STONE COLD

Often I am told that I am quite ruthless with people. That I will cut someone out of my life all too quickly, in particular, men. The reason they say this is because if I suspect something isn’t right I listen to my instinct, I may sit on the thoughts I have for a little while and observe the situation, but I always listen to me. If I am hearing those all too familiar excuses – however they may be dressed, I walk away. If I am made to feel confused about how someone feels about me, I walk away. If someone’s pride is more important than me, I walk away.

The reason for this is quite simple – I have heard it or seen it all before.

Excuses can be dressed up in so many different outfits by so many different people. The guy himself, your friends, even you will excuse someone’s behaviour, however, it is important to remember that these ARE excuses for behaviour that is less than worthy of the person that you are. Excuses are made to justify actions or behaviours that make us feel unhappy. If someone is treating you right you don’t justify it, you accept it exactly the way it is and accept that the person is kind or caring or considerate – whatever it may be. So why is it that when someone is not making the effort or putting you down or acting suspiciously do we then feel the need to pretend that there is a valid reason?

The answer – Fear!

We fear being rejected, lonely, not important enough. We fear so many things that we tolerate all kinds of terrible behaviour that we shouldn’t tolerate.

So why do I walk away? Do I have a heart of stone? Am I a cold person? Am I fearless?

Well in truth none of the above but I have done one thing. I made a promise to myself and I hate breaking promises. I promised myself that I would not let anyone undervalue my worth. If someone doesn’t treat me the way I deserved to be treated and the way that I would treat them, I walk away – simple as that. In some cases I may act in haste and I may have to apologise for acting abruptly but I have never, ever regretted standing up for myself. For only accepting the best. For not letting someone walk over me. For not being treated and respected as the amazing woman I am. Each time I am true to myself and how I feel and I don’t apologise for who I am I feel proud of myself. I feel faith in myself. I trust me to always have my back and that feeling is priceless. The right person will admire and respect you for you, not try to make you feel like you are ‘needy’ or ‘demanding’ or any other controlling and manipulative terms you might have thrown at you. You should be completely in love with yourself and overjoyed at every part of who you are.

I’m not saying that every time someone irritates you or does something wrong then you cut them out of your life for good with not so much as a blink of your eye, I am however saying that you should be able to recognise when someone is not treating you to a standard you deserve. If you treat that person so much better than they treat you then you have to make some decisions. Perhaps have a conversation about it, perhaps write a letter and explain, whatever you do, don’t justify their behaviour. If it doesn’t make you feel good then something is not right.

This is why it is so important to fall in love with ourselves. To love our imperfectly perfect selves entirely. To know that no one determines our worth. We don’t need to apologise for leaving a situation that doesn’t feel right, we don’t need to justify our feelings, we need to trust them. After all, we will still have ourselves and that is the best person you could ever ask to be stuck with!

Only accept the best Pride!

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Be Quiet!

Listen.

Listen, listen, listen.

How often do you take the time to listen to someone else? Do you enjoy talking? Do you enjoy people listening to you? Do you do the same for others?

I mean ask yourself, are you paying attention when someone is talking? Or are you thinking about what to cook for dinner? What homework the kids need to finish? What to wear on the weekend?

People know when you aren’t listening. I mean sure it can be a little obvious if you pick your phone up in the middle of someone talking to check what your friend has tagged you in on facebook, but, even if you are just thinking about something else, people know. They may not always say it, but they know.

For goodness sake listen. Put your phone down for five minutes, take your focus out of your own head and actually listen to the human being who is talking to you. If you don’t want to listen to them then don’t give them your time and let them find someone who will be considerate enough to listen.

If someone I am with is clearly not listening to me when I talk or they pick up their phone, I stop talking. Simple as that. I stop mid-sentence and you wouldn’t believe that so many of those times the other person doesn’t even realise I am no longer talking and when they come back round or put their phone back down they begin talking about themselves, as if I wasn’t in the middle of talking to them in the first place (perhaps I should stop talking about paint drying). These are the people who I no longer waste my efforts talking to about anything important to me because they do not deserve to hear it.

Sometimes your friend, partner or family member will just need you to listen to them, they may not need advice or your opinion but just your ear. So lend it to them. It is important. I am sure you like it when people listen to you.

So challenge for this week: Let’s all shut our mouths a little bit and open our ears and see if we make a difference in someone’s life. It might be just what someone we care about needs.

Listening carefully Pride!

HATE YOURSELF BEAUTIFUL

So there seems to be this worldwide phenomenon, a way of working towards the ideal you. You can reach utter perfection just by following this simple tip. All you have to do is hate yourself perfect. How on earth can I reach the perfect me I hear you ask? Well I will tell you:

  • Feel too fat? Just hate every inch of you that you think is fat!
  • Feel too thin? Just hate all the skinniest parts of you, look at each rib in disgust!
  • Feel too tall? Look at all of those that are shorter than you and put them higher up than you in worth!
  • Feel too pale? Look at yourself in the mirror and point out how disgusting you are
  • Feel you aren’t smart? Easy, envy all those that you think are clever and tell yourself you are stupid!

Does the above work well for an advert? No? There is something wrong with this tactic? Are you telling me you wouldn’t go and see a ‘hate yourself perfect’ life coach????? Well there goes that money-making scheme!

The thing is though, nearly everybody uses this technique in some part of their lives to motivate them to change. Here is the thing though:

YOU CANNOT HATE YOURSELF TO IMPROVE!

This means:

  • You cannot hate yourself healthy
  • You cannot hate yourself happy
  • You cannot hate yourself beautiful
  • You cannot hate yourself to success

For a start each of these goals listed above mean something different to everyone. What you think is beautiful is the complete opposite of beauty to someone else. What you think it means to be healthy is the complete opposite to someone else. What you think it means to be happy is the complete opposite to someone else. What you define as success is the complete opposite to someone else.

Do you see the pattern here?

Truly happy, successful, healthy and beautiful people have certain traits in common:

  • They appreciate themselves
  • They are attracted to themselves
  • They recognise their strengths
  • They acknowledge changes they want to make and enjoy working to change.
  • They don’t compare themselves to others
  • They don’t try to fit in

Hating yourself does one thing – It makes you feel bad. So stop!

Easier said than done right? I mean hating any part of yourself has required work and dedication. It has taken a lot of time and effort. So how can we change this?

We have to start recognising this behaviour as it happens and then we can start to change it. So here is a simple exercise to start doing this. Standing in front of the mirror I want you to look at yourself and say:

I am amazing. I am perfect. I am smart and I am beautiful. I love me.

Now I know that this can be particularly hard to do especially if you don’t believe any of this so if you find it a struggle I want you to imagine you did believe it, imagine how you would feel if you believed all of these. Imagine how you would stand, how you would smile, how you would brush your hair. How you would adjust your clothes. How you would walk past the mirror. Just imagine and then pretend you are that person JUST while you say those statements.

One more exercise I want you to try is one where you can call upon your ILV (Inner Lioness Voice). This one takes a bit more effort in recognising your own thoughts. Every time you hear yourself wishing you were different or putting yourself down I want you to stop and say to yourself

Excuse me, don’t say those things about me, I am wonderful and amazing and shame on you for thinking anything else. Get out of here!

Not only that but I want you to feel annoyed with that other voice, as if it is a person. How dare it try to put you down. That is not a kind thing to do and you won’t stand for it.

Now you are either excited to try this or worried about the amount of voices in my head but just give it a try. Print this out or write down the exercises and just try them. If they don’t work at all then you have lost nothing but you should demand the very best for yourself because you are worth it (sorry Loreal for stealing your tagline).

Admiring your greatness Pride!

THE PERMISSION TO HAVE THE FREEDOM OF SPEECH

You have the right to say whatever you want.  You are free to speak your truth….right? That is in fact what we are told, yes? How many of you actually have the courage to say what you really feel without being judged or ‘told off’ for it?

In the workplace for example, a more senior member of staff holds a meeting and is talking about new ideas to improve the company, he/she gives a spiel about a brand new idea to improve a current system and you feel that it is a bad idea, do you speak up? If you speak up do you feel you will be listened to or is it likely you will be penalised for speaking against them? I am actually referring to a story I was told recently. A friend of mine spoke up and gave her reasons why she didn’t agree that the new idea would make staff feel valued or happy in their job. The senior member of staff then went on to ‘acknowledge’ what she said by saying in a not-so-direct way that they didn’t want people like her in the company. She was left feeling worried that there would be repercussions for her input and that she could get into trouble.

I can almost understand, in a workplace, if you were to get up for example in a meeting and say ‘oy baldy, you are talking an absolute load of crap, this is rubbish’. But to actually be made to feel like you will lose your job for questioning a new idea and considering the effects it would have on the employees of the company is just unacceptable to me.

I work for myself and many people who have worked with me before almost laugh and joke that I am ‘unemployable’. As an employee I can be difficult. Why you ask? Because I cannot keep my mouth shut. Too many companies employ staff that get away with treating other employees badly and most importantly illegally. I was never someone who liked to lose an argument so I would always know my rights. I would speak up for myself and I would always speak up if I witnessed someone else being treated badly. Yes, it can be scary and many people wanted to get me out of the job because they didn’t like me standing up to them. They never succeeded though because I wasn’t just shouting and screaming aimlessly or through anger. I was standing up for what I believed in.

Now I am not suggesting you should all go and shout at your bosses but, I do believe in this world you should never be afraid to say what you feel is right. You should approach it calmly and with reason behind it but you should never be bullied into silence. By anyone. The rude next door neighbour, the friend who always lets you down, the manager that tries to belittle you, the policeman/woman who think they can speak down to you because they have a badge or even the Queen. Nobody is better than you and nobody can actually own your freedom. They can just convince you they do and make it scary to take control of it yourself. So pick your battles wisely and always be true to yourself and stand strong. We all enter this world the same way and we all leave it the same way and we all survive on food and water. That is that. Don’t put anyone on a throne higher up than you.

The same goes with relationships and dating. I have seen and experienced far too many times one person ridiculing the other for their beliefs or preferences. It seems that this tactic of mocking someone is in hopes that they can sway the opinion of the other person to give in to the THEIR way of thinking. Well it is not on. If you want someone to agree with you and do as you say then go and pay for it, there are services that provide that. It’s not real. If someone laughs at you or mocks you for not being ready for something or thinking a certain way, stand true to yourself. Their way of persuasion is not an intelligent one or a correct one. It is an immature way of belittling you and manipulating you to give in. Laugh it off and simply say ‘you don’t have to agree with me but there is no point in trying to push me to feel another way, that is how I feel and that is that.’ You will be amazed at how powerful you feel when you stand up for yourself.

The truth is we do have freedom of speech, no one can stop us talking. They can only scare us or bully us into believing we can’t speak up. You are the one that gives you permission to talk freely. Nobody else. So own it. Know that you are free and entitled to say and think whatever you want. Just choose wisely when, why and what you are saying and always remember words that hurt others don’t define the other person, they define the person saying them.

Speak loud and free Pride!

WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE!

A very good friend of mine recently sent me the following text:

The Lion is the King of the Jungle but even the Lion King retreats in the face of the angry Lioness. Life on earth can be a Jungle but the Lioness in anger can make the most feared opponent step aside so proving that no one is your superior.

What amazing words. How empowering to think that we have access to that power. The Lioness is the commander. When she is confident and self-assured she is the most feared being on earth.

LAAL

(photo from anonymous source – Facebook)

Quote by RK

So many of us feel that we are not worthy of this power but that is absolutely not true. You have to kick those thoughts straight out of your head. If you are not respected as you should be then command more respect. If you are not worshipped as you should be then start worshipping yourself, soon enough you will tolerate only the same from others. Kick out these ‘mouse’ thoughts of negativity. You were not created to be a mouse, otherwise we would enjoy being mice, not use it to describe weak behaviours. You have an inner Lioness, do not cage her.

Did you know that after a Lioness is held in a cage for a long period of time and then released back into the wild she will often pace back and forth in a small amount of space because that is what she was used to living in? How sad to think of a Lioness in a circus cage pacing up and down and then being set free only to pace within invisible walls either side of her. Thankfully in time she breaks this habit as she is no longer confined.

What a great way of looking at the journey of our own inner Lioness suppression. It takes time to free her and even when she is free it takes time for her to accept complete freedom. It is not natural to hold your inner Lioness captive, to hide her from the world, to stop her living free. You owe her the help of living the life she was designed for. Make a start towards that today. Let her voice guide you, not the voice of fear. Take a step, even a small step, one that you might not think is that life changing straight away but that you know will go towards a greater sense of self-worth and courage. Push on those boundaries and make a change, each small hurdle is an achievement so celebrate and be proud of yourself. You can do it!

SILENCE CAN REALLY BE GOLDEN

Have you ever noticed that some people love to talk? Have you ever noticed that for every sentence you speak about yourself the person you talk to replies with a sentence about themselves. That sometimes it turns into – You: ‘I bought the nicest pair of shoes yesterday.’ Friend: ‘I bought a great handbag!’ You: ‘Oh did you where from?’……..HANG ON, WHAT ABOUT YOUR DAM SHOES?????? Sometimes people listen just for the sake of their reply. Well you know what, just listen to them. They obviously want to hear their voice so much, so let them do the talking. You can do the listening. Listening is the part where you get to learn and observe a lot about that person. You can learn about them AND you can learn about yourself. Look for similarities, do you like all of the things you have in common with that person? What kind of person are they really? Who are they in your life? When you have a problem does that person TELL you what is best for you or do they actually try to explain different ways to tackle a problem taking into consideration who YOU are? Some people just need to be heard and they are not the kind of people who can offer you any personal advice or actually listen to you. It is best to let these people speak. Often they raise their voice over yours because they don’t feel like they are listened to in their life, or they want to show you that they too have good or nice things in their life. So listen. They need it at that time obviously. If it continues then maybe it is best to address the issue with them because it is important that they value your words too, but, if it is not 100% necessary at the time just sit back and observe. It is far more educational than you could ever imagine!