you put in extra work are optional, if you do an extra day the first week but not the second then that is OK!  But, on that one day you have promised to yourself, you must stay committed to your goals.

 

There are less than 4 weeks left of this year which means that by the time we meet January 1st, you will have already been working on your Resolutions for 3 weeks.  You will already be prepared.  You will be on your way!  This will help you to feel organised and motivated because you won’t be starting everything from scratch and it will feel good to continue your efforts.

 

Another quick example just to explore different goals is the idea that perhaps you want a new career, perhaps you want to earn more money or bag an interview with a dream company or even start your own business.  5 actions could be as follows:

  • Write down what you would like to be doing and where clearly and in detail.
  • Research 10 companies that you would like to work for and find a contact name of a senior person relevant to the role for each.
  • Write a list of qualities and skills you have and where you see yourself in 10 years
  • Write a letter explaining who you are, what you want to do in your career and why you are good at it.
  • Go to work imagining you have your dream role, dress the part, talk the part and put in the same effort you would if you had it already.

 

There, 5 actions.  They may seem big or small to you, but either way, they are 5 actions that will get you moving forward.  Pick one day and again choose 3 of those.  For example, on Wednesday you will:

  • Write down what you would like to be doing and where, as listed above.
  • Choose an outfit for work tomorrow that makes you feel worthy of this new role.  You want to feel empowered and successful so choose an outfit that will help with this.
  • Research one company, find out who to contact (choose someone senior that has influence in the business) and put it in to a document on your computer so you an add to it the week after with more companies.

 

This is me stripping it down to the bare minimum.  Any extra work you want to do is great but the idea is that we don’t want any of it to seem daunting.  Get your body into the beginning of a habit, a habit that will move you towards your goals in a realistic and sustainable manner.

 

Let’s start our New Year’s Resolutions in preparation for the New Year, so that we can potentially spend January 1st recovering from the celebrations and with a restful mindset knowing that you are on your way!

 

Onwards we go Pride!

 

 

 

Just trying to fit in!

When I was younger all I wanted was to be normal. I wanted to fit in. I didn’t want to be singled out. I wanted to be liked and blend in with everyone.  
I didn’t want the bullies to take a shine to me, I didn’t want them to scream in my ears in the playground, circle around my friends so that I would stand alone, make up embarrassing rumours about me, threaten me, start on me or throw the things that hurt me in my face. I didn’t want to be humiliated. I just wanted to be normal. I just wanted to fit in.
When I lost my mum at 13, I didn’t want to be the girl whose mum had just died, I didn’t want everyone to look at me, pity me, know that I was the girl with no mum. I didn’t want to be the talk of the school. I just wanted to be normal. I just wanted to fit in.
As I got older and faced monsters in the shape of grown-ups, I didn’t want to be the damaged woman, I didn’t want to be the one with a troubled childhood, I didn’t want to be the one that came with baggage, I didn’t want to be the one scarred by the actions of people doing wrong, I didn’t want to be pitied and have eyes rolled behind my back. I just wanted to be normal. I just wanted to fit in
But I wasn’t normal.
I felt far from normal and I was FAR from normal. I realised that by hiding how different I was that I was actually crushing my own soul, by trying to be like everyone else I was becoming nobody, by fitting in I was losing any meaning of life.  
I am not normal and nor would I want to be, I am the only one of me. Why would I want to be invisible? Why would I want to live my life to be accepted by other people that are no better than me? Why would I base what is ‘right’ on other people’s opinions? Why would I want to hand my worth to someone else when it is the most valuable diamond of this earth?
I wouldn’t. I don’t want to be anyone but me. I don’t want to be anything other than who I am. I don’t want to concern myself with the opinion of ‘they’. I want to be every part of me. I want to feel every drop of my blood feed my body. I want to think every thought that runs through my mind. I want to speak every truth that flows from my heart and I want to be a platform for my soul to give meaning to this world.
I want to live. I want to tell others to live too. I want to help everyone see how completely not normal they really are. I want everyone to know that a light shines in them with colours that no one has ever seen before.
Realising that no part of me is normal is when I truly began to fit in. I fit in to me. To my own skin. To my own world. And it’s fantastic.
Be you.
Fit in with you!
We are all part of one seriously abnormal Pride fellow Lions and Lionesses! 

Live live live!

Follow your heart.  If it feels right then it is the right path for you to take, don’t worry about the money, don’t worry about what others think and don’t wait for something better, live now.  Don’t miss out on something good because it’s not the way you imagined it, keep your expectations relaxed and your standards high and the world will treat you right! 

You got the power!

We have got to take responsibility for ourselves and teach our children to do the same.  
Imagine if in every argument we had, instead of throwing accusations and blame towards someone else, we actually took responsibility for our own feelings and actions.
You have control of your life you just have to actually take it. If someone is making you upset or not treating you right then why on earth are you still bothering? Why are you attacking them for not changing or behaving the way you want them to. Take responsibility for yourself and recognise that you do not want to be there and you want to find someone who treats you in line with how you want to be treated.
When someone is making your life ‘hell’ change your behaviour in the situation.  
Yes it might be scary and feel hard but its the only way you will really get what you want and teach others how to do the same.  
We have got to stop blaming the world for how our life is and realise that we are shaping our own life all the time.  
Set your standards, don’t lower them for anyone and be ready to make the decisions your life will require from you.
Your life, your way pride!

Shine bright like a diamond!

You are everything! Everything you need, everything the world needs and everything beautiful in this world. You are full of greatness, let some of it spill out, go on, even just a pinch. It will change the world.

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RUNNING MAN PART 2

I know right – him again. Well no story would ever be fun without some tales of lowering your standards so much so, that you actually prune the path that lets idiots walk back into your life. So at least I can provide some entertainment.

So I had been out with our banker guy and that had ended pretty badly. I had just gotten home after an extremely long bus journey. I was tired and had been missing The Running Man a little bit. I wasn’t upset though, I had actually found the evening funny. I knew it would always be a good story at the very least and I felt a sense of independence that I was proud of.  I had escaped an arsehole and his underground car park and then I had found my way home through the nighttime jungle of drunken party goers.

 

I had just tucked myself into bed when my work phone went off – It was the Running Man – I had blocked him from contacting me on my personal phone and had forgotten he had my work number too. He sent me several messages trying to get me to talk to him. He saw me go online, read them and then go offline. He didn’t stop messaging so I asked him what he wanted. He tried to apologise and say he missed me. I wasn’t having any of it though and eventually he called me. He was telling me how he had freaked out majorly and hadn’t felt this way about anybody before and he didn’t think he was good enough so he just ran and he felt so awful about it all. He said he opened up to his brother and even he had a go at him for the way he had treated me. He told me how he would be at work miserable, trying to think of things wrong with me so he wouldn’t think about me as much but he couldn’t find anything real enough. Now pride, he might be a schmuck but he isn’t doing too badly with these lines is he? He went on and on for about an hour telling me he just wanted one more chance. So I said to him ‘Running Man, you are giving me a whole bunch of reasons as to how amazing you think I am, however, I am not going to commend you for seeing what is in front of you, I want to know why on earth I should even consider giving you another chance. He went on to tell me he wanted to prove to me that he was good for me and that he could be the man I deserved. I blamed him for my bad date, I told him I had a date lined up on the Sunday too. I told him that I was so angry.

The annoying thing was that I could feel I was going to forgive him. I knew it. I should have not replied to any of those first messages but I had and here I was entertaining this conversation. There was no point in pretending otherwise. Besides, people deserve second chances right?

So we were back to seeing each other. He asked me if I was still planning to go on my Sunday date and I told him if he wanted me to cancel he better arrange something for us to do instead. He did. We had a nice day together and things were good again. I still panicked every time I didn’t hear back from him for a few hours, I was still waiting for things to go wrong and him to disappear, but he didn’t and things were good.

A couple of weeks passed and me and my little sister had decided to get away for a night. A real girly night away just the two of us and then the next night I was going to spend with the man in question. It had turned out to be a pretty bad day, he had to go into work for a pretty stressful meeting and was really worried and my cousin had phoned me to tell me my Uncle was in hospital and wasn’t going to be with us for much longer. The two of us had a nice conversation trying to lift each other’s spirits. I decided to still go away and make the most of our plans.

About an hour after we arrived at the hotel my cousin phoned and told me the sad news that my Uncle had passed away. It was a sad moment. Still I was glad to be with my sister and thankful for the support from our Running Man. I decided to see how his meeting was going and if he was out tell him what had happened.

I couldn’t see him on Whatsapp. I tried calling him, straight to voicemail. I picked up my sister’s phone and called him – ringing. He has done it again. What the hell?? WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL????? IS HE SERIOUS? It was all a bit much to take in the space of 20 minutes so I took a moment to breathe and compose myself. I blocked him on everything. Sent him a very angry message off of my sister’s phone and opened a bottle of wine. He was then spotted later on that evening back on POF, his photo, his details except with a different age and star-sign. Where do these crazies crawl out from? All I knew was that I was done giving him chances. He would never have a space in my head!

That is the thing with second chances. They shouldn’t be given out too easily. Do you think if you cross a Lioness you will get away with it even once? Most certainly not, there wouldn’t even be a second time. Bare this in mind when you are hearing the desperate plea of an undeserving male suitor!

A few more crazies to work through yet pride don’t worry…..!

DATING DO’S AND DONT’S PART 6

CONVERSATION

This, in theory, should be a topic that doesn’t need covering. However, it does need covering….very much so….for both genders.

Good conversation is essential for a date to be considered successful and although nerves can come in to play a bit it is really quite simple to avoid any awkward ‘mind-blanking’ silent moments.

It is also very obvious to avoid being vulgar or emotional…or so I thought. Apparently too many people are unaware of what shouldn’t be talked about on a first date.

So below are some of those beloved Do’s and Don’ts.

DO:

  • Ask questions – It is important to make an effort to get to know the person you are on a date with. Take an interest in who they are.
  • Listen – Do not interrupt (unless it is relevant to what they are talking about and cannot wait another two minutes). Listening is so important. Too often people try to simply compete with each other. It is not a fun conversation when it goes along the lines of ‘I did this’ ‘well I did this’ ‘and I like this’ ‘well I like this’. Each time you open your mouth remember it is not a chance to brag about what or who you are in comparison the other person. Enjoy listening.
  • Be honest about what you are looking for – you don’t have to inform someone that they need to marry you or show them the condom in your wallet, but, being open about what you are looking for ensures you are both on the same page and not wasting each other’s time.
  • Be genuine – you don’t need to act or be a certain way. Let someone get an idea of who the real you is.

DON’T:

  • Talk about sex – Learn someone’s boundaries before making possible inappropriate comments. It is important to show a lady you respect them and pushing through those boundaries too fast could be fatal. Likewise ladies, it is important to show a man you respect yourself.
  • Act like you are with your friends – Whilst it is important to be comfortable with someone you are considering as a partner it is important to consider that you are not ‘chilling with a friend’ you are in fact, on a date. A little charm goes along way as does a little grace and elegance. It is nice to have a joke and be able to have fun and relax but remember you are playing man and woman not Tweedledee and Tweedledum. Save that for your actual friend’s. Speak politely, keep your jokes clean and be kind. I actually have a friend who went on a date with a guy that spoke about his toilet activities for a good while. He didn’t pick up the disgust on her face or the confused and nervous laugh. He just carried on with the subject. I will let you guess whether or not she met up with him again. I have been on a date where the guy told me all about his recent first experience with LSD. I hadn’t once mentioned drugs or implied that I would find anything of the sort impressive. I was completely unimpressed by his story and my face clearly showed this but he went right on talking and laughing at himself. I have endless stories of shocking conversation topics from myself and my friends that still leave us jaw dropping-ly gobsmacked.
  • Put down the other person. The person sitting opposite you is exactly who you see. If you don’t like what they say or think then accept that they are not the person for you. Do not criticise the way they are simply because you are different. Accept it or move on. The amount of men that have thought they can manipulate me into changing who I am by belittling my principles and beliefs is astonishing….and guess what…..not one of them managed to succeed but they were all completely shocked that I didn’t want to see them again. The other side of this is that you can make someone feel bad about themselves and that is not on, no matter who you are.
  • Excuse behaviour that you won’t tolerate down the line – If you are spoken to in a way you do not like then make it clear. You cannot simply brush it off and then have a problem with it at a later date. Be clear on what is acceptable and unacceptable from the beginning.
  • Be too emotional or negative – Yes you want to meet someone you can eventually share everything with but you are not an open buffet. Save some personal problems for down the line – or try to resolve them before hand. Nobody wants to hear all about your debt, your horrible boss, your Ex’s, your health worries or your miserable outlook on life. Your personal problems are exactly that – personal. Unless it is a fun story or you gently touch on the subject because you have been asked, nobody wants to save someone from the victim river so wear your armbands and a rubber ring. That damsel in distress act is not to be confused with a Negative Nancy!

People are so different that you cannot put too many rules on conversation but you can follow some basic and courteous guidelines. Prepare some questions before you arrive and that way if conversation does run out a little bit you can try to spark it off again. I have included some nice easy questions you can use below:

  • Do you have brothers or sisters?
  • Have you always lived in the area?
  • What kind of films do you like?
  • Have you ever had any pets?
  • Have you travelled to many countries?

These are some easy questions that can spark off a whole new conversation with tons of sub topics.

In the meantime pride I would love to hear some of the most shocking things you have had to listen to…..

WB

Ok, so as you know I wasn’t wasting tears on the Running Man and I was speaking to several other guys from my online dating site and had set up two dates for the weekend. Friday night’s date was with an investment banker I had previously been speaking to around New Year. I had cancelled because things were going so well with Running Man and I wanted to see them out. He invited me to go for a drink around Canary Wharf. I agreed, normally I would meet someone halfway but I just decided to go, it was only an hour on the train. I had been very clearly warned about ‘wanker bankers’ by my friend Unice and had been given some key points to look out for and remember. I was told the following:

  • Their job is to manipulate people so they will be very good at conversation and selling themselves as a nice person.
  • They are very flash so watch out for any kind of bragging about material posessions or anything too impressive.
  • You will be treated very nicely and taken somewhere extremely nice.
  • They are not so good with criticism and are very well aware that investment bankers are referred to as ‘wanker bankers’.
  • They need to be in control and are very arrogant.
  • They typically drive Audi’s.

Now I know it is not fair to tarnish everybody with the same brush but it is also my experience that some stereotypes have developed for a reason. So I was ready.

He came and picked me up from the station in his nice blue Audi convertible, he never mentioned he was driving. He took me to a Radisson Hotel for drinks. He was charming and had very good conversation skills. He threw in a story of his favourite footballer being at one of his parent’s parties growing up and how much it meant to him. He had been through his fair share of pain growing up too and had some real moments of opening up. He didn’t like my friend warning me away from investment bankers and had no idea that investment bankers were given a bad rep, he was quick to belittle her with an assumption of why she would say that too. He led the conversation and very much used my lack of knowledge on a subject that I wasn’t good at against me, which, didn’t work so well for him, I am not afraid of not knowing something.

The evening was lovely and I had a lovely time with him, at the end he was paying for our drinks and I let him, he had been a perfect gentleman and then he turned towards me, not really looking at me and said ‘thanks for offering to pay for the drinks by the way’. I wanted to laugh, a nice way to imply I was in his debt, I replied ‘thanks for meeting me halfway’. He had no reply. This is the instance you know a man is not serious about you. We got into the car and he asked me if my train was still running. I hadn’t even thought about it, it was gone midnight, I normally drove everywhere so I had no idea. I looked on my phone and was trying to read what it was saying when he took the phone from me to have a look (erm I can read thanks) ‘looks like you will have to get buses, well for a small fee of course you are more than welcome to stay at mine’. I laughed and explained that I would be fine getting home even if I had to get buses and said he could just drop me off at the station (thanks for offering to take me somewhere closer – NOT). The next thing I know he is driving through electric gates into a block of flats and into a sheltered car park. ‘What the hell are you doing?’ I asked. He was barely responding and it wasn’t until he had practically parked he asked ‘aren’t we going upstairs to continue talking?’ ‘No we absolutely are not, this is a first date I am not coming into your house’. He didn’t really say much so I was filling in the gaps ‘erm why are you parking, I need to get to the station, smooth move by the way but I am a traditional girl’, he responded ‘I don’t really know what you mean by that but ok……..do you mind if I at least go up to get some water first?’ He asked me in a tone that made me feel like I was being such a complete pain in the backside. ‘By all means YOU can go and get water if you want to.’ I said in a matter of fact tone, he then asked ‘you are really going to stay here while I do that?’ ‘Yes I am, I have told you I am not going into your house.’ What an arsehole, he was trying to make me feel so uncomfortable. Girls should not be guilt tripped into going into a mans house on the first date…or any date for that matter. This was really unacceptable behaviour. He started to drive out of the gates and muttered an apology sulkily under his breath which I made him repeat by pretending not to hear. He was in such a sulk I actually asked him if he was annoyed. Not because I cared if he was but I was intrigued in case he dared to be – he of course said no. He asked me where I wanted him to take me in that same ‘I can’t be bothered to deal with this’ voice and I just told him Canary Wharf station, I didn’t know where else was near. He knew full well there were no trains running and that I didn’t know the area but he wasn’t getting sex so what did he care. It was raining. I had no umbrella. I thanked him for the evening and politely said goodbye even though I was seething, he told me to call him if I got stuck in a tone of voice that let me know he was just being polite. Screw you for your help, I will be just fine! I had to get a bus to Trafalgar Square, when I got there I couldn’t find my next bus stop so I jumped in a black cab to Leicester Square (a whole 5 second journey). From there I got the N20 back to North London so I could walk to get to my car at Totteridge & Whetstone station so I could drive home. I started my journey at about 12:30am and I got home at 3:00am. Thank god for my friend for keeping me company over whatsapp and Aretha Franklin for playing in my ears. I got home and actually laughed at the evening. It had been so eventful that I couldn’t be angry and I had gotten myself home all by myself. I didn’t need a stupid man to take me to a stupid closer station.

I had been thinking of the Running Man the whole way home and how I missed him (stupidly I know). If he had never been such an idiot I wouldn’t even be on this stupid date…..03:20 whatsapp message…..Running Man. What the hell? I thought that chapter was over…………….

 

Well I am sure we will find out Pride. Until then…have a wonderful New Year and be safe, stay merry and have so much fun! I wish you all the chance to learn, grow and make your dreams come true in the year ahead! xxxx

 

DATING DO’S AND DON’TS PART 5

FIRST MESSAGE:

So now we need to talk about actually meeting up with someone and being on a real date. This doesn’t just apply to someone you have met off of Tinder or online dating sites. This applies to anyone. The first message is in regards to setting up the date. So you arrange a day to meet and possibly a time….what then? Well, again there are several do’s and don’ts that you fellas need to learn and that you ladies need to tolerate and not tolerate.

Do:

  • Arrange a venue and let us know where we need to be.

 

  • Let us know a time well in advance – we need to plan getting ready.

 

  • Follow up on the day and confirm the details.

Don’t:

  • Arrange a day and time and leave it to the day for us to chase you about a location.

 

  • Leave it to us to arrange.

 

  • Make us travel further than you.

This is such a simple one but so many of you seem to get it so wrong. The fact of the matter is that most of you ‘men’ want a real woman yet you don’t want to be a real man. It’s not a one way street. We are different gender’s and therefore we have differences. Yes yes there are equal rights now set in place by a government that tells you how to be and yes society has messed up our roles in our own gender but if you want the real deal you have to BE the real deal – and this goes for women too!  This is a whole new topic for a later date though.

Fellas, just choose a nice location halfway – or even one stop closer to her as this will give you extra brownie points for being so considerate. Look up a bar that you can go to for a couple of drinks. It doesn’t have to be the Ritz for a 7-course meal followed by ballroom dancing all night. Just make simple arrangements and tell us a time and place to meet you. This will be noted by us and will impress us from the get go. You are making your work so much easier from this simple effort.

Telling us a time in advance is important because we like to plan our day according to our grooming. Women like to take their time to look nice for you and letting us know when we have to be there in advance means we can make a proper effort, which, after all, is mostly for you anyway.

We don’t want to get to the day of the date and not hear from you until half an hour before. Just send us a little message in the morning or the night before to confirm everything is still ok. It will show us you are thinking about us and put our minds at rest.

All of these simple things will give us a great first impression of you and help to start things off on a really good note. You are not going above and beyond or having to break the bank either, just showing us that you use your head and are a man – which is what a woman wants.

So many times I have complained to my friends or vice versa that we have arranged a day and then nothing is mentioned until we chase up on the day – by then we have pretty much lost interest anyway. The other one that turns us off quicker than you can actually press send on a message is ‘where do you want to go’ – euuurrggghhh just take control. A woman is quite capable of organising a complete household with one hand, a full-time job with the other and several of her friend’s emotional issues with her big toe so we want the chance to switch our multi-tasking minds off and be taken out and treated – you can do this simply by organising the date and messaging her the details – not too much to ask for is it?

If it is too much to ask for then you are not looking for anything serious and ladies – run for the hills – he is just not worth it.

Set your standards higher and you will meet someone who respects standards!

Woohoo – Lioness fever is spreading…….