Keep to your word

How many times have you said one of the following:

  • I am going to eat healthy
  • I am going to exercise today
  • I am going to stop smoking
  • I am going to clear out this room in the house
  • I am going to chase my dreams tomorrow

How many times have you found a reason not to stick to the thing you have promised yourself?

How many times is it for one of the following reasons:

  • I’m too busy
  • I’m too tired
  • I can just do it tomorrow
  • I had to help one of my friends
  • I need to wait until I’m in the right frame of mind
  • It won’t make a difference
  • I don’t really want to change

You are the only person that can control your world and each time you make an excuse as to why you aren’t going to do something that YOU want to do you are holding yourself back. There is a simple way to fix this and the formula is below:

Decide to do something – Do It – If it feels hard – Still do it – If you feel tired – Just do it anyway – I you feel like giving up – Don’t.

You have to stand strong. Imagine you are telling off a child who is about to draw on the wall the conversation might go something like this:

you: Don’t you even think about drawing on that wall.

Child: (Goes to draw on wall).

You: I’m warning you, don’t draw on that wall.

Child: (Looks at wall thinking about what to do).

You: If you draw on that wall you won’t be allowed any treats.

Child: (Still goes to draw on wall)

You: (Take crayons off of child and send them to the naughty step).

Imagine the child is the part of your mind trying to give in to the easy option, the one saying ‘it can all start tomorrow, don’t worry about today’. You have to activate your ‘parent’ voice. Don’t let that child draw on the wall – Don’t let yourself de-commit to your self promises. You won’t gain ANYTHING from doing so. But you will gain SO much from standing strong and doing the things that you say you are going to do. It will start to become a habit that you are motivated and you will find it easier and easier to stick to your goals.

Be that person. Just be it. No saying ‘yeh but’, no lame excuses, no dramatic reasons why you can’t. Just. Do. It.

Separating the winners, Pride, oh won’t you climb with me!

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I promise you that.

(photo from anonymous source – Facebook)

You are a diamond.  The most beautiful and valuable stone in the world.  You have to truly know this because it is the truth.

If someone does not see your value then get rid of them, someone else will definitely see it.

Nobody can break you or destroy your soul unless you let them, unless you give them ownership of the diamond that you are.  You are the strongest there is.  The most beautiful there is.  The most desired there is.  But, until you see it, it will mean nothing.

You are a diamond dear, they can’t break you and they can’t get better than you.

Shining brightly Pride!

A little bit of crazy!

So I actually had some fun this week helping some of with you with your profiles, some really great ‘about me’s’ coming together and some really funny reads. Most importantly you are sounding like Lionesses. Keep them coming!

So on to our next disaster. As I do on occasion I decided to disappear for a month and go and see Thailand and Bali with a friend. The week before I left I started talking to a particularly nice looking guy who was a personal trainer (normally I keep away from PT’s having worked as one myself but this one was very pretty). He was polite and charming and asked if we could meet up the following week. I told him I was away for a month and he asked if we could keep in touch while I was away which was sweet.

Whilst I was away he would send me the occasional message asking how I was getting on and asking for some pictures of the landscapes. This was a nice request because it was something he was interested in and enjoyed seeing, he was taking an interest in my trip and he wasn’t asking me to send a load of pics of myself – which would have completely put me off of him.

I didn’t overhear from him either which was just as well because I was living in paradise but he was in contact enough so I looked forward to a message from him. I had something nice to look forward to going back home.

When I got home he didn’t waste any time arranging a day for us to go and have a drink. We met up and managed to park next to each other. He was even better looking in real life and greeted me with a hug. We walked into the bar and he got us a drink and we sat down. He didn’t once take his coat off which was a bit strange but it was winter.

The conversation just flowed which was nice, he actually had depth and substance and asked a lot of questions. We were laughing and talking so much that before we knew it the place was closing. We walked back to our cars and he hugged me goodbye – most importantly he didn’t try to kiss me on the first date! He messaged me later on saying he had a nice time and we arranged to meet again at the weekend. Amazing, a date that actually went well!

That weekend he messaged me to tell me he wouldn’t know for sure if he was free because his Uncle was in hospital and being moved to a hospital further away, he didn’t know what time he would be back and asked to let me know. We didn’t meet up. He messaged me to rearrange. You can never question a hospital visit – even if they give you that suspicious feeling you just have to accept it, but it was giving me a suspicious feeling.

So we came to the next day we were supposed to meet up. I didn’t hear anything from him. Nothing. Irritated, I messaged him nearer the time – something a woman should NOT have to do. I heard nothing. So I made other plans and went to see a friend. It was so strange, he didn’t contact me or reply, had he just lost interest?

The next day I received a message ‘so I had the worst day yesterday’. ‘Great do I care?’ Is what I should have said but I was unfortunately alot nicer at the time so I asked what happened and he called me. He explained how there was a load of stuff that happened at work and that he was trying to be pushed out of the gym and people were blaming him for stuff that he didn’t do and his manager was trying to set him up and he was just so angry after it all and bla bla bla bla bla bla bla! I AM SORRY, YOU WERE JUST SO ANGRY YOU FORGOT ABOUT ME????? I was not impressed at all. After him going on and on about his ‘woe is me’ story he said ‘I need to make it up to you, what happened wasn’t cool, are you free tomorrow night so we can meet up?’ I reluctantly agreed (idiot) and said I would give him one more chance (idiot again). We set a time and place to meet.

So the next day came and again I hadn’t heard from him, so I messaged him to confirm. He said could we make it an hour later he needed to get in the bath he was so tired he had slept. WHAT???? I said to him if he was so tired we could always give it a miss. He responded by telling me that it would probably be best as he was so angry from more issues at work he felt like he just wanted to punch and smash things up……! I instantly pictured our wedding and a life of happiness with this man……..or rather I rolled my eyes with boredom – what on earth? You just want to punch and smash things up? Do you expect sympathy? I never spoke to him again. I actually judge myself for giving him a second chance and wish I could say it was the last time I tolerated such poor behaviour from a male, thankfully for you guys it isn’t so there are still some very ridiculous stories to tell you.

One thing I have learnt ladies, is that when a man is truly interested in you he will make the effort and do everything he can not to let you down. If you find yourself hearing excuses and being messed around just cut him loose. You are better than that and deserve more. He should be trying to impress you and show you how valuable you are. If he isn’t then he isn’t invested and you are setting yourself up for misery. Always remember – when the heart wants something it finds a thousand ways, when it doesn’t it finds a thousand excuses’. That is the most truthful thing I have learnt.

Another extremely valuable lesson I have learnt and will at some point go into greater detail about is to always trust your instinct. Our intuition is there for a reason. Listen to it and let it guide you. Don’t give away too much too soon, time will tell you everything you need to know but never ignore your instincts. They are there for a reason and are never wrong – paranoia can be wrong but your instincts – never!

Choose wisely!

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(photo from anonymous source – Facebook)

I came across this and it is so true! What you think about you bring about, everything that occurs in this world is determined as good or bad only by our perception of it. Makes you think doesn’t it?

The first, first date!

Being in a relationship for such a long time meant that I knew nothing about single life as an adult. I had been with one person for a very long time and I thought that is how all relationships were. The problem with this was that I believed that men didn’t prioritize women, found them a nuisance or a nag, didn’t really care about them, didn’t want to be seen out with them once they had gotten them and didn’t listen or support them, among MANY other damaging beliefs that we will save for later. It is very safe to say I was in a very unhealthy relationship and it had left its mark. I found myself as a 25-year-old woman feeling like a teenager, completely clueless.

So after finishing a long-term prison sentence – also known as the 9-year relationship I was in and my best friend declaring he had feelings for me and me running for the hills in fear, my friend suggested I join an online dating site. I was very unsure, I wasn’t up for meeting crazies that were going to try to lure me back to weird sex caves and wear my face as a mask thanks. She assured me that it was quite common for people to meet through online dating and that she herself had used one and it was a good way of talking to people. She suggested I use it purely as an ego boost ‘put up a pretty picture and just watch the messages come flooding in, it will make you feel good about yourself’. Well I do like being adored I guess…..so I decided it couldn’t hurt, and besides, I didn’t have to actually meet anybody.

I put up a nice picture and barely wrote anything about myself. The messages came flooding in. I mean tons of them. Most were boring messages such as ‘hi’ or ‘hey babe how are you’ (you will hear plenty more on why I dismiss these kinds of messages on online dating sites later). Some messages were more inventive and would have a funny joke or a cheesy chat up line. Some were just vile. I think the most shocking message I received was (if you are particular sensitive to crude or vulgar suggestions please look away for the next sentence, also if you are under the age of 18 perhaps it’s best you too skip the next sentence) ‘fancy a rim job from an experienced tongue?’. Well, just in case for any reason you are wondering whether or not I replied….I am happy to tell you I did not. I wonder if he gets many responses ‘yes please that would be great’.  Anyway, the site was working wonderfully as an ego boost. One guy sent me a message and I had a peek at his profile, my jaw dropped – wow, he had a great modelling picture as his main photo and the other couple of pictures were not too shabby. I probably should have considered that any of the men messaging me had only seen one very flattering picture of mine from a photo shoot and they had not read one bit of information about me so therefore could only be interested in a complete fantasy in their head, but no, I forgot to consider that and decided to message back in hopes that I had found Prince Charming straight away. We talked for a bit via message and he rang me a couple of times. He seemed nice enough, I was working in a gym at the time and he was big into fitness and martial arts so we had things in common. He asked me out for a drink and we arranged to meet not too far away from where I lived.

This was going to be my first real date. My first date! I put on a face full of make up and did my hair and dressed up – smart, sexy but casual – I think I must have looked more like a very good-looking drag queen because at the time make up was my very close intimate friend so I was well acquainted with it. I was so nervous and excited. I was more excited to be able to say I was going on a date than actually meeting this guy.

I arrived and he was there, he was ok looking. He bought us both a drink and we sat down. I had no idea what you were supposed to do or talk about on a date so I went into my ‘I’m nervous so I am just going to talk talk talk’ mode and the conversation was flowing. Most of the time I was so happy that I was on a real date I forgot to listen to what he was actually saying and the rest of the time what he was saying was giving me a secret roll of the eyes because he said eevvveerrryytthiinnng iiiinnn thiiiiiisss slooowww ‘I’mmmm juuusssttt sooooo atttt onnneee wiiitth thhheee wooorrrlllddd’ voice. This guy frickin loved himself. Too much. Everything he said sounded structured, planned, not authentic! At one point I noticed he was wearing a very smart watch so I complimented him on it, he came out with this story about buying and selling watches before arrogantly smiling and saying ‘yeeessss, I liiiiikkee toooo thiiiinkkk offff iiiiiit aaaaaassss a tiiiimmeeelleeeesss piiiieeeecccceeee’ and then he laughed at the irony of what he had just said. Oh god just shut up, just say thanks for the compliment, it is taking you forever to say anything. Why don’t you just sit on a throne and arrogantly smile at all your minions below who live to serve you!  He then went on to tell me how he is moving to Israel in a couple of months – hang on, you didn’t mention this the entire time we have been speaking….it started to register, he is on a hook up.  Well, I am not interested one little bit. I painfully listened to him talk on for a while longer, slumped into the couch we were sitting on as if he was sitting at home – probably because everything on this earth is his right to own as King. When we left – finally – I very politely thanked him for a nice evening and kissed him on the cheek, I could tell he had just registered I was heading straight to my car and he didn’t look at all happy, I didn’t care, I had been on a date – a real date! I didn’t hear from him again and I wasn’t surprised.

The problem was that I had a) no experience in the dating world and b) no experience enjoying life on my own. This meant that I gave someone credit for simply showing an interest in me (something I hadn’t been used to for a very long time).  Had I had any sense I would have known what he was all about from the beginning but I had fun and it was nice to be out with someone who wasn’t treating me like one of the boys. Besides he was just a tiny bit of preparation for many a disaster to come and at least he didn’t push me into the arms of my best friend who had declared his love for me and then left me heartbroken……….to then go on date number one with Mr complete and utter disaster (part 1)……………………………………………(oh wait, that is exactly what happened)…

I WANT WHAT I’VE GOT!

What is that you want? What don’t you have that you have been wanting? I bet a list comes to mind easily? Put that list aside and now make a list of all the things that you already have that are amazing and wonderful. Every single one of them. It may start off with things that seem more important such as family, friends, pets, a roof over your head.

Wow, if you are blessed enough to have those on your list then really and truly you hold so much already. Many of my friends I consider my family and I am thankful for them everyday. I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world, would you?

Do you have a roof over your head and a warm bed? Hallelujah, there is nothing like climbing into bed after a long day. Laying your head on to the pillow and spreading out under the sheets. Gorgeous!!!!!

Ok so maybe some things that may seem a bit smaller in comparison, such as a paying job, a hobby, a big TV.

Money to be able to afford things you enjoy is a great feeling. A sense of achievement after hitting work deadlines or making a difference is really rewarding.

A hobby means you are dedicating time to yourself and your passions. The importance of this is infinitely high. We are on earth, in a body, living a life. We have to dedicate some of that time for ourselves.

A big TV? Yes!!!! Movie night. Relaxing on the sofa or in bed and snuggling up with some snacks. One of my favourite things to do.

I have just named 7 things and briefly touched on them. I could go on with this list forever. I haven’t even gone into great detail about the 7 things I have just named. I haven’t given you the name of each of my friends and why I am so thankful for them. I haven’t told you every single movie I have loved watching on my TV at home where I enjoy the roof over my head.

My point is that if you want more things to be grateful for in life or happy about, then be grateful for all the things you already have. You will be surprised at how long and detailed this list will be. By the time you finish you will realise that you already have so much that any more would simply be a blessing. You are in fact opening a doorway to allow even more to come to you. The more we focus on what have to be grateful for the more we will be given even more things to be grateful for. It’s a win-win.

What are you grateful for right now?