Jump on the Express!

(photo from anonymous source – Facebook)

When you are thankful for someone – tell them!

When you think something nice about someone – tell them!

When you miss someone (who deserves it) – tell them!

People like to hear that others are thinking about them and they don’t forget the nice things you say, so say more off them.  Spread kind words and appreciation throughout the world and let’s all feel even more wonderful.

I just want to say that you are all amazing and beautiful and I appreciate each of you. Have an amazing week my wonderful Pride, you are very special.

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If you don’t know, now you know…

(photo from anonymous source – Facebook)

This is something we all need to be reminded of.  Stop hiding who you are, how you feel and what you think.  When you feel you are being walked over – say it, don’t allow it, show them who is boss – do something!  When someone has upset you tell them, cry about it, have a tantrum and then say sorry for over reacting but be you!  You are glorious and wonderful and magnificent and HUMAN!  Stop hiding this.  Stop being embarrassed of this.  Stop doubting yourself and your actions.  You can always apologise if you do something wrong. Hiding who you are is wrong to yourself, to your wonderful soul.

Put on that crown and show the world who is boss!

Always be kind pride and watch the jewels sparkle!

Bye bye!

(photo from anonymous source – Facebook)

Isn’t this great?  Let go of that which serves you no more.  Let go of those who do not deserve you.  Let go of things that pull you down.  Let go of anything that does not feel good for you!  Let it go.  That which you deserve, is fiercely looking for you, make room for it.

DATING DO’S AND DON’TS – PART 3

FIRST MESSAGE:

So before i give you some more frogs for the blog (by the way Mr Disaster makes a return next week) I have to cover another topic for our dating do’s and don’ts. The one and only, very important, first message. Now traditionally I believe that the man should send the first message, just because it goes back to the natural way of animals approaching each other – but that is just my opinion, it doesn’t make it right or wrong. So today’s post is aimed at you guys sending that first message.

Lets cover some of the Do’s first of all today:

  • Do use a lady’s name – this is a basic technique in building rapport with anyone, it makes the message more personal.

 

  • Do ask a question – it gives us something to reply to. Simple.

 

  • Do comment on something you have seen or read on our profile – this shows us that you are actually interested in learning about us – women love to be listened to and cared about – just as men do, so this is definitely a thumbs up.

Actually making sure you have covered all of these points in your first message gives you the best chance of an interested reply and a way to start conversation.

For example, ‘Hey Rachel, how are you? That picture of you sitting on the floor with that old man is so cool, where was that?’

Unless you are unfortunately not my type at all then why wouldn’t I reply to that? So simple yet so effective. Oh and if you want to know more about that picture…well…I’ve just taught you how to find out!

Now for the Don’ts:

  • Don’t use a pet name i.e. babe, baby, darling, sweetheart and my most hated of all time ‘luv’.

 

  • Don’t simply write ‘Hey’! Stop being so lazy and add ‘how are you?’ at the end of it at least!

 

  • Don’t comment on the fact that you are the one to message first – If you are going to be bitter then don’t message at all, otherwise, get over it, that is the way it should be!

 

  • Don’t copy and paste a message – we can tell!

 

  • Don’t say ‘I don’t usually do this’ or ‘I’m new to this’ – stop being embarrassed about being online. We are there too, just get on with the message and accept your online dating presence!

I understand that maybe you are having to write a lot of first messages that don’t go anywhere but you don’t have to write an essay, just put a tiny bit of effort into each one, it will pay off eventually.

My friend had a message sent to her at lunch time once saying ‘hey babe you in bed?’ – Excuse me? At lunch time? In the week? Why on earth would you ask that and what business is it of yours. It is safe to say he never got a reply.

Now understandably on tinder there is a lot less information than on other sites so your first message may seem a little more limited but just use your brain. You can still string a polite first sentence together as I did above. I have had several great messages on Tinder that refer to one of my pictures and it is always a great conversation starter. On some of the more complexed dating sites such as Match.com and Plenty Of Fish there is a whole load of information you can choose from. Just pick something that interests you and incorporate it into that first message you send.

Ladies, back to you, if a man sends you a shoddy first message, don’t reply, or at the very least make sure his second message has a bit of substance. If he is not willing to make more of an effort than ‘hey’ or ‘hi babe’ what is the point. People are always their best at the beginning so don’t settle for pure shod (yes it is a word because I used it in a sentence). If you are willing to make an effort for a guy, make sure he is making an effort for you.

I had some more great ‘about me’ sections sent to me this week. It was great to give you all some advice. If you want advice on yours you can email me at mountainess1@gmail.com and don’t worry it will stay completely between us!

Good luck Pride and let me know what ghastly things you are coming across on your online dating journey’s!

Choose wisely!

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(photo from anonymous source – Facebook)

I came across this and it is so true! What you think about you bring about, everything that occurs in this world is determined as good or bad only by our perception of it. Makes you think doesn’t it?

The first good thing…….that was bad

‘Set yourself high standards, after all, people will only meet the standards you set, they won’t raise them for you’.

Ok so Mr Disaster, where do I begin with him. He was a big, tall and attractive guy who trained at the Gym that I worked in. After I had my complete meltdown due in part to extremely painful break up, I had started to rebuild myself.  I got back into my training and had a sort of new lease of life.  Mr Disaster was someone who had recently started training with a few other guys in the gym. He was nice looking and there was something about him that I liked.  He wasn’t your typical young weightlifting male. He was humble and polite.  A friend introduced me to the group of them as an evil and militant trainer and said that they should train with me and eventually that is what started happening. A group of 4 guys on a Friday night and normally my friend would join or another PT would get involved. It certainly caused a lot of attention having one young woman pushing all these guys. It became a regular thing and they started participating in my spin class too.  Mr Disaster took my number and would text me when he wanted to be booked into the class or let me know if he couldn’t make it.

I remember speaking to my friend who worked in sales about him, she told me that at the time he had signed up he had been on the phone to his girlfriend so be aware of that.  Instantly I pulled back my little excited feeling and took it that we would just be friends in case he was still with someone.  We got talking in the gym one night just the two of us, we were talking for a good hour. We talked about lots of things, past relationships – no mention of a girlfriend – our careers and dreams – no mention of a girlfriend – family stuff – no mention of a girlfriend. I was subtle but left the door open for him to say if he had a girlfriend….no mention of a girlfriend – great, maybe there was a little spark here then.  How exciting.  He worked in sales in the city and was also building his own clothing brand.  He worked hard at it too.  I liked this guy, he was tall and a bit rough around the edges and he had banter.  He would come up with a new nickname for me every other day and he would always have me laughing.  We could also talk about serious stuff too, we would challenge each others opinions, we would argue and then be laughing two minutes later.  He started to text me from morning until night. Without fail I would hear from him.  I would even try to put my new self-esteem lioness attitude to the test and not reply to him if he hadn’t written anything exciting enough.  It worked, sure enough he would text again a couple of hours later.  This guy was definitely into me.  He then started to call me, he would text and call me all day and we would just be laughing and arguing and debating and getting to know each other on the phone.  Things were really looking up, someone decent had come along.

Eventually when we were training together one day he asked what I was doing on the friday – EEEEK he was finally asking me out!!!!!!! – I kept it cool and told him I might be teaching until later on but would be free after.  He told me that his work mates were all going out and that he wanted me to come too.  Ok, I have to go out with all his work mates, how terrifying.  Breathe Rachel and just do it.  Take an opportunity.  This is a nice guy who is clearly interested, go and have a good time. I mean for crying out loud he wants to show you off in front of the people who he works with, who he makes you speak to on speaker phone while he is at work.  This was a good sign, Ok frick!  What do I wear?  So I go shopping and I buy an outfit.

The guy does not stop ringing me to check that I am definitely going to come.  Wow, going on a date, this is madness.  So I choose an outfit and Friday finally comes.  They are all going out at 6 but that is too early so I decide to get there a bit later, he does not stop ringing me and messaging me, goodness me I am coming just let me get ready.  Somehow I have to be there at 6:30 on a Friday.  Ok Ok Ok I am coming.

I get a lift to the station, uh oh, I didn’t think it would take this long to get there.  I am going to be over an hour late.  Oh god.  Ok I better ring him and tell him. So I do ‘Mr Disaster I think they have moved the train station because apparently it is going to take me an hour to get there and I really thought it would be quicker I am so sorry’ he gets angry ‘what the f**k, no that isn’t cool, you think your time is more important than other people’s bla bla bla bla bla…’ oh god this is not good ‘no, I really don’t and I am so sorry I really didn’t mean it’.  I get another ear bashing through the phone and I am starting to feel a bit upset, I mean, it’s a friday night who is out at 6:30 anyway?  I genuinely didn’t mean to be more than 30 mins late…..after all I am a woman.  So he is getting ruder and angrier and I am feeling annoyed ‘I can just go back home if you don’t want me to come now it’s no problem?’  He slightly changes his tune and tells me to hurry up and that he will meet me at the station.  When I arrive I ring him, it is raining outside – FRICK I didn’t bring an umbrella, my hair is going to be a mess.  He is on his way to me……bitching and moaning and shouting at me, telling me to start walking and meet him.  At first I try to follow his directions but I am going the wrong way, which makes him shout at me even more.  I finally find him, by this point I have threatened to go home again and actually feel really upset.  This is not what I had planned at all.

So we eventually get into the bar, put our jackets in the cloak room and I sort my rain-soaked self out quickly in the ladies and go and meet his colleagues.  They are all very nice and one of them makes a point to tell me how clear it is that Mr Disaster likes me.  He isn’t making too much effort to talk to me though and I feel a bit left in the lurch with a load of people I don’t know.  Eventually he comes over and it is just us talking, he makes no effort to hide that he is interested in me.  He is asking me some questions about my ex who he had also briefly known from the gym.  So I tell him and then ask him when his last relationship was.  The next sentence actually paused time for me momentarily and I will never forget it:  ‘See im kind of with someone and have been for 5 years’……IM SORRY WHAT THE HELL??? WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL???? WHAT?  My brain starts going at 100 miles an hour, filled with confusion, hurt, anger, disbelief and that sort of car crash feeling.  He finishes his sentence….’and the only reason I never told you was because you never asked’ OH…..OF COURSE….HOW ABSOLUTELY STUPID OF ME!!!!!!  This is the first time something seemed to be going good for me in a long time and there is a part of me that wants to drop to the floor and just give up, but, there is a new part of me.  A part that I have built with the help of my own determination and a few amazing other people.  A part of me that knows that there is nothing wrong with me, nothing shameful about having feelings for this idiot, nothing I have done wrong.  But he has, he has treated me badly and that doesn’t make me the idiot (easy to say but not so easy to feel).

I’m smiling but it isn’t a happy smile, ‘why am I here then?’  I ask.  ‘Because I like you a lot and have feelings for you, I didn’t know what to do, trust me.  I even asked the guys at work what I should do..’ OH YOU POOR THING, HOW YOU SURVIVE EACH DAY I JUST DONT KNOW.  I briefly process a million thoughts of the past the present and the future as he talks about his dead-end relationship and how he moved from South London to North London with her and it caused a load of problems with his family and that they don’t really have sex anymore and all these things she doesn’t do and just for a moment, I feel sympathy.  I know that feeling, being with my ex for 9 years it was exactly the same.  Thankfully my brain pulls itself together and I smile, he looks at me and says ‘ your pissed with me aren’t you?’  I look back at him and say into his ear ‘Mr Disaster, I am not pissed, I have just met every type of coward there is now, I understand your situation I really do but please understand that I had the balls to get out of my bad situation and certainly didn’t lie or mislead anyone.  Now I am going to go to the ladies and then I am going to go and get my jacket, I have tickets for both yours and mine, so you need to come with me to get yours, then I am going home.  We went and got our jackets.  He spent some time dragging me outside to try to talk and explain to me that normally he would just ‘have sex and go’ but with me it was different and he couldn’t lie to me and he really cares about me and wants us to be friends and BLA BLA BLA.  I had to get out of here.  I went to the ladies, wow I am a little too drunk for this.  I stopped inside the cubicle and let myself break just for half a second, I took a deep breath and pulled myself together.  This idiot did not deserve my tears, he certainly wasn’t going to get the satisfaction of seeing me cry for him.  I didn’t look anywhere, just kept my head down and ran out of the bar.  I am very good at running away when I need to and he didn’t see me.

I got as far away as I thought was safe and I broke down.  I couldn’t hold the tears in anymore.  I text Katie (my little sister) to say I was going to hers – I had keys to get in so whether she was up or not I was going.  I then rang a friend to cry to her.  The best person I could think of.  She was great aswell and really made me feel together enough to get on the train.  When I got out at the station I had lots of messages on my phone asking where I was, I ignored them and rang my friend back but he kept ringing so finally I answered. ‘WHAT?’  I shouted ‘Rachel where are you? Are you still in Central?’  I had one response:  ‘WHY DON’T YOU ASK YOUR GIRLFRIEND WHERE SHE IS’ I practically screamed at him.  I wouldn’t let him speak and hung up.  I erased his number, his Facebook, his Instagram and his Twitter.  I got rid of all the messages we had ever sent to each other.  Done.  I got to Katie’s, demanded she order me a pizza and opened a bottle of wine – a scientifically proven way of coping with pain.  He of course messaged me a long sorry essay but unfortunately words meant nothing to me anymore, I’d heard too many of them.

That weekend I was on a course, not really a great time to have a hangover or heartbreak but nothing was going to stop me doing something good for me.  I didn’t stop hearing from him.  LEAVE ME ALONE, for goodness sake let me just get on with my life.  On the Sunday I decided to speak to him and tell him how I felt.  I explained that I had feelings for him and that what he had done was unfair, he said he had feelings for me too and that he was really sorry and just wanted us to be friends.  I told him I didn’t need any more friends and that he needed to stay away from me so I could heal.  He promised he would leave me alone.  He didn’t, he would still message me, I would ignore him or ask him what he wanted and then tell him to stop contacting me again.  I felt like such a lioness, I had been honest and not ashamed of my feelings but hadn’t stood for being mistreated.  I was growing up, becoming a strong and confident woman!  Eventually the messages cut right down and I didn’t hear from him.  That was the end of Mr Disaster…………….or so I thought.

I think it is important to remember that you should never be ashamed of your feelings. Never be afraid to tell someone they have upset you for fear of being told you are over reacting or that you will look silly.  Your feelings are there for a reason and they should be considered and respected.  It is important to set yourself standards and be clear on your boundaries and do not compromise these for anyone.  You have to love and respect yourself first and foremost, after all, you are fabulous.

 

 

I WANT WHAT I’VE GOT!

What is that you want? What don’t you have that you have been wanting? I bet a list comes to mind easily? Put that list aside and now make a list of all the things that you already have that are amazing and wonderful. Every single one of them. It may start off with things that seem more important such as family, friends, pets, a roof over your head.

Wow, if you are blessed enough to have those on your list then really and truly you hold so much already. Many of my friends I consider my family and I am thankful for them everyday. I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world, would you?

Do you have a roof over your head and a warm bed? Hallelujah, there is nothing like climbing into bed after a long day. Laying your head on to the pillow and spreading out under the sheets. Gorgeous!!!!!

Ok so maybe some things that may seem a bit smaller in comparison, such as a paying job, a hobby, a big TV.

Money to be able to afford things you enjoy is a great feeling. A sense of achievement after hitting work deadlines or making a difference is really rewarding.

A hobby means you are dedicating time to yourself and your passions. The importance of this is infinitely high. We are on earth, in a body, living a life. We have to dedicate some of that time for ourselves.

A big TV? Yes!!!! Movie night. Relaxing on the sofa or in bed and snuggling up with some snacks. One of my favourite things to do.

I have just named 7 things and briefly touched on them. I could go on with this list forever. I haven’t even gone into great detail about the 7 things I have just named. I haven’t given you the name of each of my friends and why I am so thankful for them. I haven’t told you every single movie I have loved watching on my TV at home where I enjoy the roof over my head.

My point is that if you want more things to be grateful for in life or happy about, then be grateful for all the things you already have. You will be surprised at how long and detailed this list will be. By the time you finish you will realise that you already have so much that any more would simply be a blessing. You are in fact opening a doorway to allow even more to come to you. The more we focus on what have to be grateful for the more we will be given even more things to be grateful for. It’s a win-win.

What are you grateful for right now?

It only matters what YOU think!

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(photo from anonymous source – Facebook)

It only matters that you believe in you. Don’t let others tell you what you can and can’t be, what you can or can’t achieve. Believe in yourself and be everything you ever dreamed of.

Fly!