Follow your heart. If it feels right then it is the right path for you to take, don’t worry about the money, don’t worry about what others think and don’t wait for something better, live now. Don’t miss out on something good because it’s not the way you imagined it, keep your expectations relaxed and your standards high and the world will treat you right!
We all want happiness right? We all want to feel that feeling of pure joy spreading through every fibre of our being.
How do we go about doing it? Some will travel, some will party, some will spend time with family or friends, and some will search every nook and cranny for a little taste of the good stuff.
It might be an interview for a job that you really want, so you turn up and do your very best to impress them.
You may be looking for Prince Charming so you scan every corner of every space you move through, making sure you don’t miss the chance to lock eyes with him. You make sure you appear fun and pretty at all times so he will see how worthy you are.
You may want a large circle of friends that adore you so you go out of your way for them and always agree with what they want to do or what they say, because you are ‘easy going like that’.
But has doing any of those things led to true happiness? I doubt it. What it normally leads to is denial. Denial about how little you value yourself, denial about how little you love yourself and denial about how unworthy you really believe you are. Denial then leads to excuses and before you know it you are in a vicious cycle keeping you securely locked into a false sense of happiness whilst you skate across a cracked frozen lake.
If you are going for a job interview, make sure you interview them too, you are going to be putting your time and effort into this company, you need to make sure it is the right place for you to spend so much time. Let them see who you really are, that should be enough alone for them to hire you. Being what you think someone else wants you to be implies you can read minds, you can’t so give it up!
Love isn’t a game of hide and seek, don’t waste your time searching for it. Instead enjoy time with yourself, enjoy being you, every part of you. If you find that hard then try new ways – speak to a counsellor, walk in the park, hug yourself and tell yourself in the mirror how amazing you are. Stop waiting for a man to save you, Prince Charming will find you when you become a Princess and Princesses don’t need anyone else to tell them that they are royal!
If your friends only adore you when you are people pleasing or acting as their servant then they aren’t your friends. True friends want the best for you and give as much as they receive – maybe in different ways but it is a balance nevertheless.
All this work you put in to convince others you are worth something could be spent on discovering your own worth. Expecting someone else to save you is as beneficial as waiting for a ferry at a bus stop. Put time, money and effort into your self-growth and you will see the things you want so bad are actually manifesting around you naturally.
Happiness comes from within you! Find it inside of you and stop looking for someone to save you because you are the only person who can, how exciting!
Standing strong on our feet pride!
I know right – him again. Well no story would ever be fun without some tales of lowering your standards so much so, that you actually prune the path that lets idiots walk back into your life. So at least I can provide some entertainment.
So I had been out with our banker guy and that had ended pretty badly. I had just gotten home after an extremely long bus journey. I was tired and had been missing The Running Man a little bit. I wasn’t upset though, I had actually found the evening funny. I knew it would always be a good story at the very least and I felt a sense of independence that I was proud of. I had escaped an arsehole and his underground car park and then I had found my way home through the nighttime jungle of drunken party goers.
I had just tucked myself into bed when my work phone went off – It was the Running Man – I had blocked him from contacting me on my personal phone and had forgotten he had my work number too. He sent me several messages trying to get me to talk to him. He saw me go online, read them and then go offline. He didn’t stop messaging so I asked him what he wanted. He tried to apologise and say he missed me. I wasn’t having any of it though and eventually he called me. He was telling me how he had freaked out majorly and hadn’t felt this way about anybody before and he didn’t think he was good enough so he just ran and he felt so awful about it all. He said he opened up to his brother and even he had a go at him for the way he had treated me. He told me how he would be at work miserable, trying to think of things wrong with me so he wouldn’t think about me as much but he couldn’t find anything real enough. Now pride, he might be a schmuck but he isn’t doing too badly with these lines is he? He went on and on for about an hour telling me he just wanted one more chance. So I said to him ‘Running Man, you are giving me a whole bunch of reasons as to how amazing you think I am, however, I am not going to commend you for seeing what is in front of you, I want to know why on earth I should even consider giving you another chance. He went on to tell me he wanted to prove to me that he was good for me and that he could be the man I deserved. I blamed him for my bad date, I told him I had a date lined up on the Sunday too. I told him that I was so angry.
The annoying thing was that I could feel I was going to forgive him. I knew it. I should have not replied to any of those first messages but I had and here I was entertaining this conversation. There was no point in pretending otherwise. Besides, people deserve second chances right?
So we were back to seeing each other. He asked me if I was still planning to go on my Sunday date and I told him if he wanted me to cancel he better arrange something for us to do instead. He did. We had a nice day together and things were good again. I still panicked every time I didn’t hear back from him for a few hours, I was still waiting for things to go wrong and him to disappear, but he didn’t and things were good.
A couple of weeks passed and me and my little sister had decided to get away for a night. A real girly night away just the two of us and then the next night I was going to spend with the man in question. It had turned out to be a pretty bad day, he had to go into work for a pretty stressful meeting and was really worried and my cousin had phoned me to tell me my Uncle was in hospital and wasn’t going to be with us for much longer. The two of us had a nice conversation trying to lift each other’s spirits. I decided to still go away and make the most of our plans.
About an hour after we arrived at the hotel my cousin phoned and told me the sad news that my Uncle had passed away. It was a sad moment. Still I was glad to be with my sister and thankful for the support from our Running Man. I decided to see how his meeting was going and if he was out tell him what had happened.
I couldn’t see him on Whatsapp. I tried calling him, straight to voicemail. I picked up my sister’s phone and called him – ringing. He has done it again. What the hell?? WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL????? IS HE SERIOUS? It was all a bit much to take in the space of 20 minutes so I took a moment to breathe and compose myself. I blocked him on everything. Sent him a very angry message off of my sister’s phone and opened a bottle of wine. He was then spotted later on that evening back on POF, his photo, his details except with a different age and star-sign. Where do these crazies crawl out from? All I knew was that I was done giving him chances. He would never have a space in my head!
That is the thing with second chances. They shouldn’t be given out too easily. Do you think if you cross a Lioness you will get away with it even once? Most certainly not, there wouldn’t even be a second time. Bare this in mind when you are hearing the desperate plea of an undeserving male suitor!
A few more crazies to work through yet pride don’t worry…..!
So after some time to heal and relax and go on a couple of lame dates that aren’t even worth the story I decided it was time to get myself back out there, into the big scary world of dating. I chose the same online dating site I went to last time, the oh so glorious POF. Only this time I chose some normal and natural pictures: A nice one of just me, one of me out having fun, one of me balancing on a car tyre (I had started an exercise class using all car and lorry tyres, besides it was me looking my worst and people need to see me and love me that way) and one of me and a friend. I chose pictures that were plain and simple. I wrote my profile out, I didn’t tell my life story but I summed up who I was shortly and sweetly.
Being a female on these sites means that your are pretty much guaranteed to have messages pouring in. Again a lot of them will be hopeless: ‘Hi’, ‘Hey babe’ ‘I heard there is a party in your pants this weekend and I have a VIP ticket’, you know the usual rubbish you wouldn’t reply too. I had decided that I was going to be a bit fussy and wait to find someone polite, respectful and nice. I have a rule on these sites to never message first. Maybe I am a bit old-fashioned but I think it’s nice for a man to approach a woman, kind of the natural order of things. So I would look through the messages and if someone had bothered to show me they had read my profile or say something nice or funny I would check out their profile.
One guy had sent me a message about my tyre balancing picture. I looked at his profile, it was clear he was in the army and his pictures were all nice and respectable, there were photos of him in his uniform, out with friends, being active – all acceptable images. So we had a bit of conversation about my class and he told me he was a PTI – which basically means he was a personal trainer for the army.
There wasn’t too much excitement through our messages and often I wouldn’t reply simply because there was nothing to reply to but he was polite and did make an effort. Eventually he asked me out for a drink and I accepted, why not, he was nice enough.
He lived quite far away and he suggested we meet somewhere a lot closer to me than to him which I thought was sweet, he found a bar, sent me the website link for it and we arranged a time.
I always get pre date nerves, it’s a feeling I quite enjoy now, those butterflies in your stomach as you fret about the first meet. I found the bar and found parking. I was a little bit early so I waited nervously in my car. I rang him on the way into the bar and he said he was walking in, I looked around and couldn’t see him. I told him I was at the bar and he said he was also at the bar……well why can’t I see him then???? He wasn’t being very helpful on the phone so I asked the barman what road we were on and told him to do the same, there were three of the same bar in close proximity to one another and we had turned up to two different ones. He tried to make a joke that he had sent me the link as if to blame me…..Really? Don’t you think I used that link to get this address??? I followed your instructions! Of course it is my fault!!!! I told him to wait where he was as I knew the area better (my sat nav did anyway) and I would be there soon.
I finally turned up at the right place and he was waiting at the bar for me. He was a good-looking guy and dressed nicely. Ok this could be good. He got us both a drink and we went and sat down. He wasn’t very talkative and seemed a little bit shy so I went straight into rambling mode and fired questions at him. He was a sweet guy, he had some fun stories and his job was quite interesting. He kept going back to my tyre class and giving me suggestions for different exercises I could use in it. ‘Ok, great thanks’ it was really nice of him to help…..he had lots of different ideas ‘Yes I already have that exercise….and that one….and that one…..oh sod it just pretend you have never heard of these exercises before, he clearly doesn’t think you have a clue what you are doing’………..he really wanted to help me with my class……’oh man I have written out this class and been teaching it just fine, I didn’t come here for research’. I think it was down to his nerves that he spoke so much about fitness with me, it was a safety net for him and something we could both relate to but it was boring me to the ground. He was talking to me like I had no idea what I was doing, telling me what I could do rather than actually finding out anything about what I was already doing – if he had then he wouldn’t be suggesting all the ideas I was already using. I wasn’t here doing market research so I was starting to drift off in to my own thoughts.
I couldn’t spend the evening listening to this so I decided to steer the conversation in a new direction (one really effective tool to do this is to ask a man a lot of questions about himself and then seem impressed any chance you get. This is fun for you too as you get to put your acting skills to the test and have some fun) It was easy to seem impressed with this guy’s stories because he had been in the army for a very long time, so all I had to do was ask him about things he had been through and then seem worried or scared by the story followed by a ‘your so brave’ facial expression or response.
Still, after some time even that was boring me, I looked at my watch and figured I could get out of there within 30 minutes without looking rude, he started to tell me about where he was stationed now and that he often gets to meet the royal family and how everyone acts around them (oh no Rach, just keep acting like an impressed female), I was bored and couldn’t be bothered to entertain this boring guy anymore so it was time to be me again “I could never do what you do, I could never act extra polite to someone just because they are ‘royal’, to me everyone is the same, like I am about to curtsey just because someone wears a crown…..” and I went on and on about how no life is more important than another and how no other human can really tell another what to do. He was looking at me with one of two looks:
Look A – Wow this girl is rebellious and fun, I kinda like how crazy she is it’s really impressive, she is bringing my soul to life right now. Thank you God for sending me on this date, please let me be worthy of more time spent basking in her greatness.
Look B – Is this girl for real, my life is spent taking orders and I am disciplined and organised, this girl is a liability and sounds like she could do with a good dose of discipline herself, wow if she was under my order she wouldn’t last 5 minutes, she can’t be serious, get me the hell out of here.
I am going to assume it was Look A, but, considering we didn’t speak again after that evening I am willing to accept that I could possibly be mistaken. I wasn’t upset though, that guy was so boring. Being able to control a conversation so easily doesn’t interest me. Being able to manipulate a situation isn’t fun when it is with a potential partner. We were just completely different people and that was that.
Often it is easy to take it personally when you don’t hear from someone again, we can question why and wonder what is wrong with us. It is so important to remember that what will be will be and what isn’t meant to be, won’t. It is as simple as that. The universe has its own little way of making sure that we have exactly what we need and it takes away what we don’t. Accepting this will save you from a heap of self-doubt and mouse-type thoughts. If someone is meant to be in your life they will, don’t try to force it.
So I definitely need a nap now after remembering that soul sucking evening and then we have to cover our next topic on our dating do’s and don’ts because there are a lot of topics that desperately need covering.
Until next time pride!