Follow your heart. If it feels right then it is the right path for you to take, don’t worry about the money, don’t worry about what others think and don’t wait for something better, live now. Don’t miss out on something good because it’s not the way you imagined it, keep your expectations relaxed and your standards high and the world will treat you right!
We all want happiness right? We all want to feel that feeling of pure joy spreading through every fibre of our being.
How do we go about doing it? Some will travel, some will party, some will spend time with family or friends, and some will search every nook and cranny for a little taste of the good stuff.
It might be an interview for a job that you really want, so you turn up and do your very best to impress them.
You may be looking for Prince Charming so you scan every corner of every space you move through, making sure you don’t miss the chance to lock eyes with him. You make sure you appear fun and pretty at all times so he will see how worthy you are.
You may want a large circle of friends that adore you so you go out of your way for them and always agree with what they want to do or what they say, because you are ‘easy going like that’.
But has doing any of those things led to true happiness? I doubt it. What it normally leads to is denial. Denial about how little you value yourself, denial about how little you love yourself and denial about how unworthy you really believe you are. Denial then leads to excuses and before you know it you are in a vicious cycle keeping you securely locked into a false sense of happiness whilst you skate across a cracked frozen lake.
If you are going for a job interview, make sure you interview them too, you are going to be putting your time and effort into this company, you need to make sure it is the right place for you to spend so much time. Let them see who you really are, that should be enough alone for them to hire you. Being what you think someone else wants you to be implies you can read minds, you can’t so give it up!
Love isn’t a game of hide and seek, don’t waste your time searching for it. Instead enjoy time with yourself, enjoy being you, every part of you. If you find that hard then try new ways – speak to a counsellor, walk in the park, hug yourself and tell yourself in the mirror how amazing you are. Stop waiting for a man to save you, Prince Charming will find you when you become a Princess and Princesses don’t need anyone else to tell them that they are royal!
If your friends only adore you when you are people pleasing or acting as their servant then they aren’t your friends. True friends want the best for you and give as much as they receive – maybe in different ways but it is a balance nevertheless.
All this work you put in to convince others you are worth something could be spent on discovering your own worth. Expecting someone else to save you is as beneficial as waiting for a ferry at a bus stop. Put time, money and effort into your self-growth and you will see the things you want so bad are actually manifesting around you naturally.
Happiness comes from within you! Find it inside of you and stop looking for someone to save you because you are the only person who can, how exciting!
Standing strong on our feet pride!
How many times have you said one of the following:
- I am going to eat healthy
- I am going to exercise today
- I am going to stop smoking
- I am going to clear out this room in the house
- I am going to chase my dreams tomorrow
How many times have you found a reason not to stick to the thing you have promised yourself?
How many times is it for one of the following reasons:
- I’m too busy
- I’m too tired
- I can just do it tomorrow
- I had to help one of my friends
- I need to wait until I’m in the right frame of mind
- It won’t make a difference
- I don’t really want to change
You are the only person that can control your world and each time you make an excuse as to why you aren’t going to do something that YOU want to do you are holding yourself back. There is a simple way to fix this and the formula is below:
Decide to do something – Do It – If it feels hard – Still do it – If you feel tired – Just do it anyway – I you feel like giving up – Don’t.
You have to stand strong. Imagine you are telling off a child who is about to draw on the wall the conversation might go something like this:
you: Don’t you even think about drawing on that wall.
Child: (Goes to draw on wall).
You: I’m warning you, don’t draw on that wall.
Child: (Looks at wall thinking about what to do).
You: If you draw on that wall you won’t be allowed any treats.
Child: (Still goes to draw on wall)
You: (Take crayons off of child and send them to the naughty step).
Imagine the child is the part of your mind trying to give in to the easy option, the one saying ‘it can all start tomorrow, don’t worry about today’. You have to activate your ‘parent’ voice. Don’t let that child draw on the wall – Don’t let yourself de-commit to your self promises. You won’t gain ANYTHING from doing so. But you will gain SO much from standing strong and doing the things that you say you are going to do. It will start to become a habit that you are motivated and you will find it easier and easier to stick to your goals.
Be that person. Just be it. No saying ‘yeh but’, no lame excuses, no dramatic reasons why you can’t. Just. Do. It.
Separating the winners, Pride, oh won’t you climb with me!
(photo from anonymous source – Facebook)
Nobody can fix our lives for us.
Nobody can tell us the right path for us to walk.
Nobody can tell you what is best for you.
But you can……you can do anything for your life you want to. You just have to build trust within yourself and follow your heart.
You have the power. Always have and always will.
Go and trust yourself to live.
Letting you find your own way pride!
So there seems to be this worldwide phenomenon, a way of working towards the ideal you. You can reach utter perfection just by following this simple tip. All you have to do is hate yourself perfect. How on earth can I reach the perfect me I hear you ask? Well I will tell you:
- Feel too fat? Just hate every inch of you that you think is fat!
- Feel too thin? Just hate all the skinniest parts of you, look at each rib in disgust!
- Feel too tall? Look at all of those that are shorter than you and put them higher up than you in worth!
- Feel too pale? Look at yourself in the mirror and point out how disgusting you are
- Feel you aren’t smart? Easy, envy all those that you think are clever and tell yourself you are stupid!
Does the above work well for an advert? No? There is something wrong with this tactic? Are you telling me you wouldn’t go and see a ‘hate yourself perfect’ life coach????? Well there goes that money-making scheme!
The thing is though, nearly everybody uses this technique in some part of their lives to motivate them to change. Here is the thing though:
YOU CANNOT HATE YOURSELF TO IMPROVE!
- You cannot hate yourself healthy
- You cannot hate yourself happy
- You cannot hate yourself beautiful
- You cannot hate yourself to success
For a start each of these goals listed above mean something different to everyone. What you think is beautiful is the complete opposite of beauty to someone else. What you think it means to be healthy is the complete opposite to someone else. What you think it means to be happy is the complete opposite to someone else. What you define as success is the complete opposite to someone else.
Do you see the pattern here?
Truly happy, successful, healthy and beautiful people have certain traits in common:
- They appreciate themselves
- They are attracted to themselves
- They recognise their strengths
- They acknowledge changes they want to make and enjoy working to change.
- They don’t compare themselves to others
- They don’t try to fit in
Hating yourself does one thing – It makes you feel bad. So stop!
Easier said than done right? I mean hating any part of yourself has required work and dedication. It has taken a lot of time and effort. So how can we change this?
We have to start recognising this behaviour as it happens and then we can start to change it. So here is a simple exercise to start doing this. Standing in front of the mirror I want you to look at yourself and say:
I am amazing. I am perfect. I am smart and I am beautiful. I love me.
Now I know that this can be particularly hard to do especially if you don’t believe any of this so if you find it a struggle I want you to imagine you did believe it, imagine how you would feel if you believed all of these. Imagine how you would stand, how you would smile, how you would brush your hair. How you would adjust your clothes. How you would walk past the mirror. Just imagine and then pretend you are that person JUST while you say those statements.
One more exercise I want you to try is one where you can call upon your ILV (Inner Lioness Voice). This one takes a bit more effort in recognising your own thoughts. Every time you hear yourself wishing you were different or putting yourself down I want you to stop and say to yourself
Excuse me, don’t say those things about me, I am wonderful and amazing and shame on you for thinking anything else. Get out of here!
Not only that but I want you to feel annoyed with that other voice, as if it is a person. How dare it try to put you down. That is not a kind thing to do and you won’t stand for it.
Now you are either excited to try this or worried about the amount of voices in my head but just give it a try. Print this out or write down the exercises and just try them. If they don’t work at all then you have lost nothing but you should demand the very best for yourself because you are worth it (sorry Loreal for stealing your tagline).
Admiring your greatness Pride!
(photo from anonymous source – Facebook)
Isn’t this great? Let go of that which serves you no more. Let go of those who do not deserve you. Let go of things that pull you down. Let go of anything that does not feel good for you! Let it go. That which you deserve, is fiercely looking for you, make room for it.
Often we have things about ourselves that we want to change. We want to be a bit slimmer, a bit healthier, a bit more muscly. Sometimes we wish we had more energy, better organisational skills, more will power. So what do we do about it? Well, we join a gym and decide to go 4 times a week. We decide to follow a whole new diet, cutting out any and all of the ‘bad’ foods we normally eat. We may decide to go to bed 2 hours earlier every night so we feel more awake in the day or choose to rearrange our house to make it perfectly organised. We decide right then and there that this is the best idea and that we will not stop until we complete all of these things.
So what is a common outcome of this?
We join that gym and go 4 times a week….for the first 3 or 4 weeks….and then it gets in the way of everything, it’s hard and tiring and it’s ok to miss a couple of days a week…the excitement has gone and it’s just hard work, being a regular gym goer just isn’t part of who you are. After clearing out the cupboards of all the foods you are trying to avoid you come home and are really craving something that tastes nice and fills you up, you are bored with the ‘healthy’ stuff and just want a little treat for doing so well, may aswell get something quick and easy and tasty. Soon enough the fresh food in the fridge is thrown away as it has started to go off and the old ways are back in. Going to bed 2 hours earlier was a silly idea because you don’t get everything done in the evening and you simply lie awake for most of that time anyway. Ok it’s the weekend lets rearrange everything in the house. It all begins brilliantly, you are clearing stuff out the cupboards and drawers, throwing things you do not need, there is stuff everywhere that you are in total control of…..wow, there is a lot of stuff, it is everywhere, what should be done first? This isn’t fun anymore and is never going to get finished!
Now I am aware that for a lot of you I may be slightly exaggerating but I think most of us can relate to at least one part of this. So why does it go so wrong?
It is because you are asking yourself to change very drastically, very quickly. You have spent a lot of time and effort towards becoming inactive and unmotivated to train yet overnight you want to become a fitness fanatic? You have become accustomed to your current eating routine and your body habitually craves the foods you are used to eating. You are in a sleeping pattern that you have set in place for weeks, months or even years. You can’t suddenly become tired just because you lie in bed. Trying to rearrange a whole house full of stuff in one day is a ginormous task and if you lack organisational skills to begin with then it can be very overwhelming. You are setting yourself up to fail by asking too much of yourself. If it was that easy to change then none of us would have any problems.
Work with your mind to change the habits of your body and character, as a team. The only way change can occur and become a new way of living is to team up with your mind and plant and nurture a will power seed. Taking small steps and setting realistic goals is the best way to a new and improved you. For example:
Instead of jumping in to 4 days of exercise a week, start off with 1 or 2 max. Stick to these days and decide to commit to them, do not give up, even if it gets tough. Stick it out. If you can’t manage 2 days then just stick to 1 until it becomes part of your weekly routine, then introduce another day and as the weeks go on, another day.
Instead of changing everything you eat break it down. Decide one small change to start with. A healthier breakfast 5 days of the week, to drink more water each day, to ask yourself if you are actually hungry or just bored before making something to eat. One small manageable change at a time will help implement new eating habits. The rest of your eating should continue as normal and be guilt free. Remember we are only focusing on one small change at a time and that is the only one we observe and HAVE to stick to.
Try going to bed 20 minutes earlier and turn off all electrical devices 30-60 minutes before this. This won’t make such a big change to your routine and you won’t feel like you are missing so much time.
Choose one small area of your house to organise. One drawer a day or every other day. Don’t push to do more. Stick to what you decide to do. Before you know it you will have a nice organised house.
Be kind to yourself and set small, manageable and realistic goals. Most importantly if you decide to do something make a promise to yourself to complete it and NEVER break a promise you have made to yourself. There is no point in beating yourself up about what you are not doing. Focus on little things you can do and then do them. Always remember that a quick fix will be exactly that and will just as quickly be reversible like I said in my last post – ‘Start small, grow tall!’
Task for today:
Ask yourself this: If you spoke about your friends the way you speak about yourself, would you have any friends left?