Build it your way

There is no ‘right way’ or ‘wrong way’ of doing anything.  There is only the  way it feels right or wrong to you.  There is no higher power saying you must get all A*’s on your school exams or you will be a failure.  There is no higher power saying you must eat with your fork in your left hand or you have no manners and there is no higher power saying you must work for someone else all your life, get married and have children before you are able to relax for 20 years.

There is also no higher power saying that any of the above are wrong.  See where I am going?  Everything we see in society has been created by other humans and we then try to fit in to that way to feel established.  But that isn’t a way of establishing yourself, that is a way of establishing someone else’s influence or idea of ‘right’.

Now I am going to give you some advice but please, feel free to dismiss it, because again, it might not be right for you:

DO WHATEVER YOU FEEL TO DO

Follow your heart, follow your dreams.  Don’t let anyone tell you that it can’t be done.  Anything can be done.  There is no rule book.  There is no set way of doing things.  The only real thing we do know is that:

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

Apply yourself freely to what you love and you shall reap reward.

Be kind to others and you will create a kinder world.

Love conquers all.

There is no such thing as failure, only a chance to learn.

All of these things need to be remembered.  You do not have to be earning a certain amount by a certain age to be deemed successful.

You do not have to have a 9-5 job to be taken seriously.

You do not have to meet someone and settle down to be considered loveable

You do not have to love women, or men, or both or for that matter, neither.  You should love who you  love (I must question the woman who fell in love with a tree though, but hey, each to their own).

You can create any life you want and by never forgetting that you are a living example to others and you will help them live a free life true to themselves.  Fear is the only thing stopping us so let’s be brave and be everything we want to be.  We are all headed out of this life the same way, don’t spend it following the herd!

Here’s to living Pride!

Uncontrollably in control

Society today can be tough right? We are told how to look, think and act and then we are told to ‘just be ourselves’. Wow, sure, ok.

Then we have people. People love helping other people. Advising them. Telling them what to do and how to behave. I’ve already covered the topic of people advising you based on who THEY are rather than who YOU are. Most people want to fit in to society – and then believe they are different from anyone else. Which ironically they are when they stop trying to be like everybody else.

And finally we have fear. Fear is painted as a person shaking and looking terrified. But fear, like the devil, wears many disguises. It is the cause of people wanting to fit in and look perfect and not be singled out. It is the cause of those advising you to keep quiet and put your head down and not upset anybody. It is the quiet voice in your head that says ‘you can’t do it’, ‘you look stupid’, ‘don’t cause a problem’.

Some of us are aware of the ‘truth about fear’ and some of us are not. Some will come out and say ‘I am far too shy for that’ ‘I can’t stand everyone looking at me’ ‘I am just not brave enough’. Some lather themselves with excuses and stories to avoid people questioning them or so that they can avoid speaking their truth or just to feel better in themselves.

I haven’t always been one to face fear. In fact I used to be the Queen of excuses. I was living in a ‘woe is me’ world drowning in my victim river. I haven’t always been able to be truthful and express my feelings without trying to belittle others or feeling the need to put them down and have the last word.

Why did I do this? Because I didn’t like who I was. Because I didn’t feel good enough to be listened to. Because I didn’t have the courage to say how I felt. Because I would feel stupid or silly for feeling the way I did. Because I valued myself based on other people’s opinions. And a whole list of other reasons, none of which benefited my life.

However that was a long time ago and mixed with a whole load of other problems that I had to face on my journey of becoming a Lioness. I have learnt the reasons behind all of those and in turn, studied others. Watching people convince themselves of their place in today’s society. Watching people excuse the things they are unhappy with and play victim to win sympathy off of others and it is quite fascinating.

I believe very strongly in being true to yourself. True to your creative side. True to your feelings. True to your likes and your dislikes. True to your own worth. And I believe something else:

Bollocks to anyone who doesn’t like the authentic version of you.

The most interesting part of my journey is most definitely the other people around me. Since I am no longer influenced by other people’s opinions of me or the need to ‘fit in’ anywhere, people see me as a potential problem, I know right? Little old me! Well the reason is that I will not people please or hide from how I feel. I will not try to ‘fit in’ for the sake of other’s opinions. I will not act according to anything other than the way I believe. For example:

I am happy to speak to a man sleeping on the street and bring him a hot drink or something to eat – people often fear those that they do not understand and often worry about their own or my safety when I talk to someone homeless.

I am happy to offer help to a stranger and do not fear rejection – If someone looks like they could use a hand I will lend it, if they say no (for whatever reason) that is fine too. At least I offered, this is often embarrassing to other people, they feel silly for trying and fear what others around them are then thinking.

I am not affected by someone disliking me – Other people’s opinion of me is none of my business. If they wish to tell me what they dislike or cast judgement that is fine by me. I know who I am. I know my intentions in this world and I also know that their opinion is not a reflection of who I am in this world but rather, who they are. It is a compliment to be thought of enough to be disliked.

I am not able to be controlled, muzzled or put off of speaking my mind – I won’t be told who I can or cannot speak to or confront. If I feel the need to confront somebody when they have upset me I will. I don’t believe in putting someone down or trying to scare anybody at all but I do believe my feelings are important and I should be able to express them without being made to feel like I am causing a problem. I will always consider how it may make someone feel and use my words carefully. I will always try to express hurt or anger after I have calmed down and I will aways take responsibility for my own feelings. If someone is afraid of confrontation that is THEIR problem. I will not stay silent just to keep the peace – silence isn’t truth. There are no rules on how to deal with a negative situation but it is my personal belief that you have to be true to yourself and speak the truth to others. I won’t look you in the eye and smile whilst secretly seething inside. It is not me. I will not be told what I can and cannot say or to whom. I will also have the intention of making peace with someone and clearing the air.

I won’t change who I am for anybody. If someone doesn’t like me or accept me then my suggestion is to not be around me. To leave me be. If you feel embarrassed or awkward or uncomfortable with any of the ways in which I live my life then I won’t be offended if you step away. I do not wish for you to do anything you don’t believe in either.

Why should we be anybody but ourselves or made to feel like we have to change who we are in certain situations? We are human. We are each imperfectly perfect. We do great things and we make mistakes. We have good days and bad days. We have beautiful days and not so beautiful days. Why are we so ashamed of being ourselves? Of excusing those around us? We are not responsible for anybody but ourselves so why would anyone try to justify anybody elses truth? Why should you tell someone how they can or can’t act because YOU are scared of what the other person might think.

Be you

Be every part of you

Do right. Be right.

Do wrong. Be wrong.

Learn

Grow

Be brave

Be shy

Be beautiful inside.

Be anything you want to be. Be everything you want to be. Don’t be sorry for being you. Be sorry when you feel sorry but don’t be sorry for being you. Don’t let anyone make you feel you should be. Let the world know you will always be you and you won’t be controlled by anybody. Let them fear that, it’s not your problem and none of your business.

In the words of Lesley Gore – ‘You don’t own me, don’t try to change me in any way’!

100% Lioness 0% Mouse

Here’s to YOU Pride.

Take responsibility!

So often us women tear down men for the way we are treated:

“He doesn’t make enough effort with me”.

“He doesn’t message me enough”.

“He never calls me on the phone”.

“Why hasn’t he asked me out yet”.

“Why does he always put his friends first”.

“Why doesn’t he dress smart when we go out”.

“If he just changed a little bit he would be perfect”.

And so on…..

But the thing is girls, you are the ones accepting this behaviour and by doing so deeming it acceptable. You hold these high standards but yet you are not making anyone actually meet them. Instead you accept this shoddy behaviour and expect the man to raise the ‘standard’ bar himself. Well, he is not going to do that.

If you don’t like how you are being treated then DON’T PUT UP WITH IT. Address the issue with him perhaps once and if it continues – walk away. You will soon see if he is willing to meet your standards and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. If he isn’t willing to do that then why on earth would you even want him around? Stop digging your claws into deadweight guys and start living your life the way you want it to be and do it for you. You deserve it. It’s not about being demanding or high maintenance, it’s about only accepting the best in life which I am sure is what you are offering a partner in return.

You don’t need the wrong man you need the right one and the only way you will ever meet him is if you cut away all the men who are far from good enough for you. have some self-respect and treat yourself by the same standards you want someone else to treat you. You can survive a little bit of heartbreak, disappointment and insecurity whilst you forget about the latest deadbeat. To live a life being treated like you are not a Queen just so you don’t run the risk of living alone for a small while IS NOT living. It is clinging.

Demand more for yourself through your actions. You don’t need to give someone a list of rules or tell them off for what they aren’t doing. Just know that you will not stay for something that isn’t worth it and prove it – by leaving situations that are bad for you.

Stronger than ever before Pride!

The Degree of Life.

How often does someone know what is best for you?

– You should leave him

– You shouldn’t quit your job

– You will never make it to Hollywood

How often do they tell you how things should be done?

– You should find a nice man who is older and knows what he wants

– You should find a job that pays well and offers good incentives

– Life is not a movie, dreaming is fun but it wont’ get you anywhere

Society itself tells us how things must be done:

– You must go to school

– If you do not have an education you will never be anything

– Life is hard

– You should get a job, get married and have children

– You need to pay your bills in time or you will have bad credit

Even science:

– The world is flat

– The world is round

– Stay away from foods high in fat

– Fat is good for you sugar is the problem

– Pluto is a planet

– Pluto is only a dwarf planet

My point? Not one person I know has received their Degree of Life. Not one person has completed one life, left it, come back for another and remembered the full process of what happened when they died and how they got back here (see how I cover those who remember past lives here too – I know, I’m good right!)

This means not one person can know with absolute certainty what is right and what is wrong. What we are really here for. What we are meant to be doing. What is the right path for us to walk.

There is only one way of knowing if what you are doing is right and that is to listen to your gut instinct. Feel it in yourself. You know deep down whether something is right for you or wrong for you and you must learn to trust yourself. Sometimes you might be destined to make a mistake so that you learn a valuable lesson and if that is the case, the people around you should support you not tell you ‘I told you so’. They don’t know what is right for you so they cannot tell you. Them feeling victorious that they were right over you about YOUR life shows that they have a lot missing from their own life.

This world is big, it’s huge and fascinating and full of any possibility you can ever imagine. Society encourages us to be part of a flock of sheep, that way we are easier to herd. Be whoever it is you feel you are, be the person that is true to you. If things don’t work out, guess what, you can start from scratch again. A friend of mine wrote a great post the other day and at the end of it he said:

‘I’d rather be at the bottom of my ladder than at the top of someone else’s’

I loved this. This life is YOUR ladder. YOUR mountain, so climb it and don’t apologise to anyone for being true to yourself. There is no right way of living, only a way of living that is true to you. Nearly every great mind was once thought of as crazy, but they carried on doing their thing and ignored the people who hated on them, judged them and laughed at them, and what happened? We remember them and praise them and quote them to this day.

We are all heading off of this planet the same way so let’s try to do everything we can do, for ourselves and for others, before we leave.

Be everything you ever dreamed of Pride!

No matter what!

I came across this fantastic photo earlier, such simple and wise words!

No matter what is thrown your way you can beat it. Nothing and no one can touch your soul, break your spirit or control your mind unless YOU let it. You have complete control over these, remember that, always!

Live fiercely pride!

IMG_1170

(photo from anonymous source – Facebook)

A little bit of crazy!

So I actually had some fun this week helping some of with you with your profiles, some really great ‘about me’s’ coming together and some really funny reads. Most importantly you are sounding like Lionesses. Keep them coming!

So on to our next disaster. As I do on occasion I decided to disappear for a month and go and see Thailand and Bali with a friend. The week before I left I started talking to a particularly nice looking guy who was a personal trainer (normally I keep away from PT’s having worked as one myself but this one was very pretty). He was polite and charming and asked if we could meet up the following week. I told him I was away for a month and he asked if we could keep in touch while I was away which was sweet.

Whilst I was away he would send me the occasional message asking how I was getting on and asking for some pictures of the landscapes. This was a nice request because it was something he was interested in and enjoyed seeing, he was taking an interest in my trip and he wasn’t asking me to send a load of pics of myself – which would have completely put me off of him.

I didn’t overhear from him either which was just as well because I was living in paradise but he was in contact enough so I looked forward to a message from him. I had something nice to look forward to going back home.

When I got home he didn’t waste any time arranging a day for us to go and have a drink. We met up and managed to park next to each other. He was even better looking in real life and greeted me with a hug. We walked into the bar and he got us a drink and we sat down. He didn’t once take his coat off which was a bit strange but it was winter.

The conversation just flowed which was nice, he actually had depth and substance and asked a lot of questions. We were laughing and talking so much that before we knew it the place was closing. We walked back to our cars and he hugged me goodbye – most importantly he didn’t try to kiss me on the first date! He messaged me later on saying he had a nice time and we arranged to meet again at the weekend. Amazing, a date that actually went well!

That weekend he messaged me to tell me he wouldn’t know for sure if he was free because his Uncle was in hospital and being moved to a hospital further away, he didn’t know what time he would be back and asked to let me know. We didn’t meet up. He messaged me to rearrange. You can never question a hospital visit – even if they give you that suspicious feeling you just have to accept it, but it was giving me a suspicious feeling.

So we came to the next day we were supposed to meet up. I didn’t hear anything from him. Nothing. Irritated, I messaged him nearer the time – something a woman should NOT have to do. I heard nothing. So I made other plans and went to see a friend. It was so strange, he didn’t contact me or reply, had he just lost interest?

The next day I received a message ‘so I had the worst day yesterday’. ‘Great do I care?’ Is what I should have said but I was unfortunately alot nicer at the time so I asked what happened and he called me. He explained how there was a load of stuff that happened at work and that he was trying to be pushed out of the gym and people were blaming him for stuff that he didn’t do and his manager was trying to set him up and he was just so angry after it all and bla bla bla bla bla bla bla! I AM SORRY, YOU WERE JUST SO ANGRY YOU FORGOT ABOUT ME????? I was not impressed at all. After him going on and on about his ‘woe is me’ story he said ‘I need to make it up to you, what happened wasn’t cool, are you free tomorrow night so we can meet up?’ I reluctantly agreed (idiot) and said I would give him one more chance (idiot again). We set a time and place to meet.

So the next day came and again I hadn’t heard from him, so I messaged him to confirm. He said could we make it an hour later he needed to get in the bath he was so tired he had slept. WHAT???? I said to him if he was so tired we could always give it a miss. He responded by telling me that it would probably be best as he was so angry from more issues at work he felt like he just wanted to punch and smash things up……! I instantly pictured our wedding and a life of happiness with this man……..or rather I rolled my eyes with boredom – what on earth? You just want to punch and smash things up? Do you expect sympathy? I never spoke to him again. I actually judge myself for giving him a second chance and wish I could say it was the last time I tolerated such poor behaviour from a male, thankfully for you guys it isn’t so there are still some very ridiculous stories to tell you.

One thing I have learnt ladies, is that when a man is truly interested in you he will make the effort and do everything he can not to let you down. If you find yourself hearing excuses and being messed around just cut him loose. You are better than that and deserve more. He should be trying to impress you and show you how valuable you are. If he isn’t then he isn’t invested and you are setting yourself up for misery. Always remember – when the heart wants something it finds a thousand ways, when it doesn’t it finds a thousand excuses’. That is the most truthful thing I have learnt.

Another extremely valuable lesson I have learnt and will at some point go into greater detail about is to always trust your instinct. Our intuition is there for a reason. Listen to it and let it guide you. Don’t give away too much too soon, time will tell you everything you need to know but never ignore your instincts. They are there for a reason and are never wrong – paranoia can be wrong but your instincts – never!

1234……1,2…….3,4!

So after some time to heal and relax and go on a couple of lame dates that aren’t even worth the story I decided it was time to get myself back out there, into the big scary world of dating. I chose the same online dating site I went to last time, the oh so glorious POF. Only this time I chose some normal and natural pictures:  A nice one of just me, one of me out having fun, one of me balancing on a car tyre (I had started an exercise class using all car and lorry tyres, besides it was me looking my worst and people need to see me and love me that way) and one of me and a friend. I chose pictures that were plain and simple. I wrote my profile out, I didn’t tell my life story but I summed up who I was shortly and sweetly.

Being a female on these sites means that your are pretty much guaranteed to have messages pouring in. Again a lot of them will be hopeless: ‘Hi’, ‘Hey babe’ ‘I heard there is a party in your pants this weekend and I have a VIP ticket’, you know the usual rubbish you wouldn’t reply too. I had decided that I was going to be a bit fussy and wait to find someone polite, respectful and nice. I have a rule on these sites to never message first. Maybe I am a bit old-fashioned but I think it’s nice for a man to approach a woman, kind of the natural order of things. So I would look through the messages and if someone had bothered to show me they had read my profile or say something nice or funny I would check out their profile.

One guy had sent me a message about my tyre balancing picture. I looked at his profile, it was clear he was in the army and his pictures were all nice and respectable, there were photos of him in his uniform, out with friends, being active – all acceptable images. So we had a bit of conversation about my class and he told me he was a PTI – which basically means he was a personal trainer for the army.

There wasn’t too much excitement through our messages and often I wouldn’t reply simply because there was nothing to reply to but he was polite and did make an effort. Eventually he asked me out for a drink and I accepted, why not, he was nice enough.

He lived quite far away and he suggested we meet somewhere a lot closer to me than to him which I thought was sweet, he found a bar, sent me the website link for it and we arranged a time.

I always get pre date nerves, it’s a feeling I quite enjoy now, those butterflies in your stomach as you fret about the first meet. I found the bar and found parking. I was a little bit early so I waited nervously in my car. I rang him on the way into the bar and he said he was walking in, I looked around and couldn’t see him. I told him I was at the bar and he said he was also at the bar……well why can’t I see him then???? He wasn’t being very helpful on the phone so I asked the barman what road we were on and told him to do the same, there were three of the same bar in close proximity to one another and we had turned up to two different ones. He tried to make a joke that he had sent me the link as if to blame me…..Really? Don’t you think I used that link to get this address??? I followed your instructions! Of course it is my fault!!!! I told him to wait where he was as I knew the area better (my sat nav did anyway) and I would be there soon.

I finally turned up at the right place and he was waiting at the bar for me. He was a good-looking guy and dressed nicely. Ok this could be good. He got us both a drink and we went and sat down. He wasn’t very talkative and seemed a little bit shy so I went straight into rambling mode and fired questions at him. He was a sweet guy, he had some fun stories and his job was quite interesting. He kept going back to my tyre class and giving me suggestions for different exercises I could use in it. ‘Ok, great thanks’ it was really nice of him to help…..he had lots of different ideas ‘Yes I already have that exercise….and that one….and that one…..oh sod it just pretend you have never heard of these exercises before, he clearly doesn’t think you have a clue what you are doing’………..he really wanted to help me with my class……’oh man I have written out this class and been teaching it just fine, I didn’t come here for research’. I think it was down to his nerves that he spoke so much about fitness with me, it was a safety net for him and something we could both relate to but it was boring me to the ground. He was talking to me like I had no idea what I was doing, telling me what I could do rather than actually finding out anything about what I was already doing – if he had then he wouldn’t be suggesting all the ideas I was already using. I wasn’t here doing market research so I was starting to drift off in to my own thoughts.

 

I couldn’t spend the evening listening to this so I decided to steer the conversation in a new direction (one really effective tool to do this is to ask a man a lot of questions about himself and then seem impressed any chance you get. This is fun for you too as you get to put your acting skills to the test and have some fun) It was easy to seem impressed with this guy’s stories because he had been in the army for a very long time, so all I had to do was ask him about things he had been through and then seem worried or scared by the story followed by a ‘your so brave’ facial expression or response.

Still, after some time even that was boring me, I looked at my watch and figured I could get out of there within 30 minutes without looking rude, he started to tell me about where he was stationed now and that he often gets to meet the royal family and how everyone acts around them (oh no Rach, just keep acting like an impressed female), I was bored and couldn’t be bothered to entertain this boring guy anymore so it was time to be me again “I could never do what you do, I could never act extra polite to someone just because they are ‘royal’, to me everyone is the same, like I am about to curtsey just because someone wears a crown…..” and I went on and on about how no life is more important than another and how no other human can really tell another what to do. He was looking at me with one of two looks:

Look A – Wow this girl is rebellious and fun, I kinda like how crazy she is it’s really impressive, she is bringing my soul to life right now. Thank you God for sending me on this date, please let me be worthy of more time spent basking in her greatness.

OR

Look B – Is this girl for real, my life is spent taking orders and I am disciplined and organised, this girl is a liability and sounds like she could do with a good dose of discipline herself, wow if she was under my order she wouldn’t last 5 minutes, she can’t be serious, get me the hell out of here.

I am going to assume it was Look A, but, considering we didn’t speak again after that evening I am willing to accept that I could possibly be mistaken. I wasn’t upset though, that guy was so boring. Being able to control a conversation so easily doesn’t interest me. Being able to manipulate a situation isn’t fun when it is with a potential partner. We were just completely different people and that was that.

Often it is easy to take it personally when you don’t hear from someone again, we can question why and wonder what is wrong with us. It is so important to remember that what will be will be and what isn’t meant to be, won’t. It is as simple as that. The universe has its own little way of making sure that we have exactly what we need and it takes away what we don’t. Accepting this will save you from a heap of self-doubt and mouse-type thoughts. If someone is meant to be in your life they will, don’t try to force it.

So I definitely need a nap now after remembering that soul sucking evening and then we have to cover our next topic on our dating do’s and don’ts because there are a lot of topics that desperately need covering.

Until next time pride!

The first, first date!

Being in a relationship for such a long time meant that I knew nothing about single life as an adult. I had been with one person for a very long time and I thought that is how all relationships were. The problem with this was that I believed that men didn’t prioritize women, found them a nuisance or a nag, didn’t really care about them, didn’t want to be seen out with them once they had gotten them and didn’t listen or support them, among MANY other damaging beliefs that we will save for later. It is very safe to say I was in a very unhealthy relationship and it had left its mark. I found myself as a 25-year-old woman feeling like a teenager, completely clueless.

So after finishing a long-term prison sentence – also known as the 9-year relationship I was in and my best friend declaring he had feelings for me and me running for the hills in fear, my friend suggested I join an online dating site. I was very unsure, I wasn’t up for meeting crazies that were going to try to lure me back to weird sex caves and wear my face as a mask thanks. She assured me that it was quite common for people to meet through online dating and that she herself had used one and it was a good way of talking to people. She suggested I use it purely as an ego boost ‘put up a pretty picture and just watch the messages come flooding in, it will make you feel good about yourself’. Well I do like being adored I guess…..so I decided it couldn’t hurt, and besides, I didn’t have to actually meet anybody.

I put up a nice picture and barely wrote anything about myself. The messages came flooding in. I mean tons of them. Most were boring messages such as ‘hi’ or ‘hey babe how are you’ (you will hear plenty more on why I dismiss these kinds of messages on online dating sites later). Some messages were more inventive and would have a funny joke or a cheesy chat up line. Some were just vile. I think the most shocking message I received was (if you are particular sensitive to crude or vulgar suggestions please look away for the next sentence, also if you are under the age of 18 perhaps it’s best you too skip the next sentence) ‘fancy a rim job from an experienced tongue?’. Well, just in case for any reason you are wondering whether or not I replied….I am happy to tell you I did not. I wonder if he gets many responses ‘yes please that would be great’.  Anyway, the site was working wonderfully as an ego boost. One guy sent me a message and I had a peek at his profile, my jaw dropped – wow, he had a great modelling picture as his main photo and the other couple of pictures were not too shabby. I probably should have considered that any of the men messaging me had only seen one very flattering picture of mine from a photo shoot and they had not read one bit of information about me so therefore could only be interested in a complete fantasy in their head, but no, I forgot to consider that and decided to message back in hopes that I had found Prince Charming straight away. We talked for a bit via message and he rang me a couple of times. He seemed nice enough, I was working in a gym at the time and he was big into fitness and martial arts so we had things in common. He asked me out for a drink and we arranged to meet not too far away from where I lived.

This was going to be my first real date. My first date! I put on a face full of make up and did my hair and dressed up – smart, sexy but casual – I think I must have looked more like a very good-looking drag queen because at the time make up was my very close intimate friend so I was well acquainted with it. I was so nervous and excited. I was more excited to be able to say I was going on a date than actually meeting this guy.

I arrived and he was there, he was ok looking. He bought us both a drink and we sat down. I had no idea what you were supposed to do or talk about on a date so I went into my ‘I’m nervous so I am just going to talk talk talk’ mode and the conversation was flowing. Most of the time I was so happy that I was on a real date I forgot to listen to what he was actually saying and the rest of the time what he was saying was giving me a secret roll of the eyes because he said eevvveerrryytthiinnng iiiinnn thiiiiiisss slooowww ‘I’mmmm juuusssttt sooooo atttt onnneee wiiitth thhheee wooorrrlllddd’ voice. This guy frickin loved himself. Too much. Everything he said sounded structured, planned, not authentic! At one point I noticed he was wearing a very smart watch so I complimented him on it, he came out with this story about buying and selling watches before arrogantly smiling and saying ‘yeeessss, I liiiiikkee toooo thiiiinkkk offff iiiiiit aaaaaassss a tiiiimmeeelleeeesss piiiieeeecccceeee’ and then he laughed at the irony of what he had just said. Oh god just shut up, just say thanks for the compliment, it is taking you forever to say anything. Why don’t you just sit on a throne and arrogantly smile at all your minions below who live to serve you!  He then went on to tell me how he is moving to Israel in a couple of months – hang on, you didn’t mention this the entire time we have been speaking….it started to register, he is on a hook up.  Well, I am not interested one little bit. I painfully listened to him talk on for a while longer, slumped into the couch we were sitting on as if he was sitting at home – probably because everything on this earth is his right to own as King. When we left – finally – I very politely thanked him for a nice evening and kissed him on the cheek, I could tell he had just registered I was heading straight to my car and he didn’t look at all happy, I didn’t care, I had been on a date – a real date! I didn’t hear from him again and I wasn’t surprised.

The problem was that I had a) no experience in the dating world and b) no experience enjoying life on my own. This meant that I gave someone credit for simply showing an interest in me (something I hadn’t been used to for a very long time).  Had I had any sense I would have known what he was all about from the beginning but I had fun and it was nice to be out with someone who wasn’t treating me like one of the boys. Besides he was just a tiny bit of preparation for many a disaster to come and at least he didn’t push me into the arms of my best friend who had declared his love for me and then left me heartbroken……….to then go on date number one with Mr complete and utter disaster (part 1)……………………………………………(oh wait, that is exactly what happened)…